


It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert

by warrior_princess89



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-04-30 17:37:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 79,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5173139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warrior_princess89/pseuds/warrior_princess89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Boarding School AU</p><p>Clarke is the new girl at Sky Academy and quickly becomes friends with her roommate Octavia. Octavia's friends happily welcome Clarke into their "family"...well everyone but Lexa. </p><p>Or: Lexa's world is completely turned upside down when she meets the new girl and she doesn't know how to deal with it </p><p>(slow build of Clexa!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The one where Harry Potter almost gets killed by a pink furry lamp

**Author's Note:**

> (just changed the rating to mature for stuff that happens from chapter 10 onwards, but I think it's still rather tame compared to other fics here^^)
> 
> hey everyone :)
> 
> This is my first fan fic and also my first time writing anything in this direction. I'm used to writing stiff term papers so I have no experience with dialogues whatsoever ! 
> 
> Plus, English is NOT my first language so I appologies in advance for all the mistakes ^^ 
> 
> So basically it's going to be a mess but after reading houndreds of Clexa stories I just had to give it a try and write my own story :) 
> 
> If you want to see Clarke and lexa together after 2 chapters this is not the right story for you, their relationship is not going to be an easy one at first 
> 
> The title is from Ron Pope's "A drop in the ocean"

Chapter 1: The one where Harry Potter almost gets killed by a pink furry lamp 

THUD THUD THUD  
Clarke uses her left foot to knock on the door, her hands being occupied with two big duffle bags. She blows a strand of hair from her face and waits for an answer. After a few seconds of silence she readjusts the grip on her bags and opens the door with her elbow.  
The room is quite spacious for a dorm room with two king-size beds, two wooden desks, a big red armchair and several bookshelves. Still holding the duffle bags Clarke lets out a groan and drops them in front of the empty bed. She lets her eyes wander around the room and sees a big door that probably leads to the bathroom and two smaller doors from build - in wardrobes. While her side of the room looks as empty and sterile as a hospital, the other side is full of color and personality.  
The walls are covered with postcards, drawings, and photographs, the bed is cluttered with at least a dozen of pillows, there is a hockey bag on the armchair and a big pile of clothes on the floor. Clarke smiles. Without having met her yet, she just has the feeling that her new roommate is going to be fun. Well, fun and most likely trouble, but Clarke is more than ready for some action. 

The blonde digs through her bags, soon finds a bed sheet and deep blue covers and starts to put them on her blanket. She is exhausted from the trip and can’t wait to lie down. She feels like she could sleep for a week. While trying to find the opening of her pillowcase she is startled by a muffled noise. Clarke pauses for a moment and waits. There it is again. A soft thud and it seems to come from inside one of the build-in wardrobes.  
Slowly walking towards the noise she grabs the first thing she can find and holds her breath when her hand closes around the doorknob. Without further thought, she opens the wardrobe in one fast motion, taking a step back and holding the previously picked up object over her head. 

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!” Clarke screams perfectly in synch with the brunette that looks at her with big eyes and holds a hand to her chest, gasping for breath. The girl, who sits in a fort of blankets and pillows on the bottom of the wardrobe, turns of her IPod and slides the huge pink headphones off her ears. 

“What the hell?! I thought you’re a burglar! Or worse, a raccoon ! I could’ve killed you!” Clarke blurts out breathing heavily. 

“With my pink furry lamp?” The girl asks with a smirk on her face. Clarke finally drops her hand realizing she still had a firm grip on the lamp and puts it down on her new roommate’s desk. 

“You must be Clarke” the girl says with a big smile “I’m Octavia”. Standing up she walks towards the blonde and to Clarke’s surprise pulls her in for a big hug. 

“Um..yeah..I’m Clarke, Clarke Griffin. Sorry for almost attacking you, I didn’t expect my roommate to be Harry Potter” Clarke laughs, earning a huge grin from Octavia. “My wardrobe is my happy-place and not my prison, but hey I’m an orphan that lives at boarding school and knows how to put a spell on people” she winks and turns around to put her Ipod on her nightstand “so call me Harry, but my friends prefer O”. 

Clarke lets out a chuckle “ It is very nice to meet you…O”. Octavia beams at her. “Do you need help getting the rest of your stuff from downstairs or is that everything you brought?” She says while putting on a maroon hoody with the school’s emblem.  
“That’s not even close to everything” Clarke confesses “So yeah, some help would be awesome!” The brunette pulls her hair up into a messy bun and nods “Alright, just let me put on some shoes and then we can get down to work”.

Clarke smiles and feels relieved. Without her roommate’s help it would take ages to get all the bags up to the third floor. Octavia slips out of her bunny slippers and into her shoes while Clarke takes the time to have a look at the girl. She is skinny but fit, has long dark hair, green eyes and is about the same height as Clarke. Besides the hoody, she wears black skinny jeans and a bunch of bracelets on her arms. She looks girly but simultaneously like she could kick your ass. Done with her shoes she grabs Clarke’s hand and starts pulling her out the door and down the huge stairs.  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Why are you here? They told me that the other students won’t come back from their summer break until tomorrow.” Clarke asks curiously while shoving a heavy cardboard box down the hallway. 

“Most kids spent the summer with their family and since I don’t have a family besides my brother, who goes here too, I don’t have anywhere to go” Octavia shrugs and drops a canvas on Clarke’s bed.  
“I’m sorry I asked, must be hard not to…” the brunette interrupts her new roommate and quickly states “it’s alright Clarke I haven’t had parents for a long time now and my brother is all I need. Besides, the principal, Mrs Ground, is kind of family too. She was a friend of my mom and is our legal guardian. She doesn’t leave for the summer so we’re kind of stuck here as well. But it’s not that bad…” 

She smiles at Clarke and clears her throat “ Ok looks like we finally managed to get all your stuff in here, even though I have no idea where you’re gonna store all this shit, I mean what the heck, Clarke?! Did you rob a department store?!” she shakes her head and looks around the room. It’s a mess. Clarke nods and lets out a sigh “Yeah I’m not good at letting go of stuff…”.

The room is packed with bags of clothes, books, dvds, shoes, school stuff, drawing materials and canvasses, and boxes with picture albums and other personal items.  
Octavia notices the look on Clarke’s face and giggles before dramatically flopping onto her bed. “Don’t worry, we are going to figure this out. But not now, now we deserve a break after carrying which seems like all your worldly possessions up three fucking floors!” 

The girls spend the next few hours lying on their beds laughing and telling stories. Octavia learns that Clarke is from Boston and came to Sky Academy to get some distance between her and her mom. They barely said a word to each other in the last 8 months and both need time apart to be able to breathe again. The blonde mentions that it started when her dad died but doesn’t elaborate so Octavia decides not to ask any questions just now. 

“I can’t wait for you to meet my friends; you’re going to fit in perfectly! There’s Raven my best friend, she lives together with Lexa who’s great, then we have Jasper and Monty –totally nuts but nice- and my brother Bellamy with his friends Miller and Murphy. They are two years older but part of our gang since they behave like five year olds anyway. They’re gonna love you”. Clarke smiles at her but can’t help to feel overwhelmed and a bit scared.  
She is usually good with new people. She is confident and isn’t shy when it comes to talking to them, but this time feels different to Clarke. It’s not a casual conversation with a stranger, she likes Octavia and really wants to be a part of this group so the pressure to make a great first impression is high and she doesn’t want to blow it. 

“Do you want to get some food and watch a movie? I need to unpack my dvds anyway” the blonde gestures to the big box which is currently buried under a fluffy blanket and looks at the other girl questioningly. “Sure, pick a movie” Octavia nods enthusiastically and gets up to get her laptop.  
Clarke digs through the dvds and finds what she is looking for, her favorite movie. While Clarke sits on Octavia’s bed and snuggles into the pillows, her roommate hands her the laptop before leaving the room to find something edible.  
Five minutes later she returns with some sandwiches and a bottle of sprite. Settling down next to Clarke and handing her the food she yaws “I’m just texting Raven real quick to see when she’ll be here tomorrow” reaching for her phone.  
After texting her best friend Octavia looks up at the laptop screen and nudges her new friend “Awww you’re a softy Griffin, hope you’ve got some tissues ‘cause this girl is going to cry a lot!” Clarke responds with a chuckle and bites into her peanut butter sandwich when the opening credits of The Notebook appear. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning Clarke wakes up to the sound of someone storming into their dorm room yelling like a maniac before jumping onto Octavia’s bed and almost suffocating the girl. After a second of confusion Octavia starts laughing ‘till her cheeks turn pink and hugs the stranger wild but affectionately before they finally sit up with ruffled hair and look at Clarke. Clarke just sleepily sits in her bed looking from one to another, her gaze eventually staying on Octavia who sits there in nothing but her bra and panties. 

The stranger catches Clarke’s expression and laughs loudly “Yeah, she sleeps in her underwear, you better get used to it. Wait ‘till she’s drunk, then she can’t even bear to wear underwear. I’m Raven by the way, you must be Clarke”. “Yes, nice to meet you, O wouldn’t stop talking about you yesterday” Clarke answers while stretching her arms over her head before getting out of bed. “Don’t believe anything she said” Raven says pouting. 

“I only told her how amazing you are, so get your ass out of my bed so we can get ready” Octavia says sticking out her tongue and nudging her best friend playfully. “Ok just hurry up and meet me at my room when you’re ready so we can introduce Clarke to Lexa” the other brunette orders and leaves the room after giving her best friends a small peck on the cheek and Clarke a wink.


	2. The one in which Princess Peach meets the gang

Clarke slips out of the oversized football jersey she wears as pajamas and steps under the hot stream of the shower. She lets out a sigh and just stands there for a moment enjoying the heat on her skin. Grabbing her favorite chocolate body wash from Sephora she turns off the water and washes her body thoroughly, relieved to finally get rid of yesterday’s dirt. “You can do this” the blonde repeats in her head over and over again while moving on to her hair. She feels as light and carefree as she hasn’t felt for a long time and she wants to hold on to that feeling, she wants to force herself to let go and move forward .Feeling the familiar anxiety still tingling inside of her she takes a deep breath and pushes it as far away as possible. She can do this. She can be happy here. 

“If you’re taking this long every morning we’re gonna need to make a shower schedule” 

Clarke jumps at her roommate’s voice, wraps the towel a little tighter around her body and turns around to face the girl who was now standing in the open bathroom door  
“Geezes! You scared the crap out of me, Octavia!”

“Sorry” Octavia gives her an apologetic smile “but you’ve been in their for ages and I wanted to tell you that Raven called, we’re going to the lake with some friends so you should put on your swimsuit and grab a towel”

Taking in the sight of the brunette, Clarke notices that the girl is already standing there in a tiny red bikini top and white jeans shorts, sunglasses resting on her shiny hair. 

“Ok, just give me five minutes” Clarke walks past Octavia and towards her wardrobe where she starts rummaging through her underwear drawer looking for her bikini. Finally finding the black two-piece she considers going back to the bathroom to change, but when she glances over her shoulder her roommate is occupied with her shoe collection so she just quickly shimmies out of her towel and into the tiny pieces of fabric. 

She puts on a pair of shorts and takes a second to look at her reflection in the mirror that hangs inside the wardrobe. “Not bad” Clarke thinks taking in her look. Her body is fit but feminine with toned legs, a flat belly, and large breasts. Her blond curls fall freely on her shoulders. She puts on her flip flops, puts a beach towel and a bottle of water in her bag and heads to the door. 

“Let’s go blondie” Octavia says with a fake southern accent and dances down the hallway. Clarke quickly closes the door and follows the girl. They take the stairs to the second floor and walk down a long hallway. Turning left at the end of the building they stop in front of a dorm room which has a whiteboard on the door. The left side of the whiteboard is filled with little comic-style drawings of robots and talking cars, the edge is decorated with green rhinestones. Raven Reyes is written in the middle in big blue letters. The other side of the whiteboard is almost blank. Alexandria Woods is written there in fine black letters, however, someone crossed it out and wrote Sexy Lexy underneath. The handwriting suspiciously looks the same as the one Raven’s name is written in. Reading this makes Clarke very curious about whom she is going to meet on the other side of that door. 

Octavia brings Clarke back into reality when she starts knocking at the door with both of her fists. The door bursts open and reveals Raven who casually leans against the door frame. Her sunglasses already sit on her nose and she gives the blonde a once-over. 

“Nice rack, princess” 

“Uhm…thanks? “ Clarke feels the red creeping up her cheeks as she smiles at the other girl. 

It was only now that Clarke notices the fourth person in the room. She sits on a neatly made-up bed and gazes at the blonde with slightly parted lips. Clarke chokes on air at the sight of the brunette and her attempt not to stare fails miserably. She is beyond beautiful. Her sun-kissed skin is only covered with a purple bikini top and dark grey shorts, a golden charm bracelet is hanging from her wrist. Her long, brown wavy hair is made into a fishtail braid and falls over her left shoulder. But the thing that takes Clarke’s breath away is her eyes. Elphaba’s skintone’s got nothing on them. They are the most beautiful shade of green the blonde has ever seen. 

Raven, who was chatting with Octavia and didn’t notice how Clarke’s heart momentarily flatlined, snaps her out of this moment “Oh sorry, guys. Let me introduce you. Clarke this is my roommate and very good friend Lexa. Lexa this is Clarke, O’s hot new roomy”.  
Clarke swallows hard and takes a few steps towards the bed since the girl still remains glued to the spot. She reaches out her hand “Hi, nice to meet you” she manages to say. A tiny hand moves forward and shakes hers for a second when Lexa only gives her a nod and a shy smile. 

Octavia furrows her brows. Lexa may not be the chattiest person, not like Raven who wouldn’t even shut up in her sleep, but she wasn’t shy either. 

“Okayyyy” Raven drags out the word “Let’s go, the boys are waiting for us”.  
____________________________________________________________________________  
They leave the building and walk towards the woods on the edge of the estate. While Raven and Octavia let Clarke into all the interesting and steamy secrets of the academy, Lexa stays a few steps behind the other girls and tries to stop her palms from sweating uncontrollably. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” she thinks to herself. When she first met the eyes of the blonde she felt like being run over by a truck or like she might have a stroke. She was paralyzed and couldn’t think straight. She walks behind the three laughing girls and feels sick. Looking at the blonde she tries to pin point what it is about the girl that makes her feel so uncomfortable and weak. 

They walk through some bushes and the lake comes into view. “Wow” whispers Clarke and stares at the sight in front of her. The lake is bigger than she expected with a small beach on one side and a patio-like wooden construction hemming the other side. In the middle of the lake she can see a bunch of floating tires that are tight together to form a big island. 

“What’s up bitches?” Raven yells before bringing her hands around her mouth and howling like a wolf. The five boys who are busy positioning their towels on the patio thingy look up when the girls walk towards them. They are all wearing swimming trunks and have bare chests. 

“Guys, meet Clarke. My new roommate. Clarke meet the guys, Monty, Jasper, Murphy, Miller, and my brother Bellamy” Octavia introduces them cheerily. The boys eagerly step closer to shake the blonde’s hand, everyone but Bellamy who waves at her with a smirk on his face. 

“Clarke, has anyone ever told you that you look like Princess Peach?” a boy with goggles on his head asks. Clarke thinks his name was Jasper. 

“Yeah, actually my friend Wells used to call me that. We were like addicted to Mario Cart for months” 

“Great than we already have the perfect nickname for you” the boy laughs and enthusiastically claps his hands together “We were missing a blond in our group so you can be our mascot or something”

Octavia lets out a snort and pats Jaspers shoulder “Okay Jasper calm down and don’t scare our princess away” she says winking at her roommate. 

While settling down on her towel Clarke finds herself searching for a purple bikini. When her eyes finally land on Lexa, the girl is already looking at her. As soon as their eyes meet, the brunette abruptly averts her gaze and Clarke can see how her jaw clenches and her body stiffens.  
The single second in which their eyes meet sends shivers up and down the blonde’s spine. She focuses on what the others are doing and it takes all her strength not to look at Lexa again. “What’s her problem” Clarke wonders. “Do I stare too much? Is it obvious that I like her? Well, she was staring too…maybe just because I make her uncomfortable?” she sighs and lies back down on her towel enjoying the sun on her skin and the soft breeze in her hair. 

Clarke must have dozed off because now she is woken up by someone wringing out their wet hair over her stomach “Ahhhh that’s COLD!!!” she shoots Raven a death glare and looks around. The boys are already in the water swimming towards the floating island of tires, Jasper looking like he might drown since he swims with one hand, holding a guitar above the surface in the other one. 

“Come on princess” the wet girl wiggles her eyebrows “It’s time to have some fun”. She reaches down to help Clarke stand up, then turns around and jogs towards the water, her ponytail swinging in her neck. 

Clarke shoots a quick glaze at Lexa. The girl seems to be sleeping. She is lying on her stomach, her face hidden by her upper arm. 

“Clarkeyyyy” Octavia yells with a voice that reminds the blonde of a cartoon character “Get your cute little butt in the water”

Clarke shakes her head and smiles at her crazy new friend. She steps out off her shorts, now only wearing her bikini, and takes a few fast steps towards the water before dipping in her pinky toe. The water is pretty cold, but Clarke is not the squeamish type so she takes a deep breath and jumps head first into the lake.  
She can her loud “Whooops” coming from the floating tires and hurries to join them on their self-made island. Clarke swings her leg over one of the tires and feels a hand on her arm that is pulling her up. Once she is settled comfortably on the tire she looks to her left and sees that the helping hand was Bellamy’s who sits there with a grin on his face.  
“Thanks” she gives him a nod and tries to follow the conversation happening in front of her. 

“Come on, Raven. Just relax and let Jasper serenade us for a while” her roommate says and looks at the other girl with puppy eyes. 

“Octavia you just took a nap like ten minutes ago! We should play a game or something”

“Yeah, what about truth or dare? It’s a perfect way to get to know our Princess Peach over there” Bellamy suggests and all heads turn towards the blonde.

Clarke just shrugs “Works with me”

“Maybe we should wake Lex” Octavia turns around on her tire ready to shout to the sleeping girl, but the spot where the girl was lying just minutes ago is empty. 

“Where the heck is she? Did anyone notice her leave?” 

“She probably just went back to your room, Raven. She seems a little off today, is she sick or something?” Monty questioningly looks at his friend

“She definitely acted a bit weird, but hey it’s Lexa, you never know” Raven says while readjusting her ponytail “Ok how about we start the game and Jasper sings a song in between each round”

She earns a huge smile from the boy with the guitar and claps her hands “Let me go first” She strategically looks around the group for a moment before blurting out “O! Truth or dare?”

“Dare”

“I dare you to sit on Miller’s lap and sing him a love song” 

Octavia doesn’t hesitate for a second before carefully crawling towards Miller. She settles herself on top of the boy who gapes at the girl with slightly parted lips. She leans forward. Instead of loudly shouting out a pop song that fits the topic she seductively positions her mouth next to Miller’s right ear and softly starts singing Donna Summer’s “Love to Love You Baby”. 

Clarke lets out a giggle when she notices Raven drooling at the sight of this and she is pretty sure it is not because of Miller. 

“When you're laying so close to me  
There's no place I'd rather you be than with me-ee, uh“  
A tomato is pale compared to Miller’s face “Ahaaw, I love to love you, baby“ 

“Ok that’s enough” Bellamy grunts through his clenched teeth and Octavia moves back towards her tire rolling her eyes at her overprotective big brother. 

The game goes on with Monty swimming three laps around the lake while completely naked and Bellamy telling everyone about his most embarrassing sexual encounter (Indra walked in on him with a girl and lectured him in front of her). 

To interrupt the laugher of his friends the older Blake turns towards the group’s newest addition “Clarke, truth or dare?”

“Truth”

“Tell us about the first kiss and the best kiss you ever had”

“Alright” the blonde says while leaning back and drumming her fingers on the sides of the tire “my actual first kiss was with my best friend Wells. We were 8 and curious so we kissed. It was just an innocent peck on the lips and it felt like kissing my brother. My real first kiss was Matthew Garret, I was 11 and we were in a tree house we used to hang out in with our group of friends. While the others were out to get some supplies he just leaned in and kissed me. It wasn’t bad for a first kiss, a bit sloppy but fine” she shrugs and slides her sunglasses back on her nose.

“And your best kiss?” 

Clarke nods and goes on “Jamie Robbins, I was 14, she just grabbed me and kissed me in the locker rooms after PE class. It was soft but also kinda rough and she just took my breath away”

“Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Did you just say SHE?” Ravens face lights up and she starts to do a little happy dance “Oh don’t worry, I’m not hitting on you or anything. I’m just happy not to be the only bi person here, I mean Monty’s gay but that’s not the same. We can be each others wing woman!” 

The blonde lets out a low chuckle “I’m glad you’re so happy about it” She notices that everyone is still looking at her “Alright, I answered the question, so Murphy, truth or dare?”  
The boy turns out to be a very talented storyteller when he lets the group in on his first childhood crush and has Clarke and Octavia laughing so hard they are crying while he elaborates on how he fantasized about Wilma Flintstone. 

“Raven, you’re up. Truth or dare?”

“Duh, dare of cause” 

Murphy smirks and waits for a few dramatic seconds before slowly saying “You and Clarke get into the water, swap your bikini tops and stay like this for the rest of the game”

“Oh come on Murphy, this is meant to be Raven’s dare and Clarke is literally the one that gets the short end of the deal here. Or rather the small end” Octavia points out but can’t restrain herself from letting out a giggle

“Let’s get it over with” Clarke mutters and slides off her tire followed by Raven.

The two girls move closely to the floating island to hide their upper bodies and quickly slip out of their tops. While Raven ties the black top as tight as possible in order to smooth out the excess fabric, Clarke desperately tries to cover her breasts with Raven’s green triangle style top. Once the girls are settled back in their tires all eyes are on Clarke. 

“Damn! Now I’m sorry I included you in this dare, this looks like one of those itty bitty things Miley Cyrus wears” Murphy bursts out in laugher

Clarke looks at Bellamy who obviously tries to bite back his own laughter, but fails miserably as it abruptly escapes his mouth “Sorry princess” 

The blonde bites her lip while slightly tugging on the tiny pieces of fabric on her chest that look more like band aids than a bikini. “Just try not to move too much” she thinks and is happy to hear that the first round of the game is over and Jasper starts playing his guitar.  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
After Jasper sang a small selection of songs and they played another round of truth or dare they decide to head back to the academy for lunch. They pack up their stuff and put their shorts on when Clarke notices that she is still wearing Raven’s top. She is just about to call for her when she hears the girl scream out in pain. She sees Raven fall back into the sand and grabbing her left foot.

“What happened?” Clarke settles down next to the girl and starts examining the foot. 

“Oh Raven, that’s a lot of blood” Octavia crumbles her face in disgust

Clarke empties her water bottle over Raven’s bleeding foot “It’s not that bad. Just a cut. Let’s get back to your room and I can clean it and patch you up. Do you have a first-aid kit?”

“Yeah, there’s one in every bathroom. Do you know what you’re doing?” 

“My mum’s a surgeon” the blonde mutters and wraps a tissue around the wound

They get back to the academy, the boys carrying the girl’s stuff while Octavia and Clarke try to support Raven who can only limp slowly. Finally standing at the bottom of the big staircase they look at each other questioningly  
“Sooo, how are we going to get your ass up there?” Octavia asks scratching her forehead

“I’ m going to die down here”

Clarke rolls her eyes at her overdramatic new friend “Hop on” she turns around so her back faces the girl and looks over her shoulder

“You’re sure?”

“Just do it before I change my mind” 

The three girls stumble up the stairs laughing all the way up to the second floor since Clarke moves like a drunk person under the weight of the bleeding brunette.  
They burst through the girl’s door and Clarke grunts when she drops her on her bed “Gosh, you’re heavy!” 

They start to giggle again but are interrupted by a soft voice “What happened? Are you ok Raven?” 

Three heads turn towards the third brunette who sits on her own bed and looks at the blood running down her roommate’s foot with wide eyes. 

“Yeah, don’t worry Lex. According to nurse Griffin here it’s just a cut and she is going to take good care of me” 

Lexa gets off her bed in one smooth motion and walks towards the bathroom. A few seconds later she reappears with a small red first-aid kit in her hands “Here” she says with a slightly shaking voice, hands it over to Clarke and stares at her chest for a second before returning to her position on the bed.  
“Thank you” Clarke heart makes an involuntary jump and she can barely hide a smile when she inspects the content of the little box. She totally forgot that she is still wearing Raven’s top and Lexa obviously noticed. 

While Clarke cleans the cut and closes it with special glue, Octavia and Raven tell her everything she needs to know to survive the following day which will be the first day of the school year. The new girl listens to only half of what they are saying, observing Lexa’s every move from the corner of her eye. 

“Ok, I’m…” the blonde sneezes loudly “…done” 

“Awww, Clarkeyyy ! That was the cutest sneezing noise I’ve ever heard!” Octavia nudges her playfully and gives her a big smile

“Haha, yeah, she’s right that was adorable! You sound like…like …”

“Bambi”

Once again three heads turn towards Lexa in surprise. The girl quickly moves her gaze to the floor, hiding the pink that is now tinting her cheeks. Lexa mentally slaps herself “Why did you just say that??”

“She’s right, like a cute Disney character” Raven nods while furrowing her brows at the strange behavior of her roommate

Clarke stands up in attempt to hide her own blush “Ok Raven don’t move around too much for the rest of the day” She turns around to face her roommate “O we should head back to our room, I’m starving”

Octavia nods and lets out a sigh “Yeah, let’s go. See you later Reyes. Bye sexy Lexy” She winks at the latter and walks out followed by Clarke who just waves at Raven before closing the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise again for all the mistakes, my English is far from perfect!
> 
> The next chapter will have more Lexa in it ;)


	3. The one where the Grinch steals Clarke’s pudding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's first day of class

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if anyone is even reading this, but I still apologize for the long wait. There was a lot going on in the last month ! 
> 
> I posted the last chapter on the 13th of November, just hours before the whole Paris thing happend. I'm from Germany but I'm half french, my dad is actually from Paris and I got family living there. As you can imagine I wasn't in the mood to write the next chapter right away...

Clarke pushes the snooze button on her alarm clock for the third time and grunts into her pillow. She knows she has to get up but she just can’t seem to make her body move. Logically, she knows that she should rather sleep longer than just doze for thirty minutes, but she can’t get up at the first ring. She just can’t. Peering at the clock again, the blond sighs and crawls out of bed. She opens just her right eye, puts her slippers on and shuffles towards the bathroom. When she reenters the room 20 minutes later Octavia is still asleep. 

“Nooo, you can’t eat the purple hamster!” the brunette mutters in her sleep with a big frown on her face

Clarke shakes her head, let’s out a little chuckle and carefully nudges her new friend

“Octavia”

“Octavia wake up” the girl doesn’t move “O we have class in 40 minutes” she says now in full volume and pulls at the blanket the girl is wrapped in like a burrito

“I hate you”

“No you don’t and now get your sweet little butt in the shower or you won’t have time for breakfast”

The blonde could swear to hear something that sounds like “stupid roomie” and “sleepy” before her roommate rolls out of bed and disappears into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her

“Great” Clarke thinks “I might not be a morning person, but Octavia is the Grinch!” She quickly puts on her dark blue converse and leaves to grab something for breakfast. She is surprised to find a great variety of food and drinks at the dining hall. There is everything from 10 different types of cereal, to pastries, boiled eggs, fruits, and sandwiches. She goes for a blueberry muffin and chocolate milk and decides to pick something to cheer up the Grinch too. Back in her dorm room, Octavia is still in the bathroom so she just drops the chocolate chip muffin and orange juice she picked up on the girl’s nightstand and quickly leaves a sticky note beside it. Clarke takes her bag, takes a deep breath, and walks towards her first class at Sky Academy.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke’s first class of the day is English. She actually likes English, she is a passionate reader and enjoys discussing the material, still, her stomach clenches on her walk to class. There will be no Octavia or Raven around in English. 

Even though Octavia explained to her how to get to all of today’s class rooms before they went to bed last night, Clarke is lost. “Not again!” her heart starts to race while she hurries down the halls desperately looking for room 358. She just has no sense of direction whatsoever. Her mom used to sew a name tag with her address in every piece of clothing when she was little in case she got lost and someone would find her, and once she panicked because she couldn’t find the exit of the MCDonald’s indoor playground and had to wait for Wells to rescue her. She was in tears when he found her. That happened a year ago. After asking a boy in the hall she finally stops in front of room 358. She is sweating and takes a few second to catch a breath before opening the door. It is 7:58 and all of the other students seem to be there already. 

“Well hello! You must be our new student” an old guy that looks like an owl welcomes her with a warm smile

“Yeah, I’m Clarke, Clarke Griffin”

“Ok Clarke Griffin, I’m Mr. Jefferson welcome to Sky Academy. Maybe you can introduce yourself to your new classmates before you find a seat”

25 pairs of eyes are watching her closely “Uhm, I’m Clarke…I’m 17 and I’m from Boston” she questioningly looks at Mr. Jefferson and hopes that this is enough information for now. The teacher nods and she turns towards the class to find a vacant seat. She immediately notices that there are only two seats left. One next to a boy with slimy hair who looks at Clarke as If she were a piece of meat, and one next to Lexa. With one last look at Mr. slimy she walks to the right side of the room and settles down next to the brunette. 

“Hi” she gives the girl her nicest smile

“Hi” Lexa quietly responds without looking at her

When Mr. Jefferson talks about the syllabus of the semester Clarke notices with relief that she already read some of the novels they will discuss. At least she won’t be behind in class. They will start with Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity. While Mr. Jefferson gives a small synopsis of the plot, Clarke takes a moment to look at her neighbor. Lexa sits stiff as a wooden plank and looks tense when she smoothes a tendril of brown curly hair behind her ear. 

“Do I make her this uncomfortable?” the blonde thinks with a frown on her face. She didn’t even say more than 2 sentences to Lexa since they met so she can’t figure out what she did to upset the other girl. It surprises Clarke how much it bugs her that the brunette might not like her. She is beautiful. One of the most beautiful girls Clarke has ever seen and she has to fight to urge to stretch out her hand and touch the tanned smooth skin or the perfect shiny hair. Octavia and Raven love her so she can’t be that bad…

While Clarke happily jumps into the class discussion to distract herself from the smell of Lexa’s strawberry shampoo, Lexa remains quiet for the entire lesson and doesn’t move an inch. The second the bell announces the end of the first lesson, the brunette is off her seat and through the door. Dumbfounded Clarke stares at the door for a while before packing up her stuff and heading towards her history class.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

At lunch time Clarke lets herself fall on an empty seat next to Octavia and is really happy to see some familiar faces. 

“Hey roomie” Octavia greets her with a small peck on the cheek and sticks a sticky note on top of the blonde’s English folder. It has a drawing of a muffin and “thank you” written on it.  
“You’re welcome” she laughs out loud “I thought I better get you breakfast before someone had to eat the purple hamster after all” 

While Octavia looks at her as if she were nuts, Raven knowingly nods “sleep talking again”

After the girls pick their lunch the boys appear at their table and all start to bombard Clarke with questions on her first classes while settling down next to them

“Do you have Mrs. Potts in history?” Monty asks 

“Yeah, how old is she anyway? She looked like she would die any second; one girl had to get her a glass of water because she was coughing so badly!”

“She’s probably 130 but Mrs. Ground seems to let her stick around until she becomes a fossil” Jasper bites into his apple and pretends to push his fake teeth back in 

“Guys, where is Lex?” Bellamy turns his head looking for the brunette 

“She texted me earlier, she isn’t coming. She said something about how she has to work on a project. Only Lexa can work on a project on the first day of the semester” Raven shakes her head and digs into her chicken salad

Clarke would never admit it but she immediately noticed that the brunette was missing when she approached the table earlier. The feeling of relief she felt rush through her mixed with a feeling of disappointment and sadness. “Does she feel threatened by me because of my friendship with Octavia and Raven?” she wonders while absently stirring her vanilla pudding

“A penny for your thoughts, princess” she looks up to see Bellamy smiling at her and feels the red creeping up her cheeks as if he could somehow see that she was thinking about Lexa

“I’m just tired, first days are exhausting” she shrugs and gathers the last bit of pudding on her spoon only for Octavia to stop her hand mid movement to lean forward and steal the pudding with a satisfying grin 

“You’re unbelievable” 

“Yes, unbelievably clever” Clarke just snorts at Octavia’s answer and focuses back on Bellamy who is doing some kind of card trick

“Can you teach me how to do that?”

“Sure”

They spend the last part of lunch hour to learn card tricks from the older Blake and chat about their plans for the weekend and Clarke can’t believe how lucky she is for being accepted into this great group of friends so quickly. She just needs to figure out the one person that didn’t welcome her with open arms…  
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke’s last class of the day is PE and she is happy to move a little and release some stress. When she pushes through the doors of the locker rooms there are already about 10 girls in there and she recognizes a few of them from previous classes. A girl with dark blond hair gives her a shy smile and a little wave and Clarke moves towards the locker next to her. It’s the girl that got the glass of water for Mrs. Potts earlier. Before she can open her mouth and introduce herself properly, the door of the locker room opens again behind her and she gets distracted by the tingling sensation in her neck. When she turns around her blue eyes meet green ones that are staring back at her. 

“She is everywhere” Lexa thinks and narrows her eyes at the blonde before heading to a locker in the other corner of the room. 

Clarke swallows and quietly changes into her light blue shorts and white top and sneakers. She finds herself relieved when the PE teacher sorts them into 4 teams to play volleyball on two fields and the green eyed girl is on the other field. Even though she loves volleyball and tries to concentrate on the game she can’t resist glancing at the girl from the corner of her eye every few minutes. 

“What is her problem” she mutters to herself. When her shoe laces come undone she squats down to tie them again and uses the little pause to take a better look at Lexa.  
The other girl doesn’t seem to be a big fan of volleyball. The otherwise rather graceful and confident looking brunette clumsily tries to get the ball over the net while stumbling forward and almost taking the net down. She really seems to lack hand-eye coordination. Clarke finds it adorable. 

They are about 60 minutes into the game when Mrs. Cooper blows the whistle that hangs from her neck “Ok guys. Please come over here for the last part of today’s class. If you’ve been in one of my classes before you probably know what’s going to happen next. You may just see this as a class and a random group of students, but since this is a boarding school I see you as more than that. You live together like in a big family and have to rely on each other’s help with your actual families not being around. In order to function as a family and a team in this class you have to trust. I would like for you to stand in two lines so that two of you are facing each other at a time”

The class moves to form the lines and Clarke finds herself facing the blond from the locker room who give her a cute smile

“Ok great, now you probably all have seen the trust exercises before where you let yourself fall back and the other person catches you. That’s exactly what I want you to do. Cross your arms over your chest and trust in your partner to catch you when you relax and fall backwards. After you’re done catching each other the first line moves one person to the left and we’ll keep doing this for the rest of the lesson until we hopefully all trust each other”

After Mrs. Cooper is done explaining the exercise Clarke turns back towards her first partner “Hi, I’m Clarke”

“Harper” the girl smiles “Do you want to catch me first?

“Sure” Clarke nods eagerly and stretches out her arms, prepared to catch the girl’s fall

Harper turns around, crosses her arms over her chest and takes a deep breath before closing her eyes and falling back. She lets out a little squeak but finds herself safely in Clarke’s arms a second later. 

After they successfully caught each other, Clarke does the same with a girl named Emori and two boys named Atom and Ryder. Still laughing about Ryder’s overdramatic fall where he pretended to faint, she moves to the left and her smile fades when she faces Lexa. She can see the tension in the brunettes body and almost whispers when she says “I go first” while she turns her back to the girl. She can feel the green eyes cutting holes into her back but tries to relax anyway. 

“Keep it together, Griffin” she thinks slightly annoyed of her own hesitation

She doesn’t dare to breathe when she lets herself fall back. However, the air is brutally pushed back into her lungs when she finds herself lying on the floor, hitting her head on the ground since she didn’t have time to catch her fall with her hands once she realized that Lexa wasn’t catching her. 

Her head is buzzing and she can hear faint voices which seem miles away. “She didn’t catch me” the blonde thinks over and over again, rage starting to form in her belly. When she finally looks up, Clarke meets the wide eyes of Lexa who just stares at her with an unreadable expression on her face. Before anyone can say something Clarke jumps to her feet, runs of towards the locker rooms and doesn’t bother to change back into her normal clothes just grabbing her stuff and getting as far away as possible. 

Back at the gym Mrs. Cooper and some students rally around Lexa and try to understand what just happened

The brunette still hasn’t moved from her position and stares at the locker room door “I couldn’t … I couldn’t…” 

“It’s ok Lexa. I know you’re not the person who would let someone fall on purpose. You should apologize to Clarke and I’m sure she won’t be mad. Everyone listen! Things like this happen when you don’t communicate properly with your partner, so make sure that everyone is ready before one of you falls backwards! Where done for today, see you next week.”

While the other students move towards the locker rooms Lexa is still glued to the spot. She couldn’t. She just couldn’t. And she can’t tell Mrs. Cooper that she didn’t fail because she couldn’t catch Clarke, but because she couldn’t touch Clarke. The thought of the blonde falling into her arms made her body cringe and take a step back. She just can’t touch Clarke. She doesn’t understand it but the girl just triggers something in her she never felt before and she can’t grasp it.  
_______________________________________________________________

Octavia dances through the halls with her headphones on. It has been a rather good first day of the semester and she is full of energy when she approaches her dorm room singing along to Smash Mouth’s “All Star”

“It's a cool place and they say it gets colder  
You're bundled up now but wait 'til you get older  
But the meteor men beg to differ  
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture“ 

she shouts out loudly while entering the room, spinning around and banging her head to the beat

“Hey Clarkey” she greets her roommate while throwing her backpack on her bed and kicking her shoes of. It is only then that she takes a closer look at her roommate and quickly turns her music off to hurry towards the blonde

“Clarke? Hey, what happened? Are you ok?” she sits down on Clarke’s bed and slowly reaches one hand out to place it on the other girl’s knee

Clarke sits on her bed, her back against the headboard, legs pulled up to her body. Her head is tilted to the left so her cheek rests on her knee; tears are slowly running down her face. Her right hand has a tight grip on a small object and when Octavia looks closer she sees that it’s a beautiful music box with a dancing princess in it that plays a slow tune

“Clarke?”

“I’m ok” her voice was barely a whisper as she forces a little smile on her face “My mum called…it’s nothing…I’m ok”

“Listen, it’s ok when you don’t want to talk about it” the brunette assures her and gently rubs her hand over the other girl’s knee “I know we just met 2 days ago but I’m here for you, Clarke. Ok? Whenever you need to talk”

Clarke snivels a little before slowly nodding and meeting her roommates eyes “Thanks Tavia” 

Octavia gives her a smile and her knee a little squeeze and walks towards her wardrobe where she grabs a towel and goes into the bathroom to get ready for bed. When she walks out 10 minutes later with a clean face and brushed teeth, the blond is asleep. Her music box though is still playing the tune of “Castle on a cloud” ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will have Raven/Lexa scenes and more of Lexa's POV ;) 
> 
>  
> 
> (can someone tell me how to keep things like italics when you copy your text in here ? it always changes back to the regular font :( ...)


	4. The one in which Fred is a "natrona"

It’s 9 pm and Raven sits on her bed in a band t-shirt and star wars shorts and examines the cut on her foot. She expected it to hurt a lot more, but Clarke did a pretty good job patching it up so she only walked with a small limp today. While she gently puts a fresh band-aid on her foot the door opens with a little squeak and her roommate appears 

“Hey” the green-eyed girl says softly and walks towards her wardrobe where she gets rid of her sneakers and bag “How’s your foot?”

“It’s fine” Raven watches Lexa with a frown on her face while the other girl seems to avoid looking at her “What happened at PE, Lexa?”

Lexa, who is putting on her favorite sleep shirt, freezes for a second with her head still in the shirt and swallows before slowly pulling the shirt over her head and looking at Raven

“Clarke told you?”

“No, Clarke hasn’t told me anything” Raven huffs “ I heard Hayley gossip about it in IT club who apparently got it from some guy named Tony who is friends with Ryder”

Lexa feels her stomach drop. So basically the whole school will know about this by tomorrow

“So what happened? They said you pushed her and she hit her head or something?!”

“I ...I didn’t push her” Lexa closes her eyes before continuing “we had to do some trust exercises… She fell backwards, I was suppose to catch her. I couldn’t. I didn’t…” Flashes from the incident come back to her and Lexa can almost feel the death glare Clarke gave her before she run off

“Why the heck didn’t you catch her?” Raven gets of her bed and takes a few steps towards her friend. Lexa can see the anger and confusion in the big brown eyes and feels her own eyes tear up

“I just couldn’t… I wanted to but something snapped in my brain and I took a step back” she can’t tell Raven the whole truth, even though she isn’t sure what the whole truth was “I didn’t mean to” her voice is shaky now “I’m sorry…” 

Raven feels most of the anger leave her body when she takes in the sight in front of her. Lexa’s shoulders have dropped and her hands are nervously tugging at her shirt. She looks miserable

“Hey Lex, it’s ok” she says while quickly closing the distance between them and pulling the other girl in for a big hug. They both sit down on Lexa’s bed; Raven pulling her down until she rests her head on her lap

“I’m really sorry” tears are running down her face now

“I know” she starts running her fingers soothingly through the brown curls “but you should apologize to Clarke. She seems really great , Lex, I think you would actually like her, you just have to give her a chance”

Lexa curls up into a ball and sniffs a little. After a moment Raven can feel a little nod of her head in her lap. The two friends stay like this until Lexa’s shaky breaths are replaced by calm, even ones and Raven carefully slips out underneath her. She places a light blanket over the sleeping girl and turns off the lamp on her nightstand before crawling into her own bed  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
When Clarke wakes up after a night full of chaotic dreams her head is still pounding a little. She moves her left hand up and gently brushes her fingertips over the bump she got as souvenir from the PE incident. The pain makes her hiss a little and for a second she considers burying herself under the blankets and not going to class. The blonde closes her eyes tightly and shakes her head, answering her own question. She can’t miss class. It’s only her second day.  
At the same time yesterday she was sleepy but still happy. Happy to start over here and happy to see her new friends again. Happy that she doesn’t have to worry about anything but classes for a change. But then the PE thing happened. Lexa happened. Clarke had immediately noticed that the girl with the emerald eyes didn’t seem too fond of her, but this was not just dislike. “She hates me” Clarke whispers to herself and is surprised how much this realization hurts. Clarke has never been bullied. She was never unpopular. Normally she gets along with everybody. But that’s not it and she knows it.  
She isn’t afraid that there might be a person who hates her, she is just afraid that Lexa hates her. It could have been any other person from her PE class who dropped her and she would be fine now. Sure, she would have been pissed for a second and her head would’ve hurt the same. But she wouldn’t have this tight feeling in her chest right now. She wouldn’t take it personal. But it is personal. She hates that Lexa hates her. She hates that she let her fall on her head. She hates that she didn’t care enough to apologize. But most of all she hates that she is still fascinated by the brunette

Clarke’s thoughts are interrupted by Octavia who walks out of the bathroom dressed in a red mini skirt and black tank top 

“Hey sleepyhead”

“Morning Tavia”

“Are you feeling better?” she walks towards Clarke who is now sitting at the edge of her bed, legs hanging from the side and feet hovering over her slippers

“Yeah” she smiles at her roommate whose face gives away that she is probably expecting a longer answer but the girl just goes with an “Ok” for now

20 minutes later Clarke is dressed and Octavia waits for her leaning against the door, scrawling though her facebook page

“Ready?”

The blonde just nods and follows her new friend out of the dorm room. After a few steps Octavia stops and grabs Clarke’s hand, threading her fingers through her own

“This is gonna be a good day, I promise” Clarke thanks her with a smile and squeezes her hand before following her down the stairs and towards the dining hall  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Claaaarke this can’t be happening” Octavia whines and steps from one foot to another 

Clarke feels her mood lighten a little while she watches the dork that is standing next to her in the dining hall line

“I’m serious Clarke! I don’t know if I will survive this day without him”

“Him?” she looks at her roommate with a raised eyebrow

“Fred”

“You named a bagel?”

“Yes Clarke, I love bagels. I really want to get intimate with this cream cheese one in particular and since he is the last one I thought I show him how much I want him by naming him” she winks at the blonde and blows a kiss at the bagel 

“You’re nuts!” she giggles and watches as Fred is handed to a chubby boy with huge glasses “uhm Octavia, I don’t want to destroy your cream cheese fantasies but looks like Fred is cheating on you. And he seems to be gay”

The brunette follows Clarke’s hand that points towards the bagel thief and bends forward, hands on her thighs, making dying-whale-noises 

“Natrona!” she growls which earns her a confused look from her friend “It means traitor in trigedasleng, it’s a language Raven, Lexa and I made up in our first year here” she explains when they reach the front of the line

“Of course it is” she laughs before turning around “I’ll have a bagel with strawberry jam, please” Clarke says to the lady behind the counter “What about you O? Ready to move on from Fred?” 

“I’ll have the same” the other girl mutters before she darts malignant glances at the chubby boy who is already done with eating Fred

Since they waited in line for 15 minutes they don’t have time to sit down so they take their bagels to go and walk towards art class, which they luckily have together. They can already see the class room when a door to their left opens and Raven and Lexa emerge from the girl’s bathroom

“Look who we’ve got here! Pocahontas and Princess Peach, I’m deeply hurt that you didn’t think about walking to class together” Raven says dramatically and lets out a fake sob which makes Octavia snort and move in to hug her best friend

While the two of them talk about the upcoming classes, Lexa leans against the wall behind Raven and seems to be really fascinated be the spider web in the window that she is staring at. Clarke narrows her eyes at the girl. “She doesn’t even care enough to apologize” the blonde thinks and the emotionless expression on the other girls face makes her get angrier by the second. That’s when Lexa looks her in the eyes. It’s just for 2 seconds before she averts her eyes back to the window again, but those two seconds are enough to wash a wave of emotions through Clark’s body. In those 2 seconds the look in Lexa’s eyes shows so much. Fear, confusion, desperation… No hate this time. “Does he care?” Clarke thinks before she concentrates on her new friends again

“Uhh O. before I forget” Raven digs in her backpack and reveals a little tupper ware container “How much do you love me?” she asks Octavia with a huge smirk on her face before handing her the container

Octavia takes the lid of and her eyes widen immediately “RAVEN! You’re my favorite person in the world right now” she jumps forward ,presses a wet kiss on the girl’s cheek and happily digs into the cream cheese bagel “helloooo Wilma”

“I know, I’m awesome” Raven says flipping her hair over her shoulder 

Lexa interrupts them “I have to go to class, bye” she stutters and disappears behind the next corner before anyone can say a word

Raven clears her throat “You know, she does feel bad about what happened, Clarke. Trust me, she will apologize” 

“Well she just had the chance to do that” Clarke huffs as they enter the classroom

“I know” Raven sighs and takes a seat in the back row

“Wait. What happened? Why does she have to apologize to Clarke? What did I miss?”  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Octavia only stops asking questions about the PE thing when Mr. Clemmons enters the classroom and starts talking about their plans for the next weeks. Clarke is thankful. She doesn’t want to answer questions about the incident any more since this would make her think about Lexa again and she really doesn’t want to waste another thought on the brunette.  
To the blonde’s excitement the teacher does not give them too many instructions, everything where they use lots of colors goes for the first assignment. The moment her fingers close around the paintbrush it’s like she finally lets out the breath she has been holding for month. She isn’t ready to paint something meaningful, but maybe she can start with something fun.  
While the two other girls keep laughing and talking with a playful nudge now and then, Clarke pushes at her table and chair so she has the window in her back for better lighting. She looks at the two weirdos in front of her and knows exactly what she will paint; dipping her brush into a dark brown. Loosing herself in her work she is done before she realizes it.  
She grabs her painting and pushes her chair back to take a look at Raven and Octavia’s work

“Hey Clarkey, we thought we’d lost you! You seemed pretty zoned out over there” Octavia says while writing her initials in the corner of her painting. Clarke squinches her eyes, looking at the colorful oval shaped thingy on the brunettes sheet “O., what exactly am I looking at?” 

“Duh, it’s a pizza!”

“Of course it is” Clarke snickers and moves her gaze to Raven’s painting “Is that a unicorn riding a motorcycle?” 

The brown eyes girl nods with a proud grin on her face “It’s a masterpiece! Wanna buy it? Only 5 bucks”

“What? I thought I can have it” Octavia whines with her best puppy eyes 

“Fine you get it for a dollar and I want your weird ass color blob in return”

Octavia narrows her eyes at her cocky friend and decides to ignore her comment and turn towards Clarke instead “So what did you paint, princess?”

“Yeah, let’s see it. We showed you ours, now we want to see yours” Raven added with a devilish grin on her face

“I don’t think you’re ready to see ‘mine’ , Raven, but here’s my painting” Clarke counters winking at the girl and placing her painting on the table

“Oh my God!! Clarke!! That’s so amazing!” the two girls take a few moments to admire Clarke’s work

It shows Raven sitting at a table with a bowl of cereal in front of her. Her mouth is slightly open and her hand holds a spoon that is approaching her face. In the background Octavia seems to jump towards her friend with a terrified look on her face, her hands apparently trying to stop Raven. On the spoon there is a cheerio. A cheerio and a purple hamster that mimics Octavia’s expression

“That’s sooo awesome! Can we keep it Clarke? Pretty pretty pleeeease” Raven excitedly jumps up and down “Why didn’t you tell us that you can draw like that? Can you make more things like this with O and I in it?”

“Sure” the blond nods and they all start packing up their things when the bell announces the end of art class  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The rest of the day goes great for Clarke. She sits next to Harper in biology, sees Raven again in her Spanish class, and only has to give the short version of the Lexa incident to the boys during lunch. She feels a lot better and can’t really explain why it is almost midnight and she can’t seem to get herself to sleep. After 90 minutes full of tossing and turning she decides to get up and move around for a while. Her dad always told her to get up and walk around when she cannot fall asleep after 30 minutes of trying and wait for 15 minutes before trying again. Since she doesn’t want to wake her roommate, whose dream about “rainbow carrots” is probably going to inspire her next painting, she decides to leave the room and head to the common room on the second floor

The room with two big leather sofas and a small kitchen unit in it is empty. She rummages around the shelves until she has all the ingredients for her dad’s famous hot chocolate and opens the fridge to get some milk. When she closes the door of the fridge and turns around, green eyes are staring at her. Startled, Clarke jumps a little and closes her eyes for a second before staring back at Lexa. The other girl quickly averts her gaze, but stays glued to the threshold.  
The blonde lets out a tiny huff and turns back towards her ingredients on the countertop. She feels all of her muscles tighten and has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from just turning around and yelling at the brunette. She puts the mug with milk into the microwave and thinks that Lexa has probably already left when she hears a tiny voice behind her

“I’m sorry” Clarke doesn’t dare to turn around and just waits “I’m sorry, Clarke. I didn’t mean to hurt you” it’s only a whisper but the words make Clarke’s heart beat a little faster

She slowly turns to face the girl that is still standing at the door and looks at her. The discomfort is written all over her face. “Get yourself together, Clarke” she thinks to herself when Lexa’s expression is making her stomach flip “She apologized but it took her long enough, you can’t just forgive her”

After a long moment of just watching her, Clarke gives her a nod and turns back towards the microwave that is done with warming up her milk. She places the hot mug on the countertop and pauses for a second. Rolling her eyes at what she is about to do she takes a second mug from the shelf and glances over her shoulder to make sure that the brunette hasn’t left. When she sees the big green eyes that are still looking at her she fills the second mug with milk and quietly proceeds with making the hot chocolate. After sprinkling a little bit of cinnamon on top of the hot beverage she takes a deep breath and reaches for the mugs.  
The blonde walks towards the girl that is shyly leaning against the doorframe and silently hands her a mug with Ernie and Bert on it before walking past her. She can hear a barely audible “Thank you” before she turns the corner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter starts with Lexa's point of view of the hot chocolate scene ;)


	5. The one in which Lexa almost loses an eye...

_(Lexa'sPOV of the hot chocolate scene)_

Lexa lies in her bed, both arms draped around her head (her favorite sleeping position) and her thoughts are practically screaming at each other so loud that she can’t sort them. Images flash through her mind - Raven being mad, her math homework, blue eyes glaring at her…she feels like a cauldron that is bubbling and going to explode as soon as another thing is added to the mixture.  She squeezes her eyes shut before she sits up and swings her legs out of her bed. Raven seems to be asleep on the other side of the room so she decides to walk through the halls for a while to clear her head. Walking slowly and swinging her arms in the process she heads towards the first common room which is also a little library only to find it locked. She almost walks back to her room, but decides to check for the other common room instead

When she rounds the corner she can see light streaming out of the open door and hears a little rattling noise. Stepping into the threshold her heart stops for a second at the sight of the blonde girl that seems to be busy digging through the shelves. Clarke is wearing a large football jersey that ends just underneath her butt and it’s pulled up a little when the girl stands on her tiptoes to reach for the cinnamon.

Lexa gulps and doesn’t have time to wonder what the frack is going on with her because the blonde turns around with a slight jump and their eyes meet. She wants to run. Run or throw up. But she can’t. Raven asked her to try. “Come on, Lexa! Just try, say something!” she screams internally when Clarke turns her back at her, obviously mad at Lexa. The brunette digs her purple fingernails into her palms

“I’m sorry” she finally manages to say and first isn’t sure that the blonde heard her, but then she can see her body tense up so she quietly goes on “I’m sorry, Clarke. I didn’t mean to hurt you”

Lexa holds her breath and waits for the blonde to show any kind of reaction to her apology. After a few seconds that feel like ages for Lexa, Clarke finally faces her again and looks at her as if she can see right through her, studying her face. When the girl nods, acknowledging her words, and turns around to continue with her work, Lexa lets out the breath she has been holding.

“I should go” she thinks but can’t seem to make her feet function properly since they remain glued to the threshold. She watches the blonde making what appears to be hot chocolate and almost winces when the girl quickly glances over her shoulder and blue eyes meet green for a split second. Confusion rushes through Lexa when Clarke grabs a second mug and fetches more milk from the fridge. She leans against the doorframe afraid that her legs will give up underneath her “Is she actually making me hot chocolate?”

Her inner question gets answered when the other girl walks towards her with two mugs in her hands and puts one of them in her slightly shaking right hand without saying a word. Just before the blonde is out of sight Lexa gets her brain to function again and she manages to make a “Thank you” leave her lips

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

The next few days are busy for Clarke. Despite it being the first week of the semester she gets tons of homework and spends every free second with her new friends. But she feels great. Being busy keeps her from thinking about her parents. It’s Friday and after spending her morning in class (German and Geography) , she had a group meeting with what Octavia calls their Academy-Mum, a young woman named Roma who is going to be her go-to person when she has any problems or sorrows. Exhausted after listening to Roma talk about all the Academy rules she is happy to let out some steam with Bellamy at lunch break when he takes her for a quick bike ride around the premises. Laughing so hard that she is crying after Bellamy tried riding his bike with his eyes closed which ended in him pulling thorns out of his butt and leafs of his hair, she feels the energy coming back to her and she is ready for the last class of the week.

The last class is English and Clarke can feel her heart beat faster in her chest when she reaches the classroom. This time she made sure to be extra early so there are only 3 other students in the room when she walks in. She sits down at the same spot as she has on Monday and takes out her copy of High Fidelity, a notebook, and a pen. Clarke is just about to write the date in the upper left corner of her empty notebook page when Mr Jefferson enters the room, followed by the rest of the students. While the teacher seems to discuss something with a boy in the front row Clarke catches sight of brown curls out of the corner of her eye but is afraid of what she will see when she looks up. To her surprise, the owner of the brown curls immediately addresses her when she takes the seat next to her

“Hello Clarke” a shy voice makes the blonde finally looks up and her stomach flutters when Lexa looks at her with a tiny smile on her face before taking her stuff out of her bag

“Hey” is all Clarke manages to answer, still thrown off by the sudden change of behavior by the brunette

Mr Jefferson starts the lesson and like the last time Clarke enjoys discussing the material and almost doesn’t notice the green eyed girl that is looking at her every few minutes. Almost…

 

“This is not so bad” Lexa manages to concentrate a lot better than the last time she had to sit next to the blonde for 90 minutes. After still being a bit tense for the first 20 minutes she notices that the other girl’s proximity is acceptable after the initial feeling of nausea. “being next to Clarke is like …like riding a rollercoaster” Lexa thinks to herself “first it scares you shitless but once you get used to it it’s actually a good feeling…even though it still makes you want to throw up”

Lexa is pulled out of her thoughts by the bell announcing the end of class and is really proud of herself when she faces the blonde and tells her „See you at dinner“ before she heads out the door and towards her room

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Clarke is about to think that “see you at dinner” was just a phrase and Lexa isn’t actually going to show up when she looks up from her spinach lasagna and sees the brunette walking towards their table with a food tray in her hands. Raven, Octavia and the boys and very engrossed in their conversation so they only notice Lexa when she trips over her own feet and stumbles against their table, the straw of her fizzy drink poking her in the eye

“Ouch” the girl squinches her left eye shut that starts tearing up, using the other eye to glare at Octavia and Raven who are laughing their asses off

“Are you ok?” Clarke scoots over a little to make room for Lexa who hesitates for a moment before taking a seat

“Yes, thanks” she grabs a napkin, places it on her lap and mutters mostly to herself “It’s a very good thing didn’t have breadsticks, I could have lost an eye”

“Did you just quote Hugh Grant?” the blonde asks with a smirk on her face, one eyebrow raised

Lexa blushes and is thankful that Octavia is interrupting them “Ok guys, now that you’re all here I have some exiting news” she makes a dramatic pause and looks around their group “I had like this totally long and insane discussion with Indra (“principal Ground” Raven whispers to Clarke) today, there may have been some begging and puppy eyes involved, but after I basically presented my case like Elle Woods she allowed me to have a party for my birthday next week!”

“Oh my god, O! That’s amazing!” Raven screams a little too loud, jumping on her seat “Wait what are the rules, I bet there are rules !?”

“Yeah, unfortunately there are. But it’s the only way I could convince her since these birthday party rules have to count for everyone from now on. She can’t have anyone thinking that she favors me just because I’m kind of her family”

Jasper grunts “Ok, just rip the band-aid off fast. What are the rules?”

Octavia lets out a little sigh and starts explaining the rules her legal guardian gave her “The party has to be in my room, I get to print 12 invitations and distribute them, only people with an invite are allowed. The party lasts from 8pm to midnight, we can have somewhat louder music till 10pm; afterwards it should not disturb the other people on the hall. Jas, maybe you can bring your guitar?”

“Oh yeah, we can have some kind of campfire singing session after 10pm, that would be awesome” Monty nods enthusiastically

“Is that it?” Bellamy questioningly looks at the younger Blake

“Well…no alcohol obviously and only the girls get to sleep over if they want to” she shrugs and apologetically looks at the boys

“That’s not bad right?” Clarke places her fork on the empty plate in front of her and whishes she would have got some kind of dessert “I mean, you can’t expect her to allow underage drinking and I think we can have fun without alcohol…” she shakes her head “I…uhm…YOU can have fun, I wasn’t saying that you have to invite me, I ..”

She quickly gets interrupted by her roommate “Of course you’re invited Clarkey! You’re a part of this group now, better get used to it” she winks and places her hand over the blonde’s to squeeze it gently “I’m not sure who’ll get the remaining 4 invites but you guys are definitely coming! Oh and before I forget, it’s a costume party so get creative my darlings” she wiggles her eyebrows and a big grin spreads over her face when she sees the boys’ reaction to her last rendition

While the group discusses the party and possible costume choices Clarke absentmindedly traces the patters on the wooden table with her finger. She is deep in her thoughts, starring at the table, when a little hand comes into view. Shaking off the trance-like feeling in her head she blinks a few times to find an oreo cookie next to her plate. Turning her head in surprise she sees Lexa eating her own cookie with a tiny smile on her face, not looking at the blonde. Clarke bites her lip and starts eating the oreo. She wonders if the tingling in her tummy comes from the cookie…

 ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Lexiiiiiii” Raven hugs her friend once the door of their dorm room closes behind them “I’m sooo proud of you!”

“Uhm…Raven ? What are you talking about?” the green eyed girl wonders while trying to get Raven’s hair out of her mouth

“Well, I talked to Clarke and she said everything is good between the two of you and I didn’t believe her at first, but then I watched you at dinner and you actually smiled at her !! And you gave her a cookie! Nooo, not just a cookie, you gave her a fucking oreo ! Lex you don’t chare your oreos!”

Lexa takes a step back and meets Ravens eyes “You told me to try….so I tried” she shrugs and walks towards her wardrobe to get a hoodie

“Oh yes, you definitely did! She is not that bad once you get to know her, isn’t she?”

“I guess…”            

“Ok great! I’ll head to their room in about an hour to give the Octopus her stupid minion shirt back, you should join me” Raven collapses into the big green armchair and kicks her sneakers off

Lexa opens her mouth to object but closes it again. It’s pointless to argue with Raven and she knows it

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

50 minutes later the two brunettes walk up the stairs to the third floor and head towards their friends’ room. Raven is excitedly talking about this new build-your-own-radio kit she saw on Amazon when she pauses and both girls stop dead in their tracks a few steps away from their destination

“What the heck?” Raven looks at Lexa with wide eyes before she bursts out laughin

They can hear loud music from Clarke and Octavia’s room, however, even louder than the music are the two girls singing along at the top of their lungs

_“It’s a hard-knock life for us, it’s a hard knock LIFE or us! ‘Stead of treated we get tricked! ‘Stead of kisses we get kicked!...”_

Raven quietly pushes the door open just enough for them to peek into the room and they are definitely not prepared for what they see on the other side. At first, Lexa can only see Octavia who is wearing an apron and dancing with a broom, but after a moment the girls seem to switch positions and her eyes fall on Clarke. It’s the most adorable thing Lexa has ever seen. The blonde is wearing the same oversized football jersey she wore at their hot chocolate encounter, only with red fussy socks on her feet. Her hair is in a ponytail, a light blue bandana is tied around her head, and a few strings of hair loosely fall into her face. She slides over the wooden floor with two cleaning rags under her socks and her left hand has a tight grip on a pink duster which she uses as a microphone

_“…got no folks to speak of , so, it’s the hard-knock row we how…”_

She feels her heart rate increasing when she watches the blue eyed dork in front of her, but is quickly ripped out of her trance by Raven’s snorts when Octavia bumps her foot on Clarke’s nightstand. Raven’s laugh finally makes the two girls turn towards the door. While Clarke seems a little embarrassed, Octavia is just Octavia

“Aww Ray Ray and Sexy Lexy! You wanna join our happy little group of orphans and help us clean our room?” she asks while pretending to waltz with the broomstick

“hahaha, no thanks. I just wanted to return this” Raven throws the minion shirt at her friend

“Come on Raven, waltz with me!” Octavia pouts and looks at her best friend with the cutes puppy eyes she can manage

“Fine” Raven grunts and lets Octavia pull her into a waltz position

While her two friends dance through the room Lexa keeps her eyes on them, even though she can feel the blonde’s eyes on her. It’s back. The nauseous feeling she gets around Clarke just bubbles underneath the surface and she is afraid that it will break free when their eyes meet. She only relaxes when Clarke disappears into the bathroom and is glad that Raven is ready to leave before she appears again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be Octavia's birthday party and they don't need alcohol for things to get interesting ;)


	6. The one with the party

Raven opens the door as quietly as possible and sticks her head into the room. Looking around she sees Clarke’s empty bed and judging by the noise that is coming from the bathroom, the blonde is currently taking a shower. Octavia however seems to be dead asleep. Raven sneaks up to her friend’s bed and stares at the comatose girl that is sprawled out like a starfish, the thin bedsheet just covering her lower body; her exposed upper body only wearing a red lace bra. She sighs. She really wants to feel the lace between her fingers…Raven shakes her head to clear away the image and holds her breath while slowly climbing on the bed and trying to straddle the other brunette without waking her. Octavia lets out a little grunt and a frown starts to form on her face, though, she doesn’t appear to be awake yet. Raven chuckles and leans down, their noses almost touching

“Happy Birthday O” she whispers and this finally manages to rip Octavia out of her dream world

She opens her eyes and smiles “it’s my birthday! oh my god, I’m finally 17!” she shrieks enthusiastically and wraps her arms around her best friend’s neck

Raven snickers and buries her face into dark brown hair before slightly pulling away “yeah, finally you’re not a baby anymore” she teases and affectionately looks down at the birthday girl who sticks out her tongue but returns the smile. Raven could look at this smile forever. She wishes she could catch it and lock it up in a jaw that she could fetch every time she’s sad or stressed. Her friend’s birthday serving as an excuse, she leans towards the girl again and gives her a quick and tender kiss

“Happy Birthday” she whispers once more before moving to get off the bed and heading towards the door. When her hand closes around the doorknob she pauses to look over her shoulder “You should put on something more appropriate and come to breakfast. I’ll save you some bacon”. Winking at Octavia who has an unreadable expression on her face she leaves the room

 ____________________________________________________________________________________

3 hours later Raven, Octavia, and Clarke are standing in the common room and use the little kitchen to prepare a few snacks for the party

“do you guys know for how long this puff pastry stuff has to stay in the oven ?” Octavia kneels in front of the oven and turns around to questioningly look at her friends

“aren’t there any instructions on the packaging?” Clarke shrugs while she crushes oreo cookies in a blender

The birthday girl sighs and looks at the other brunette who has been uncharacteristically quiet since this morning. Yeah…this morning. Octavia can’t even pinpoint what it is exactly that felt so different about the situation. It’s not like Raven hasn’t seen her in her underwear (or even naked) at least a hundred times before. And they’ve shared many friendly little pecks on the lips. But something feels off…She gets ripped out of her thoughts by the content moans of the two other girls who are currently licking the cream from Clarke’s oreo balls off their fingers

“Oh my god, Clarke! This is soooo good” Raven lets out a content sigh “I can’t even imagine how this is gonna taste when it’s covered in chocolate”

Clarke chuckles and takes the melted chocolate out of the microwave while Raven washes her hands and continues to mix a punch. Turning her attention back to her snacks in the oven, Octavia decides that they’re ready to be taken out. She grabs a pair of oven mitts

“So, I hope you got some amazing costumes for tonight. Even though mine is definitely going to be the best” she teases while placing the baking tray on the stove

“Since when is this a competition?” the other brunette mutters and puts the big punch bowl in the fridge

“It’s not, grumpy cat” Raven just glares at her in return

“Ooookay” Clarke looks from on girl to the other, highly aware of the tension between them “looks like we’re done here! Tavia, let’s go decorate our room”

______________________________________________________________________________________________

It takes the two roommates about an hour to make the room look somewhat like a party location with the limited selection of stuff they got from the little party shop in town. 3 long fairy lights are hung up across the ceiling and a disco ball was tied to the lamb at the center of the room. The doors are decorated with red and black balloons while sparkly paper garlands cover the walls and a big “happy birthday” streamer hangs over the long table they will use for the finger food and drinks

“Well…” Octavia stands in the middle of the room and slowly turns around to take in their work “it kinda looks like I’m turning 7 and not 17, but better than no decorations at all, right?” she looks at Clarke who sits on her bed with the back against the headboard

“I like it! It’s colorful and sooo sparkly…it screams Octavia” she giggles and quickly brings her hands up to fight off the pillow her friend just threw at her

“Very funny” the brunette huffs “come on, we better get our stuff from the kitchen and then start getting ready. It’s almost 6 and I want my makeup and hair to be perfect!”

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Since Octavia called dibs on the bathroom mirror, Clarke uses the one on her wardrobe door to apply her makeup and curl her hair. Happy with the way her smoky eyes turned out she adds a little more blush and finishes off the look with a dusky pink lipstick. The blonde carefully takes off the dressing gown she put on to protect her outfit from getting makeup on it and adjusts the cleavage of her dress. Sitting down on a stool Clarke grabs a pair of white knee high stockings that have a little pink bow at the top and puts them on before sliding her feet into her favorite pumps. She grins at her reflection in the mirror and walks towards her nightstand where she opens the drawer and takes out a golden tiara

“OH MY GOD! CLARKEY!!” Octavia stands in the open bathroom door and jumps up and down before rushing towards her roommate “You’re Princess Peach!! That’s sooo awesome, the others are gonna flip out!” she reaches her hand out to touch Clarke’s blonde curls that are bouncing just above her shoulders

“hahaha!  yeah, I though I’m stuck with this nickname anyway. You look pretty good yourself, Pocahontas” she smirks and playfully tugs at the fringes on Octavia’s dress

“You can say it, I look hot” she winks and adds a blue necklace to finish of her outfit “Even though your dress if even shorter” she wiggles her eyebrows and Clarke can’t help but blush a little while looking down at her pink and white dress that barely ends mid thigh . She doesn’t have time to feel embarrassed though, because Jasper and Monty burst through the door ten minutes early

“Where is our birthday girl?” Jasper places his guitar on the floor and steps forward to give the brunette a big hug “Happy Birthday, O!” he pulls away and Monty mimics his action

“Oww, thanks guys! Or should I say thanks Bert and Ernie” she laughs and makes a rotating movement with her index finger, telling the two boys to spin around so she can have a better look at their outfits

They both have a lot of gel in their hair to make it stand up and Jasper has Bert’s unibrow. While Mont painted his face in a bright orange and wears a blue and red striped long-sleeved shirt with a yellow collar, Jasper somehow looks like a banana in a turtleneck

“Wow, Clarke! Where’s the rest of your dress” Jasper looks at the blonde with wide eyes and places a fruit salad and chips on the snack table

“Shut up, it’s not THAT short…is it?” Clarke chews on her bottom lip and nervously looks down to her thighs again

“I think it has the perfect length” Bellamy who just entered the door gives Clarke a once-over, followed by Murphy and Miller who start whistling when they lay eyes on the girls

“O, I was going to murder you for making this a costume party, but I think I just changed my mind. Damn !” Murphy has a mischievous grin on his face and Clarke suddenly feels very naked

“Keep it in your pants Murphy”

“Yeah, conveniently I’m allergic to pineapple anyway” Clarke smirks at the creep who dressed up as said fruit

Miller aka Harry Potter and Bellamy who is dressed as a pirate add a plate with cheese and crackers as well as a few bottles of coke to the snack table and Octavia starts the party playlist on her laptop. Jasper and Monty immediately take over the dance floor and Clarke things she has never seen anything as hilarious as Bert and Ernie jumping round to Uptown Funk. When the door opens again 4 people walk in whom she recognizes from her history and German classes. A rather shy girl named Maya is dressed as ballerina, the handsome Atom is rocking an Elvis costume, and Monroe is wearing an 80s dance outfit while Anya’s face clearly shows that she seems to be with Murphy on this whole costume thing, but she put on a catwoman suit and mask anyway. The pile of presents gets bigger and bigger and Clarke’s stomach begins to growl at the sight of the equally increasing amount of food. She totally forgot to eat anything due to the decoration and dress up stress. Just when she is about to walk towards Monroe who seems to be a bit lost in the group Raven bursts through the door

“Did somebody call for a hot ass Jedi?” she calls out while swinging her lightsaber and seductively circling her hips

Clarke lets out a loud snort which quickly transforms into a cough that leaves her gasping for air when Raven moves into the room and reveals the person that is standing behind her. The blonde is pretty sure she is about to have a stroke at the sight of the green eyed girl that is slowly stepping into the room with a big bowl of punch in her hands. Lexa looks breathtaking. Literally, Clarke can’t remember how to inhale. The brunette is wearing a light floating skirt made of an almost translucent material with a split on both sides that opens the skirt up to the middle of her thighs. A thin gold chain is draped around her hips with one end hanging down a few inches. Lexa’s toned belly is naked; only her upper body being covered in a bra-like bejeweled top with the same material as the skirt covering her shoulders, looking like little flimsy wings. The whole outfit is made of a variation of shades of blue and turquoise with a few gold accents. She is a belly dancer.  When their eyes meet for a second she can feel the heat rushing through her body and has to make herself look away before she starts to drool “Oh my god, how am I going to survive this night without a drink” she screams internally and is glad when Octavia chooses this moment to gather them all in a circle on the floor

“Oh guys, I know you’re all hungry, but I just HAVE to open my presents first” she excitedly claps her hands together and lets them hover over the pile for a bit before grabbing a rectangular present in pink wrapping that turns out to be a DVD from Atom. After receiving books from Maya and Monroe and Jasper and Monty getting a huge teddy bear from the hall she freaks out about a pair of boots from Lexa and practically tackles the other girl to the ground to drop kisses all over her face with loud smacking noises. Next she moves on to Clarke’s present which consists of 5 individually wrapped pieces. Tearing off the tape she reveals the first little canvas

“It’s another dream” she says with a faint voice, in awe of the picture in her hand which shows herself with a bunch of rainbow colored carrots in her hands that are draped like a bouquet of flowers. She is handing the carrots to Raven, both girls having a blush on their face

“Yeah you’re quit the talker when you sleep. It kind of inspired me” Clarke shrugs while the birthday girl passes the canvas around for everyone to see and then picks up the second canvas

When Octavia is done with all of the 5 canvases she is almost in tears as she hugs the blonde tightly “Thank you so so much, they are perfect, Clarke”

“You’re welcome Tavia”

“Ok before I start ruining my makeup I better keep going” the brunette dashes away a single tear and picks up an envelope “hmmm” she shakes it, feels it, and then smells it

“A pony!!”

The room is silent for a moment, everyone starring at Clarke and Lexa who shouted out at the exact same moment and are now really looking at each other for the first time this evening

“Looks like you found a fellow marshmallow” Raven nudges her roommate who blushes but can’t contain her smile while Clarke has a big grin on her face that only fades a little when she catches herself looking at Lexa’s cleavage

“I don’t get it” Bellamy looks from one girl to another

“You don’t have to. It’s enough that they get it” Raven smiles at Clarke and everyone goes back to concentrating on Octavia who is currently reading the card she found in the envelope

“Bell !! Sugarwoods Spa? That’s the fancy one at Charlston Street, right? That’s soo cool” she kisses her big brother on the cheek and thanks him for the gift certificate for a whole day at the spa for her and a friend of her choice

There is only one tiny little present left. It’s a red box with a black ribbon on it. Octavia carefully picks up the box and glances towards Raven who nervously fiddles with her lightsaber. Opening it she finds a thin golden bracelet that has a heart and the word “forever” engraved in it

She traces her fingers over the word “I love it. Thank you Ray” she places the bracelet on her wrist and holds it towards her best friend who attaches it with shaky hands

___________________________________________________________________________________________

*SNAP * Miller looks at the screen of his SLR camera and gives Bellamy and Octavia a thumbs up for the picture he just took of them. He sits down on Clarke’s bed and quickly goes through all the shots he got so far, occasionally deleting one that didn’t turn out so well. He stops at a picture that shows Raven and Clarke dancing together and almost clicks to the next one when he notices another person in the background. The jaw of the brunette belly dancer nearly touches the ground while her eyes are clearly glued to the blonde’s thighs. Looking up from his camera Miller finds Lexa at the snack table with a plate in her hand, poking the green Jell-O with a spoon. She crumbles her face in disgust and reaches for one of Octavia’s puff pastries filled with cheese and bacon. The boy watches her walk towards Octavia’s bed and then suddenly stop dead in her tracks when Clarke gets there first and takes a seat next to Bellamy who is stuffing a cracker into his mouth. Lexa turns on her heels and settles down on the ground instead, leaning against the wall

“curiouser and curiouser” Miller mumbles

_________________________________________________________________________________

After dancing for an hour Clarke thinks she may need an oxygen tent. The white and pink dress sticks to her skin and she really wants to get rid of the stockings, but fears that she might feel even more exposed without them. Throwing her head back and taking a deep breath she signals to Octavia and Anya that she will take a break and heads towards the snack table to get a soda. She leans against the wall and let’s herself slip down to sit on the floor next to the table where she opens the can of Sprite and enjoys the cold beverage

“Oh my god!!” the blonde is suddenly wide awake when these words are followed by the sexiest moan she has ever heard “Oh my god! Raven what is that? It’s sooo good I wish I had some Tupperware thingy to steal all of them” Lexa sighs while licking the remains of an oreo ball off her thumb, letting the finger go with a pop. Clarke thinks she just came a little

“Haha they’re called oreo balls. Clarke made them after I told her about you’re oreo addiction” Raven stuffs one of the chocolate covered cookie balls into her own mouth and is too busy choosing her next snack to notice the blush on her roommates cheeks

“Guys listen up” Octavia calls out while stopping the playlist on her laptop “Unfortunately, it’s already 10pm so we have to turn it down a notch. But I think Jasper is more than happy to play his guitar for us and it’s been a while since we all got to sit around and sing together. So how about we all grab a pillow and sit in a circle campfire-style?”

“Sounds good, Pocahontas” Atom gives her two thumbs up and everyone moves to find a pillow or something else to sit on

Once they are all settled down, Clarke notices that her friends all seem to expectantly look at Raven who is still busy finding a comfortable position to sit in which is complicated by the tight dress she wears under her Jedi cloak. Finally she looks up and groans when all eyes are on her

“Nooooo” she shakes her head “not again!”

“Ohhh yes again, Raven! You know that it’s tradition! Come on, it’s my birthday” Octavia flutters her eyelashes with a pout on her face

Raven rolls her eyes at her dramatic friend and reaches for the guitar “Fine” she grunts and everyone claps and woohs

When the brown eyed girl sings the first words of the song Clarke small smile turns into a big grin and she gets why they want Raven to start off with it

“ _Last night I told ya I loved ya, woke up blamed it on the wodka. I genuinely thought I was dyin’, and I could see that smile you were hiding. Last night I told ya I need ya, that’s the last time I drank tequila. Super lemon and his psychic sulking, I start cryn’ and verbally assaulting”_

by the third verse everyone is singing along

“ _last night I asked you to marry me, that’s when I remember the brandy. I wake up and claim I didn’t say it, screwed if I ever wake up in Vegas_ …”

The song definitely serves as a huge mood booster and kicks off an hour long singing session which ends with Jasper’s and Monty’s version of the “Bert and Ernie’s great adventures” theme song that has everyone laughing tears

_______________________________________________________________________________

When everyone filled up their cups they sit in a circle once again after Bellamy pulled a couple of cards and two dice from his pocket and announced that it’s “game time”

Since Clarke is the only one who hasn’t played this game before, Miller quickly explains that they take turns picking a card from the deck and then rolling both dice. The card tells you what you have to do and the dices tell you to/with whom - one dice determining whether to count from your left or your right side and the other one telling you the count (for example the 4th person to your left). There may be things that don’t involve the second person, though. The birthday girl draws the first card

“It says: _give this person a hickey_ ” she rolls both dice and laughs when the third person to her right turns out to be the shy Maya whose face turns dark red when the other girl sucks at her neck. When about half of the group is done with their first round, Anya is just wearing a bra - the top part of her catsuit hanging around her hips, Monroe has kissed Atom, Clarke took a body shot off of Monty, and Murphy is wearing one of Octavia’s sports bras over his pineapple costume. Lexa is next.

She nervously bites her lip while turning the card over and reads out loud “ _Straddle this person and sit on its lap for 5 minutes_ ” her tiny hands pick up the dice and shake them a few times before throwing them to the open space in the middle of the circle. 6th person to her left.  She is screwed.

Clarke notices that Lexa doesn’t even count as her eyes immediately shoot up to Clarke.” She counted before” the blonde realizes with surprise and gulps when she watches the other girl that is standing up and walking towards her. She doesn’t even have to look, she can feel the smirks on the other’s faces when Lexa clumsily climbs onto her lap and hesitates for a second before sitting down on her thighs, shaky hands holding on to her shoulders and her face next to Clarke’s, avoiding eye-contact. The blonde can feel the other girl’s breath on her ear. She shudders a little which causes Lexa’s body to tense around her thighs and Clarke mentally slaps herself for being so attracted to the brunette in this moment. “She is straight, she is straight” Clarke repeats in her head “do NOT fall for a straight girl. Not again…” Even though Lexa’s soft fingertips are burning through the thin fabric on her shoulders she tries to concentrate on the game. Miller is just done eating Jello-O out of Anya’s cleavage when Bellamy picks up the next card

“ _Kiss this person for at least 10 seconds_ ” he rolls the dice and counts 4 people to his left “princess!” he smirks “let’s do this”

It feels weird leaning over to kiss Bellamy while Lexa is sitting on her lap, but she doesn’t have a choice so she lets the older Blake close the distant and capture her lips. It starts out soft, but when Bellamy sucks in her bottom lip she can feel a sharp pain in her shoulder, Lexa’s nails digging into them. The blonde feels the urge to press her thighs together and it’s not because of the black-haired boy. Pretty sure that it hasn’t been 10 seconds yet, Clarke pulls back and turns her head away from him. When she looks back up she sees the cool-boy façade drop for a second when disappointment flickers over Bellamy’s face, however, moments later his cocky grin is back when he watches Jasper doing a body shot off of a very pissed pineapple. Lexa still has a firm grip on Clarke’s shoulders and the latter can’t handle the pain anymore. She slowly takes her hands of the floor and gently places them on the naked hips of the other girl who inhales sharply when she feels the fingers on her skin

“Relax” Clarke whispers into the brunette’s ear and listens as her breathing quickens but the grip on her shoulders loosens a little. She doesn’t know whether to feel disappointed or relieved when the 5 minutes are over and the belly dancer quickly stumbles away from her to sit down at her spot. It’s Raven’s turn to pick a card

“ _Spent 7 minutes in heaven with this person_ ” she reads with a seductive voice, wiggling her eyebrows while rolling the dice between her fingers before throwing them on the floor

“Haha sis, you’re up” Bellamy snorts when the second person to Raven’s right is the birthday girl herself “Have fun”

Accompanied by the Whoos and whistles of their friends the two girls head towards Octavia’s wardrobe without looking at each other and the sounds only die down a little when the door closes behind them, leaving them in complete darkness only a few inches away from each other

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, this is a bit of a mess again and there are probably lots of mistakes in there, but it's currently 3:30 in the morning and my brain can't really function right now ^^ 
> 
> are you interested in the Octavia/Raven scenes or do you just want to read about Clexa? let me know ;)


	7. The one with the country song that changes everything...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so exited right now I think I'm going to pee my pants :D Can't wait for season 3 to start today !! I have to wait till 4 in the morning for the episode to be online here and I'm pumped full of caffeine (which I probably won't even need to be wide-awake ^^)
> 
> Do you think I should change the rating to "mature" because of the first scene in this chapter ? I think it's still pretty innocent ...?!

 

Raven can feel Octavia’s breath on her face and it makes her shudder. Closing her eyes she clears her throat

“Uhm… do you want to sit down and just wait till it’s over?” she shuffles her feet a little and bites her lip

“No” the other girl whispers after a few seconds and Raven can feel how the puffs of breath on her face come quicker. She smells sweet. Like coke and caramel

“Do you want me to tell you a joke? I just heard this really good one about a goat and a sandwich…” she is glad that Octavia can’t see how she rolls her eyes at her own attempt to fill the awkward silence and feels the urge to bury her face in her palms. “Just SHUT UP Raven” she thinks to herself   

“No” her best friend breathes once more and before she can come up with the next dumb thing to say she is pushed against the underwear drawer by eager hands who don’t wait long to shoot up to her face. She feels fingers grabbing into her Leia buns and with a rough tuck their mouths clash. Letting out a little noise of surprise it takes her a few moments to realize that this is actually happening. Octavia is kissing her. No, she is not only kissing her, she is passionately devouring her.

The birthday girl’s tongue traces her bottom lip and she doesn’t hesitate to grant her access; their mingling tongues swallowing her moans when her hands come up to grab her friend’s hips. With a quick motion she pulls Octavia even closer so their bodies are completely flushed together, barely showing where one of them ends and the other begins. The kiss grows more intense and Raven’s heart is pounding in her chest. The sound she triggers when biting the other girl’s bottom lip almost makes her knees give up whereupon she breaks the kiss to catch some air and clear her head.

Apparently, Octavia doesn’t even think about taking a break since her mouth travels down Raven’s jaw with little kisses and bites, stopping at her ear. She licks the sensitive area under the other brunette’s ear before standing on her tippy toes and sucking at the earlobe.

Raven lets out a deep moan and is glad to hear the others singing and laughing outside because it was definitely louder than she intended. The moan causes Octavia to grind into her and Raven’s eyes roll back into her head for a second

“Oh my God” she whispers and slides her hands down from Octavia’s hips until they reach her thighs and she can just stroke her thumbs under the hem of her Pocahontas dress making the other girl shiver and her panting increase. Before she knows what she is doing, Raven shifts her weight and presses her right thigh between the trembling legs of her best friend.

Octavia inhales sharply and stops trailing kisses down Raven’s jaw, but just when the latter starts to worry that she went too far she buries her head into the Jedi’s neck and grinds down with a soft whine. Raven groans, leans against the drawer and starts pushing her thigh up in a slow rhythm which the birthday girl matches quickly. She can hear the others outside but she doesn’t care. All she can see and feel and smell is Octavia. Octavia who tugs her into another longing kiss while her fingernails dig into Raven’s shoulder and neck and her motions get sloppier. Raven can feel the heat in her own core and thinks she is about to combust any second, but this is not about her. Feeling the other girl’s wetness on her bare knee she tries to hold her upright, swallowing a loud groan with a deep kiss while Octavia’s hips twitch, her whole body begins to shudder and a soft “Raven” leaves her lips.

They both don’t move, Raven holding her best friend in her arms while they try to normalize their breathing again. Octavia keeps her face buried into Raven’s neck and the brown eyed girl wonders whether it’s the exhaustion or if she can’t look her in the eyes. She doesn’t have time to think about it since someone is banging against the door now, telling them that their seven minutes are up. While Octavia leaves the wardrobe, Raven takes a moment to take a deep breath and adjust her Leia hairstyle before following her friend. Is she still a friend after what happened, though?

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa wakes up with a heavy arm thrown over her stomach and strings of brown hair in her mouth. She grunts and tries to shift but Raven only huddles up closer against her and drools on her shoulder. Defeated, the green-eyed girl blows the hair out off her face and looks around the room. The girls all slept over at Octavia’s and Clarke’s last night; Raven, Lexa, and Monroe sharing the birthday girls’s bed, while the other three huddled up in Clarke’s bed.

Lexa can hear light snoring coming from the other side of her roommate so Monroe is apparently still asleep. She turns her head and blinks, frowning due to the light that shines through the window. There is only one girl left on the second bed. Anya is nowhere to be seen. Octavia, however, is standing at the wall next to the bathroom door in nothing but her usual (barely existing) sleep outfit and is busy hanging up Clarke’s paintings. Three of the five dreamworld scenarios have already been put on the wall with adhesive strips, and Octavia just attaches the forth one which is showing Monty and Jasper trapped in a giant snow globe. 

The brunette’s eyes dart back to the girl that is still sleeping on the other bed, tangled in a red sheet with slightly parted lips. Clarke lies on her side facing Lexa, one hand tugged under her head, the other lying on her naked thigh. She has streaks of black mascara under her eyes, remains of pink lipstick on her mouth, and oddly, the tiara is still on her head. Why can someone look like crap but still look this beautiful? Her eyes travel down the girl’s body and stop where the shirt had ridden up, revealing flawless white skin. Lexa can feel an awkward tug in her belly that transforms into a tingling storm when the blonde lets out a content sigh in her sleep. Just when she is about to shove Raven away so she can get out of there, Octavia stumbles against the armchair

“Ouch! Fuck!” she swears and this seems to wake up Clarke who begins to stir before finally sitting up. Lexa quickly closes her eyes and tries to slow down her breathing pretending to still be asleep

“Sorry” she can hear Octavia whisper and only hears the blonde grunt in response. The grunt is eventually followed by a hiss and when Lexa carefully opens one eye she can see Clarke with a pout on her face trying to untangle the tiara from her messy curls. She has to suppress a giggle and is relieved when the girl crawls out of bed and shuffles towards the bathroom, the tiara still hanging in her hair

As soon as the bathroom door closes behind the girl, Lexa lets out a fake yawn and slips out underneath her roommate

“Hey Lex, sleep well?” Octavia asks her with a smile

“Hmm” Lexa scratches her head and nods “I’m going to take s shower. See you later” she mumbles and waves at Octavia before grabbing her stuff and leaving the room

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Just spread the blankets out under the tree over there, I’m still too tired for direct sunlight” Octavia commands and puts down the bags she was carrying with a huff

Most of the gang have met up outside for lunch, happy to skip the repetitive academy food and to dig into O’s party leftovers instead.  After positioning the blankets, Bellamy and Lexa hand out some paper plates and cups while Octavia and Clarke array the tupper ware containers. Since they slept in and missed breakfast, Murphy’s stomach is growling loudly and Jasper is sneaking up to the food, apparently waiting for the signal to stuff himself

“Ok guys” Clarke says putting on her sunglasses “you can…” she doesn’t get to finish the sentence since her friends are storming towards the buffet like a cattle herd almost knocking her over in the process. She can see pieces of bread flying and notices that two of the containers are already empty so she quickly grabs her plate from the floor and giggles when she nudges Monty away from the pasta salad bowl

“Oh my god! It’s like watching Animal Planet!” Lexa hasn’t moved from her spot on the red woolen blanket and shakes her head, watching the spectacle with a smirk on her face. Once the others seem to be done stuffing their plates with as much food as possible, the brunette jumps to her feet and heads towards the leftovers. Well, the leftovers of the leftovers actually. It looks like an elephant herd got set loose in a grocery store. She sighs and picks up a slice of bread, two spoons full of fruit salad and something that looks like – she smells the mushy thing – yeah, one of Octavia’s puff pastry thingies. She is about to reach for a single potato chip that is left in a bag when she notices a big blue container. It’s empty but she can see tiny pieces of chocolate that stick to the walls.

She lets out a small whimper and her face drops. “Great” she thinks frustrated and turns around to get back to her spot on the blanket. Just when she sits down cross-legged and wonders how she is going to eat the fruit salad without a fork or spoon, a small hand with pink nails comes into view and places something on her almost empty plate. It’s an oreo ball. Her eyes shoot up expecting to meet blue ones, however, the blonde is already back on her own spot, using a potato chip to scoop up her pasta salad. Lexa bites her bottom lip and can’t suppress a smile when she reaches for the chocolaty cookie ball

 

 

Clarke pretends to be busy with her salad but can’t resist glancing at the brunette who looks at the oreo ball as if it were the most delicious thing ever. When lexa picks up the treat and shuts her eyes while her lips appreciatively close around it, her teeth cracking the chocolate coat, a shiver runs down the blonde’s spine and she turns around to lie down on her stomach.

Most of the others are already lying on the blankets with full bellies, some of them sighing in relief, others grunting because they ate to fast. Pushing her upper body up on her elbows, Clarke notices her roommate. Octavia lies flat on her back between Raven and Jasper and seems to be lost in her thoughts. Instead of joining in the conversations or at least contributing some of her usual cheeky comments, the brunette appears tense, furrowing her brows every now and then and clenching her fists. Clarke can almost see the little angel and devil sitting on her roommates shoulders while she seems to have an inner battle of some sort, the furrowed browns alternating with shy smiles.

The blonde’s eyes widen a little when she sees Octavia’s left hand slowly moving towards Raven’s right hand. The girl obviously holds her breath and Clarke’s heart melts when the hands of the two brunettes meet and Octavia lets out a puff of breath when she intertwines their fingers. Raven, who is in a vivid discussion with Miller, blinks for a moment before going on as if nothing happened. But Clarke feels the difference. She may only know them for two weeks but she knows this is not just a friend holding her best friends hand. With a knowing grin she turns around on her back and watches the clouds floating by.

 

 

Clarke must have dozed off because when she sits back up again most of her friends are already on their feet, Bellamy holding a soccer ball and Murphy marking out the playing field with some sticks he rams into the ground

“Come on Clarkey!” Raven hollers “You’re on my team”

The blonde sighs but grabs a hair tie to put her curls into a messy bun and stretches a little before moving towards the make-shift field

“Okay, Bell, Octavia, and Miller against Clarke, Murphy and I” the brown-eyed calls out before sticking out her tongue at the three remaining members of the group who haven’t moved from the blankets “ Since you don’t want to move you’re lazy asses you better cheer for us!”

15 minutes later Clarke tumbles to the ground in a giant ball of limbs after colliding with Bellamy who now lies there laughing his ass off with grass stains all over his clothes. After a moment of dizziness, she gets back to her feet and holds her left hand out towards the laughing boy, only to get tucked down again, landing on top of the older Blake

“Bellamy! That’s not funny” she grunts and tries to free herself from the strong arms that are wrapped around her middle. When she finally manages to stumble to her feet her blue eyes meet green ones.

 Lexa quickly averts her eyes as if she got caught starring and Clarke feels her stomach flutter. Since Raven and Murphy are busy taking a short cooling break, she takes her time taking in the girl on the red blanket. Lexa has her chin on her knees; legs tugged to her body and runs her fingers through the grass. She is wearing tight jeans and a dark green flannel over a white tank top; her brown curls are free from any braids. For a moment Clarke is hypnotized by the way the girl’s hair is blowing freely in the wind before she literally smacks herself on the cheek and turns her back on the blankets “Bad Clarke! Baaaad Clarke” she mutters to herself and is happy for the distraction when the game continues

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It’s 7 pm and Lexa is lying on her bed. Raven is still out and the only noise in the room comes from Lexa’s mp3 player. She snuggles deeper into her pillows and skips through the folders on her music player before stopping at the one she was looking for and contently relaxes and closes her eyes. Country music. It’s her go to music when she just wants to lay back and stop thinking for a while. If someone were to ask her she would deny it but she really loves it. However, this time it doesn’t seem to do the trick. Her body is relaxing but her mind is running a marathon. She can’t stop her thoughts from chaotically jumping around in her head, it almost feels like the jitters she gets before an exam. The Hunter Hayes song stops and rather slow one starts

_I've got a girl crush_  
_Hate to admit it but,_  
_I got a hard rush_  
_It's not slowing down_  
_I got it real bad_  
_I want everything she has_  
_That smile and that midnight laugh_  
_She's giving you now…_

Lexa opens her eyes. Her brain operates at full stretch. Maybe that’s it! That why she feels so weird and uncomfortable in Clarke’s presence, it’s simply a girl crush! “That’s normal” she nods to herself.  A lot of the girls she knows have some girl or female celebrity they are obsessed about and worship. She relaxes back into her pillows. Though, when the song is over, her heart is pounding in her chest and she hits the replay button

_I want to taste her lips_  
_Yeah, cuz they taste like you_

 

She doesn’t want to kiss her to be close to someone else

  
_I want to drown myself_  
_In a bottle of her perfume_

 

She loves the way Clarke smells…

Lexa jumps off her bed and stats pacing around the room

 

_I want her long blond hair_  
_I want her magic touch_  


She doesn’t want to have Clarke’s blonde hair, she just wants to bury her face in it. She doesn’t want her touch; she wants her to touch her

Her legs start to shake and she sits down on Ravens bed

 

_Yeah, cuz maybe then_

_You'd want me just as much_

 

Lexa lets out a shaky breath. It hits her like an avalanche: this is not a girl crush. It’s not jealousy. She doesn’t just admire her or wants to be LIKE her. She wants to be WITH her.

 

_I don't get no sleep_  
_I don't get no peace_  
  
_Thinking about her_  
_Under your bed sheets_

 

“Oh my God” Lexa’s palms start sweating uncontrollably when she pictures the blonde in her bed and her stomach turns

_Lord knows I've tried,_  
_I can't get her off my mind_

 

That’s it. Lexa Woods has a crush on Clarke Griffin. Lexa Woods who never really had a crush on anyone before.  Panic starts rising in the brunette’s body. She has no idea how to deal with it


	8. The one that feels like drowning

 

Clarke wakes up with a start. Suddenly ripped out off her dream she sits in her bed, panting and clenching her fists around the thin fabric of her deep blue covers. The loose shirt she was sleeping in sticks to her sweaty skin. It was just a dream. No. Not just a dream - a nightmare. The same nightmare that has been hunting her for month now and that always comes when she least expects it. Her mum is talking to her, but she can’t understand what she is saying. Her mouth moves in slow motion and her voice sounds muffled as if she were speaking from behind a window or door. The lips form the same sentence over and over again until she suddenly stops and just stares at Clarke.

And that’s always when it hits her. The cold. The cold that spreads through her body, starting at her toes, ending at her earlobes. Cold, cold, cold. And then she is drowning. Drowning in a sea of low-fat milk from which she can’t escape. She tries to scream but just swallows milk in the process and panics when it fills her lungs. She can’t breathe. She tries to reach out her arm and hold on to her mum but the woman is just standing there watching her drown. And then she dies. She dies and that’s the moment she wakes up and all the air violently gets pressed back into her lungs. It’s always the same.

Clarke closes her eyes and tries to normalize her breathing. Octavia still seems to be asleep on the other bed and she doesn’t want to alarm her roommate. She doesn’t want her to ask any questions, questions she is not ready to answer yet. The blonde grabs the music box from her nightstand and slowly slides her fingers along the delicate patters on the lid

__________________________________________________________________________________

At the same time a green-eyed girl wakes up in another room of the academy. She opens her eyes and the first thing she pictures is a set of blue eyes, blue eyes that are staring at her, blue eyes that can see right through her. Quickly, she closes her eyes, but they won’t disappear. She turns her head and screams into her pillow. “Just get out of my fucking head” she thinks before biting into the pillow and sitting up with a grunt. She shouldn’t think about Clarke. She can’t think about Clarke. It’s just a crush and she can’t allow it to become more than that.

“It’s weakness” she whispers the mantra that has accompanied her for most of her life “It’s weakness. Love is weakness” she nods her head affirmatively “Clarke is weakness”

 _Love is weakness._ It’s the first lesson she had learned from her mother when she was 4

 

_“Love is weakness Alexandria. You shouldn’t love anyone but yourself. It leaves you vulnerable and can destroy you”_

_“But you love me mummy?!”_

_“Yes. But I’m genetically programmed to do so. It’s not by choice”_

 

She can’t love. She can’t love Clarke. It’s not like Clarke would love her back anyway

______________________________________________________________________________________

When Mr. Jefferson closes the door and English class is starting, Clarke stares at the empty chair next to hers. Lexa didn’t come. The brunette doesn’t appear to her like someone who would skip class for no reason which makes her worry more than she would admit.

Surprisingly, Clarke notices that the lack of the other girl makes it harder for her to concentrate on the class discussion. While her strawberry shampoo, her tiny hands on the table, and the sharp jawline she can see out of the corner of her eye should be the worst distraction, her not being there is even more distracting for the blonde. While the others are talking about the concept of intermediality, Clarke’s thoughts wander off to O’s party and the belly dancer straddling her lap and breathing into her ear...

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Hurrying towards the history class after spending the 15 minute break waiting in line in the girl’s bathroom, Clarke is relieved to see some of her classmates standing in front of the classroom. However, she furrows her brows when she comes closer and sees some of them leave instead of walking in and stops next to Harper who is apparently reading something that is hanging on the door

“Hey Harper, what’s going on?”

“Hey Clarke“ the other girl gives her a smile and points towards the note “class is canceled for today. Looks like Mrs. Potts is sick or something”

“Great! Well, not great for Mrs. Potts but great for us I guess” Clarke shrugs and Harper nods

“Yes, definitely great for us! I didn’t get to stop for coffee this morning and I don’t think I could handle her without caffeine right now” she mimics Clarke’s grin and gestures towards the door “Do you maybe want to spend the free period together? We could hang out outside and do our homework or something?”

“Sure! Let’s head to the vending machine first though, I need some sugar”

Ten minutes later, the two girls who didn’t get to talk outside of class before they settle down at one of the big wooden tables in the courtyard and Clarke takes out her sketchbook

“I don’t have any homework so far, but I can just draw if you want to start with yours?”

“Nuh, not really in the mood for cell division and photosynthesis right now. Can I see your sketches?”

“Go ahead. Some of them are not finished yet, though”

They skim through Clarke’s drawings of the academy, her friends, and some abstract objects until Harper bursts out laughing and stops at one page

“oh my god, is that Mrs. Potts?”

Clarke stuffs a handful of m&m’s into her mouth and chuckles at Harpers reaction

“That’s awesome! You should draw the rest of our teachers and make a comic book out of it or something”

The two girls spend the rest of the free period inventing superhero characters that would fit their teachers and Clarke is actually considering doing a comic book about them. Octavia and Raven would certainly love it

_________________________________________________________________________________

It’s 10:30 am when Raven enters the girl’s bathroom on the first floor and stops dead in her tracks when she sees her best friend washing her hands in one of the sinks. When Octavia turns off the tab their eyes meet in the mirror and she can see the girl inhale sharply. Sucking in her bottom lip, Raven looks at the other two girls that at standing in front of the mirrors applying their lipstick and decides to just do what she came here to do. She steps into one of the cubicles and sighs when she finally gets to empty her bladder. She hears the bathroom door open and close again and the voices of the chatting girls disappear.

She can only hear the water bubbling through the old pipes now. Opening the door she expects the room to be empty which causes her to jump when Octavia is standing there, leaning against the sink, watching her with an intense look in her eyes. Raven gulps and moves to wash her hands at the sink next to her, staring at her hands, avoiding the others girl’s gaze. The smell of the apple soap spreads out in the small room and mixes with Octavia’s coconut conditioner. It makes her nostrils flutter and her head feel dizzy. She can almost taste the tension in the air and a shudder runs down her spine. She can’t handle this any longer. With a quick motion she steps to the left and Octavia’s body is trapped between hers and the sink.

The girl lets out a tiny squeak and Raven lets her eyes linger at her collarbone for a moment before she slowly lifts her head until their eyes meet. Her best friend is looking at her with slightly parted lips and flushed cheeks. Her chest raises and falls in a fast rhythm. Her tongue darts out and licks over her mouth and that’s all it takes for the brown-eyed girl to close the gap between them and capture those pink lips. Octavia sighs into the kiss and trembling hands position themselves on Raven’s hips. The kiss is slow and gentle, nothing like the passionate kiss they shared in the wardrobe two days ago. Stroking her thumb along the other girl’s jawline, Raven feels her stomach doing somersaults and has to restrain herself from changing the angle and deepening the kiss. A minute in, she reluctantly pulls away and rests their foreheads together

“O, we have to talk about this” she whispers not moving from this position

“I know” Octavia takes a shaky breath and opens her eyes “Meet me after dinner at our spot?”

A small smile appears on Raven’s face and she nods “After dinner” she gives her best friends a peck on the cheek before turning around and leaving the bathroom

_________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke’s stomach is rumbling loudly when she enters the dining hall for lunch. The blonde groans when she sees the ridiculously long line and drags her feet to the end grabbing a tray on her way. Standing on her tip toes to read today’s menu board she spots Octavia and Jasper walking towards a table with their already loaded trays and sit down next to Raven and Anya. She meets her roommate’s gaze from across the room and chuckles when the other girl beams at her showing her perfect white teeth. Motioning to Clarke to join them once she got her food, the brunette digs into her pasta and immediately starts a lively conversation with Anya who doesn’t seem to be too happy about the other girl’s habit of talking with food in her mouth.  Clarke gives her a thumbs up and sighs when she notices that there are still about 9 feet between her and the burger she has an eye on.  Maybe she should go with Octavia’s trick (that didn’t work) and name the burger to build a connection and no one else will steal it before she gets to the front of the line.

She looks back to her friends’ table and a wave of surprise washes through her when a certain green-eyed girl takes a seat next to Jasper. “She doesn’t look sick” Clarke thinks with a frown and absent-mindedly nibbles on her lower lip when she watches Lexa take an apple out of her bag and bite into it. Clarke’s eyes widen when the juice of the fruit runs down the girl’s chin and she mentally slaps herself when her tongue automatically darts out as if it wanted to catch the drop of juice before she can wipe it off. Lexa laughs at something Jasper says and Clarke is pretty sure that the sound of the butterflies going nuts in her stomach drown out the noise of her rumbling stomach. “I’m sooo screwed!” the blonde haired girl grunts to herself and is relieved to see that she is next in line.

After finally (!!) having a bacon cheeseburger, a diet coke, and a blueberry muffin on her tray she maneuvers herself through a group of chatting girls and walks towards their usual table. She is only 3 tables away when something makes her stop. A death-glare. That’s the only matching description for what she is seeing right now. Green eyes are looking at her with hate. With hate and disgust and Clarke’s body gets cold before it turns numb and she doesn’t remember how to move or breathe. Lexa always shyly averted her gaze whenever their eyes have met in the last two weeks. This time however, she doesn’t look away. She doesn’t blink. She doesn’t flinch. She just stares at Clarke and the blonde feels the butterflies in her stomach turn to ice before they shatter into millions of pieces. It’s all in her eyes. Clarke knows what it means. _Fuck off_. When her body finally remembers how to move again, the blonde quickly spins on her heel and rushes towards the next exit. She can feel Lexa’s piercing eyes burning holes into the back of her head and she just wants to get out of there.

She is on the second floor when she notices that she left the dining hall with the tray, but she doesn’t care. She finds a secluded corner and slides her back down the wall until she sits on the ground.

“What happened? Why is she back to hating me again? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?” a tiny sob leaves her throat but she can’t allow herself to cry. Not over a girl. A girl that never really liked her in the first place.

She jumps a little when her phone announces an incoming text message 

_“Where the heck did you disappear to? I thought you were having lunch with us?”_

She doesn’t answer. She can’t deal with Octavia now. She bites into her cheeseburger but it doesn’t taste like anything

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Raven walks around the west wing of the academy building with her hands in her pockets and isn’t surprised to find her best friend already sitting at their spot under the old willow tree. Octavia raises her head when she spots Raven’s shadow on the grass and stands up with a nervous smile on her face. She brushes the dirt off her skinny jeans and leans against the tree, waiting for the other brunette to break the silence. She doesn’t.

“Raven Reyes is speechless. That’s a first” Octavia says with an awkward laugh when she can’t handle the silence any longer

Raven just watches her for a moment, her head tilted to the right, a slight crease between her eyes. She takes a couple of deep breath and tries to organize her thoughts

“I don’t want to kiss you in wardrobes or bathrooms anymore” she says quietly

“Oh…” all the color leaves Octavia’s face and her shoulders drop

“No” Raven shakes her head, desperately trying to find the right words “I’m not saying that I don’t want to kiss you anymore. I just…I just don’t want to do it behind closed doors” her gaze drops to the other girl’s shoes when she whispers “I don’t want to be your secret that you treat differently when our friends are around”

“Oh!” Octavia repeats, but this time with widened eyes and a raising heartbeat. She takes a small step towards her best friend and takes her hand “That’s not what I want either”

Ravens eyes shoot up and her stomach flutters when she sees the smile on Octavia’s face – Octavia, who now squeezes her hand and takes another step towards her “I really like you Raven. I don’t even know when it happened. But you’re still my best friend and this is so confusing for me right now. I don’t want to screw things up and lose you…” her voice cracks at the last few words

Raven closes the distance and wraps her arms around the other girl, hugging her close “You won’t ever lose me. You hear me? I’m not going anywhere” she presses a kiss into the brown hair

“I don’t want you to be my secret. I don’t want US to be a secret. But maybe you can give me a few days to get used to it before we tell anyone?”

Raven steps back and looks into teary eyes “Ok” she nods and is rewarded with the most beautiful smile

_________________________________________________________________________________

Lexa is lying on her bed going through her last Spanish worksheet. She hates these exercises where she has to fill in the gaps, in this case choose between “ser” and “estar”. Double checking her answer one last time she puts her homework on her nightstand and pulls out her MP3 player from underneath a stack of magazines. She presses the play button before she got to put her headphones on and makes herself more comfortable first. When she slides them on though, she curses herself for not checking which song was next in her playlist

 _“The trouble with girls is they're so dang pretty_  
_Everything about ’em does something to me_  
_But I guess that’s the way it’s supposed to be…“_

For the second time this day she feels the urge to bite into her pillow. Instead, she lets out a loud grunt and smashes the player against the wall next to the door. Of course, this has to be the exact moment Raven decides to walk in. Sounding like a squeaky toy, the brown-eyed girl jumps back a little before walking into the room with her hands held up next to her head. She looks at her roommate with wide eyes

“JESUS!!” Do I have to call the people in the white gowns? WHAT THE HECK, LEXA??!!”

“This song sucks” Lexa shrugs; her face filled with anger

“Ooookay, remind me to never piss you off” Raven shakes her head at her lunatic of a friend and grabs her sushi pajamas, disappearing into the bathroom

Lexa tugs the covers over her head and decides to never get out of there again. Ever

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry :D but don't worry, there will be some good Clexa stuff in chapter 10 ;)
> 
>  
> 
> the scene with Harper seems pointless, but I need it for everything to make sense later on ...
> 
>  
> 
> leave me some comments if you like it or even if you don't like it !


	9. The one in which the forest is not a forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, I'm even worse at writing poetry than I'm at writing in general so please don't laugh ^^ 
> 
> this is more like a transition chapter, but there is going to be some Clexa action in the next one ;)

Clarke is digging through her drawer looking for a new shirt to sleep in when the door bursts open and Octavia’s eyes search the room before they land on her

“Clarke!! Where the heck did you disappear to at lunch? One second you were there and the next you were gone!”

“Yeah sorry…I had to go” the blonde mutters while holding up a grey shirt that has " _Don’t make me get my flying monkeys"_ written on it. She throws the shirt on her bed and looks up to meet the confused eyes of her roommate

“What do you mean you had to go? You were standing in line and then Poof!” the girl holds her hands in the air doing some dramatic jazz finger movements “you vanished! “

“Well… I was surfing the crimson wave” Clarke blurts out the first excuse she can think of and gives the brunette an apologetic look

“Did you just quote _Clueless_?”

Clarke shrugs and pulls the grey shirt over her head before slipping out of her jeans

“Ok fair enough. I’ll forgive you this time” she winks and kicks her shoes off “and now get over here because thanks to you I really want to watch Clueless” she flops onto her bed and scoots over to make some room for the blonde

Clarke isn’t in the mood for a movie. She isn’t in the mood to laugh and listening to Octavia rambling about her day. She just wants to sleep. But she has the feeling that her roommate won’t take no for an answer and she doesn’t have enough energy to fight this brunette ball of enthusiasm. She puts her shorts on and grabs her fluffy bed socks before joining Octavia under her red covers

________________________________________________________________________________

A week goes by and Clarke thinks she manages everything pretty well under the circumstances. Her friends don’t seem to notice that she is excusing herself after a few minutes when a certain brunette is among them or that she is having lunch with Harper on those days on which she can feel the presence of the green-eyed girl in the dining hall. But she can’t always avoid seeing Lexa. Clarke spends this week with a constant tension inside of her, prepared to duck her head any moment to avoid to accidentally meet the other girl’s gaze while walking through the halls.  By Thursday she thinks she will get a hunchback from keeping her head down all day. But she has to get through this. She can’t look up. She can’t face Lexa. Not until she is sure that she would be able to hold her gaze and don’t feel anything.

In English class Lexa was not missing again. When Clarke enters the room, the brunette sits in her usual spot and stares at her notepad. She doesn’t have a choice. She walks past Lexa to the left side of the class and reluctantly sits down next to Travis aka slimy dude she really didn’t want to sit next to on her first day. She gives the boy a polite smile and almost throws up in her mouth when he wiggles his eyebrows and grins at her, showing the remains of his breakfast in his teeth. Yuck.

When she gets her German test back on Friday her first thought is to tell her mum. Her grandfather was German and he used to read her German books and teach her German songs when she was little. She loved it and her mum used it as a secret language when Clarke’s friends where around and she wanted to tell her daughter something without telling the other kids too. It was their thing. Clarke and her dad had lots of things, but with her mum it was German. But she can’t tell her now. She can’t tell her that she got an A. Even though she pretends to talk to her on the phone when Octavia asks, she actually hasn’t talked to her since she left. She is not ready.

While she spent her evenings with Octavia, she spent the weekend with Harper and her roommate Luna. Since Harper still seems to be pretty excited about the idea of creating a comic staring their teachers, the three girls sit outside for hours laughing and creating storylines while Clarke does the artwork. The blonde really enjoys the company of Harper and Luna but she can’t keep her heart from aching a little when Octavia tells her about the fun they had at their hiking trip and about everything that she missed.

_________________________________________________________________________________

It’s Tuesday and Clarke sits in art class with Octavia and Raven. Like with most assignments, Mr. Clemmons gave them so far, this week’s assignment again gives them a lot of artistic freedom : _draw what occupies your mind at the moment_. It doesn’t have to be literal. They can just choose to express their emotions with different colors or use symbols. For the first 25 minutes of class Clarke stares at a blank sheet of paper. What occupies her mind? Her mind has been a chaotic mess for month now and this mess only keeps growing. How can she draw it? Her mind spins so fast sometimes she can’t make out where one thing ends and the next one starts.

 She has to start somewhere so she finally grabs a paintbrush and dips it into the black paint. She draws the outline of a human head. Once she is done she switches to crayons and fills the lower third of the head with an ocean. Dark blue waves that bank up. Picking up a white crayon she draws a tiny container of milk on the bottom of the ocean; a syringe is stuck into the container, making the milk leak into the water. Now focusing on the middle part of the head she draws a rainbow. A rainbow with a big pot at the end, but instead of with gold it is filled with faces. The happy faces of Octavia, Raven, Bellamy, Harper, Monty, and Jasper. Blowing a strand of hair out of her face she looks at the upper part of the head for a moment before her hand wraps around a brown crayon, only to be exchanged for a green one after a while. “It’s just a forest” she tells herself while writing her initials in the corner of the sheet. But it’s not and she knows it. Forrest is not the word she was thinking about.

Too absorbed in the assignment, Clarke doesn’t pay attention to her classmates. She doesn’t look up from her sheet to see the pinkies of two brunettes that cling to each other under the cover of the big wooden table for the entire 90 minutes.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Walking out of art class together, the three girls make a quick stop in the girl’s bathroom to get rid of the paint on their hands before heading towards the vending machine. Raven smashes her fist against the machine to free the mars bar that is stuck when Clarke looks up to see Lexa walk in their direction. She is just about to panic and look for an excuse to leave when a man in a suit passes them and to the blonde’s surprise stops in front of the girl who stops in her tracks standing almost next to their group. Octavia nudges Raven and both of their eyes widen.

The man stiffly gives Lexa a short nod “Alexandria”

“Sir” Lexa’s face is free of emotions when she answer with a clear voice

“I’m glad to hear your grades are excellent”

“Yes. Thank you Sir”  

“We should make an appointment to talk about your future the next time I’m in the States”

“Of course Sir”

The man once again gives Lexa a short nod before walking past her down the hallway. The girl takes a second to compose herself and then walks in the opposite direction ignoring the blonde and the other two brunettes.

“Ok. Can someone please tell me what I just witnessed? Who was the guy with the stick up his ass? “ Clarke takes her water bottle out of her bag and takes a sip while expectantly looking at her friends

“Well…THAT was Mr. Woods” Raven reveals and pretends to gag

“WHAT? Mr. Woods? As in Lexa Woods? As in Lexa’s dad?” the blonde’s jaw almost hits the ground. She is shocked when Octavia gives her a sad nod.

“Lexa doesn’t really get to see her parents. She basically grew up with her grandmother while they went from one business trip to another. When she was 8 her grandmother passed away and she has been in boarding schools since. They send postcards every few months, but I think she had not seen her dad in 1,5 years” Octavia sighs

“But how about summer break? What about Christmas?”

“At Christmas she either stays here like Bellamy and I, or she spends it with Raven’s family in Florida”

The bell that announces the beginning of the next class interrupts them so the girls quickly head off to their classrooms. Sitting in biology Clarke can’t concentrate on the film about insects and their lifecycle. She looks at the screen, but she sees green expressionless eyes. Eyes that are dead because someone sucked all the light out of them. She doesn’t want to think about it. She doesn’t want to feel anything. But she can’t help it. She is hurting. Hurting for a girl who hates her. Feeling the pain that the other girl seemed to have locked away for self-protection.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

When she takes her seat in English class again she feels exhausted. She had been up all night to finish her homework since she totally forgot about the assignments Mr. Jefferson gave them the last time. Octavia was keeping her company until midnight, coming up with ideas for the creative part of the homework, but eventually fell asleep next to Clarke, curled up in a ball.

She mentally gives herself a fist bump when the seat next to her stays empty and Travis doesn’t turn up. After collecting their essays, Mr. Jefferson shows them a power point presentation on the history and concept of songwriting which almost makes Clarke fall asleep. With 30 Minutes of class left the teacher finally addresses the second part of the homework

“Ok guys. I hope you all got a little creative over the last couple of days! As you hopefully remember, the assignment was to write a few verses. They can be lyrics, can be a poem, or could be used as both. Since we don’t have enough time left to hear all of your masterpieces, I’ll randomly pick 3 of you from the list”

He closes his eyes and points to the list of names with a pen “Ok first up is Jenn” he points again “then Drew” he points to the sheet for the last time “aaaand last but not least, Lexa”

Clarke is suddenly wide awake when she hears the last name and her eyes land on the brunette instead of Jenn who is making her way up to the front to present her work. She has seen lots of different emotions when it comes to Lexa, but she has never seen the girl like this. She looks desperate and in panic. Her hands have a strong grip on the edge of the table turning her knuckles white. Her breath seems to quicken and her face turns slightly red.

Something about the thought of presenting her work to the class makes her look as if she is about to faint and Clarke can’t handle it. When Jenn is done with her lyrics (or poem, Clarke really didn’t pay attention), the blonde excuses herself to the bathroom and hurries down the hall. She comes to a stop in front of a wall and glances around to make sure the hall is empty. Without giving it a further thought, she grabs the little red handle in front of her and pulls it down. Immediately, a loud siren sound shrills from the speakers on the ceiling and Clarke quickly makes her way down the stairs.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Lexa is leaning against the cool brick wall of the east wing of the academy and tries to catch her breath. She was about to have a nervous breakdown when the fire alarm saved her. She doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry about it, what she sure as hell knows is that she will write another poem in case Mr. Jefferson wants to pick up where they left next time. She doesn’t know how she could have been that stupid in the first place. Mr. Jefferson never had them read any of their homework in front of everyone, he always collected it.

Lexa rips the page with her homework out of her notepad and quietly reads it out loud

 

_You princess with your eyes so blue_

_I looked at them and then I knew_

_I never meant to fall for you_

_You princess with your golden hair_

_I never thought that I would care_

_Can’t look at you, can’t keep to stare_

_You princess who could never like_

_Someone who doesn’t shine as bright_

_Those feeling thus I shouldn’t keep_

_Cause love is only for the weak_

She folds the piece of paper and then squeezes it in her fist until it becomes a tight ball, but decides that it’s not enough. She tears the ball into tiny pieces and swears to never be so stupid again. Ever


	10. The one that really sucks for Clarke

It’s Friday and Clarke reluctantly takes a seat next to Miller in the dining hall. She tries to avoid sitting at the same table as Lexa as often as possible, but Octavia insisted that she has to join them today. She has spent her lunch break with Harper for the better part of the week and understands why O is grumpy about it.

Opening her soda can and putting a white and red striped straw inside the blonde tries to concentrate on Raven, Miller, and Bellamy’s discussion on autonomous cars, ignoring the brunette that is sitting at the other end of the table, as well as the feeling said girl is causing in her stomach. Judging from the French fry that hits Bellamy in the face, he and Raven are not on the same page on this subject. While Miller tries to prevent a food fight, Clarke looks up from her fettuccine with spinach and spots Monty and Octavia who are making their way towards the table

“We're back, bitches!” her roommate shouts out. She ruffles Clarke’s hair affectionately before walking round the table and taking a seat next to Raven. “Hey you” she nudges the brown-eyed girl whose eyes widen when the nudge is followed by a quick peck on the mouth. The silence that follows is only disturbed by the sound of Bellamy’s fork that hits the ground

“Whoopsi” Octavia’s face is flushed red when she gives Raven an apologetic look and sinks down in her seat. Raven seems to wake up from her state of shock and glances at the wide eyes of her friends before her hand confidently slides into the other brunette’s

“OH MY GOD! Wait, is that really happening?” Monty excitedly bounces in his seat and Raven’s face starts to match the color of Octavia’s

“Uhhm…” the latter stutters

“I knew it” Clarke smirks while Jasper starts to make kissy faces

“Wait…what…how…when??? Clarke, you knew? How did I…I mean…what??” Bellamy looks from one girl to another and scratches his head in confusion

“Calm down, Bell” Octavia pleads “It’s…new. And we haven’t figured it out yet. So please don’t make a big deal out of it” her voice cracks a little at the last words and Raven runs her index finger over her wrist, gently drawing circles

“Fine” the older Blake shrugs and his sister seems to relax a little

Even though the majority of the group is still shocked they try to make it less awkward for the two brunettes by changing the subject. Clarke finishes her pasta and when she looks up her eyes meet her roommate’s. The girl seems to search the blue eyes for some kind of reaction to what she just witnessed so Clarke gives her an assuring thumps up, followed by at big smile and a wink.

When Octavia shyly averts her gaze with a small grin on her face, the blonde makes the mistake to let her eyes wander along the table. Blue meets green and Clarke can’t stop a shiver from running down her spine. Lexa only looks at her for a split second, but it hits her like a wrecking ball and that’s her cue to get the hell out of there

 _____________________________________________________________________________________

PE sucked. They had to run laps and Clarke hates it. She hates running in circles with no actual destination. She wants to do something that distracts her rather than leave her with nothing but her thoughts.

When she enters the locker room the other girls have already left. She stayed behind to help Mrs. Cooper getting a trampoline and some other stuff out of the equipment room for the 14 year olds that are going to storm the gym in an hour. Grumpy and sweaty she drags her feet to her locker and grabs her water bottle. The cold liquid runs down her throat and she can’t wait to take a shower. Kicking her white sneakers off, she crosses her arms and starts tugging her red sports shirt over her head. Only to get stuck midway with the shirt covering her face and her arms next to her head. She pulls harder and notices that it must be stuck on the clasp of her bra. She tries to put her arms back down, but the shirt is too tight. Clarke grunts and lets out an annoyed whine.

Her breathing starts to quicken and panic rises in the blonde. The fabric of the shirt presses against her face and she feels claustrophobic. She pulls, and pulls and new streams of sweat run down her forehead. Clarke desperately tries to free herself when a loud sob leaves her throat. She already starts feeling dizzy when she is startled by a quiet voice

“Clarke, breathe” It’s barely a whisper and the blonde can feel someone stepping closer to her. She is panting heavily now and the thought of Lexa seeing her in this situation doesn’t help to calm her down. She tries to pull one more time, but the shirt won’t come off

“Clarke” the brunette’s voice is soft and calm “let me help you”

Clarke stands still for a second, but the fingers on her bare back make her jump a little. Lexa seems to hesitate, but soon starts to move again and her slim fingers quickly but gently free the blonde’s shirt from the bra clasp. She didn’t notice that she has been holding her breath until Clarke frees herself with a sob and turns around to face Lexa; the red shirt pressed against her chest. The brunette lets out a puff of air and her gaze locks with the blue eyes that are staring at her. Clarke is still panting a little; her cheeks are red and her hair is a mess. Ignoring the fireworks in her stomach, Lexa takes a step back and turns around towards the door. She almost reaches it, but is interrupted by a loud “STOP” that makes her gulp. She slowly turns back around and is now facing a very angry Clarke

“What’s your problem?” the blonde snarls through gritted teeth “Huh? Tell me, Lexa! What the fuck did I ever do to you” she takes a few steps forward and Lexa can almost see smoke coming out of her ears

“I…” the brunette stutters and steps backwards with shaky legs

“WHAT?” Clarke’s eyes start to tear up while she clenches her fists “Please! Just tell me! I NEVER was anything but nice to you. What did I do? What am I missing?”

Lexa’s heart is beating so fast she can hear her own pulse. She takes another step and her back hits the wall with a thud. In panic, she watches the blonde approach until the girl stops, their faces so close she can feel the angry puffs of breath on her skin. Lexa holds her gaze and opens her mouth, only to close it again. The blonde’s jaw tightens and the green-eyed girl can’t stop herself from letting out a tiny whimper. There is silence in the locker room apart from their loud breathing. Something shifts. The anger in Clarke’s eyes turns into sadness and it almost breaks Lexa’s heart when she lets out another sob

“Please” it’s only a weak whisper now “Why do you hate me so much?” A single tear rolls down her cheek and Lexa exhales before she raises her left arm and gently wipes the tear off the girl’s face

“I can’t…I can’t tell you” the brunette whispers and slides her back along the wall until she is out of Clarke’s space. She runs out of the locker room and leaves a blonde mess behind

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke enters her dorm room and finds Octavia sitting on her bed, painting her toenails in a burgundy color. The brunette’s hair is in a high ponytail and she is wearing flannel pajamas. Little balls of toilet paper stick between her toes

“Hey roomy “she greets in her usual good mood “woah, wait! Clarke you look like shit” she chuckles “what happened to you”

Clarke grunts and flops into the arm chair “well, PE sucked and I almost died in the locker room, my fucking shirt suffocating me” she sinks deeper into the chair and shifts a little so her legs are hanging over the armrest “I just want to sleep, wake me up on Monday”

Octavia snorts and puts the bottle of nail polish on her nightstand “Maybe you should head to your bed then. A whole weekend in this chair and you feel worst than before. Trust me”

“Caaaan’t. It’s too far” she lifts her left arm pretending to reach for the bed before dramatically letting it fall in her lap again. Octavia shakes her head and gets off her bed, carefully lifting her toes up from the ground so she won’t smudge the fresh coat of polish she walks towards Clarke looking like a penguin. The blonde looks up at her with a pout on her face and Octavia sighs “Come on, Clarkey-Poo”. With a quick motion, she scoops the girl up bridal style and carries her towards her bed “gosh, you’re heavy!”

They both fall onto the bed and Clarke drops a kiss on her roommate’s cheek “ Love you, Tavia”

“Yeah, Yeah” the brunette makes her way back to her own bed “Oh before I forget! Clarke, we’re having a girls Disney movie night tomorrow! It’s tradition, we’ve been doing this around the same time of the year since we met”

“And who is “we”?” Clarke asks while tugging her covers all the way up to her chin

“Raven, Lex, and I. Well, and now you can join of course!”

“Uhm…sorry I can’t. I…I already got plans with Harper tomorrow. We’re planning on working on a project for biology and then having a sleep over” she tries hard to look upset and hopes that Octavia won’t notice that she made the whole thing up

“Bummer. I can ask the others if we can postpone it to next weekend if you want to?”

“No no, it’s fine! I’m not in the mood for Disney anyway”

 __________________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke slept like a dead person and it’s already 11am when she wakes up on Saturday. She must have kicked one of her socks off in her sleep since her left foot is icecold right now. She tugs her knee to her chest and starts rubbing her foot until it doesn’t feel like it’s about to fall off anymore. Rolling over, she reaches for her phone and notices that she has 2 missed calls from her mum. The name on her phone immediately makes her feel nauseous. Ignoring the calls she almost puts her phone away when she remembers that she has to text Harper. “Please don’t have any plans for tonight” she mutters to herself and anxiously waits for an answer.

Fortunately, the other girl quickly responds and Clarke is relieved to read that she is more than welcome to spend the night at Harper’s and Luna’s room as long as she brings snacks. After a long shower, the blonde decides to already start packing her stuff for the sleepover. Harper aspects her to come at around 5, but she has no idea when O’s movie night is going to start and if it’s actually a movie “night” or rather starts in the afternoon and she really doesn’t want to be here when Raven and she-who-must-not-be-named arrive.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

**Lexa T-Rexa** : Hey O, I don’t think I’m going to make it to Disney night

**Octavia:** Noooooo! You have to come!

**Lexa T-Rexa:** I really have tons of homework

**Octavia** : Please Lex! You have to come! Otherwise it’ll be only Raven and I and I don’t know if I’m ready for this whole sleep over date thingy …Pretty please *sad emoji*

**Lexa T-Rexa:** What about Clarke?

**Octavia** : she is staying at Harper’s . Come on, we need you *heart-eyes emoji* You can pick the movies!

**Lexa T-Rexa:** Fine…

**Octavia:** Yeay !! Love ya

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Octavia opens the door at 5:30 and is surprised to only find Raven on the other side

“Hey” she shyly smiles at her girlfriend and steps from one foot to another, not sure about how to greet her

“Hey you” the brown-eyed girl confidently steps forward and puts her arms around Octavia’s waist, keeping her from nervously moving around. Relaxing a little she nuzzles Ravens neck and lets out a tiny sigh

“Where is Lex?” she grabs Raven’s hand and pulls her into the room, closing the door behind them

“She’ll be here in 20 minutes. She wanted to take a shower” they both sit down on O’s bed “do you…do you want to talk about yesterday? About what happened at lunch? Are you ok with what happened?...I mean”

Octavia quickly cuts in “Raven, I kissed you. I’m the one who outed this…us…to our friends. I didn’t mean for it to happen so soon, but I’m ok with it. Are you ok with it?”

“Do you really have to asks?” she leans over and gently presses her lips to Octavia’s

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke spends most of the day in the library/common room getting bored out of her mind. After finishing her homework, braiding her hair, and sketching a little she runs out of things to do and almost loses her last shred of sanity reading a book on Peruvian alpaca breeders she found in the shelf next to the couch she is sitting on. Her mum calls a few times until she puts it on vibrate and waits till it goes to voicemail. With a bag in her hand and a pillow tugged under her arm she enters Harper room at 4:45 and is relieved that the other girl seems more than excited about the sleepover. They play scrabble and monopoly until their stomachs rumble and end up on Harper’s bed, eating sandwiches and watching Netflix

“Why aren’t you with Octavia and your friends tonight? Don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad you’re here, but aren’t they having a girl’s night or something?”

“Yeah..or something” Clarke turn her head to look at the other girl “Let’s just say not everyone wants me to be there…”

“Are you ok with that? Are you ok?” Harper asks quietly and Clarke can see the concern in her eyes

“Yeah…I’m fine” she shrugs and they focus back on the laptop screen

 

3 hours and endless buzzing of her phone later she finally decides to listen to her mum’s voicemail and excuses herself to the hall. When she reenters the room her face is white as a sheet and her whole body is trembling

“Oh my god, Clarke!? Are you alright? What happened?” Harper jumps to her feet when she sees the state her friend is in after just a few minutes in the hall and gently guides her towards the bed “Clarke?”

“I’m fine…I’m fine…It’s just my mum. We don’t …we don’t really talk” the blonde lies down on her side and tugs her knees to her chest, hugging her fluffy pillow and trying to control her breathing

“Are you sure? We can just sleep if you want to. It’s ok” She strokes her fingers over the blond curls of her friend “Can I do anything to help you”

Clarke closes her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. She turns her face towards Harper when she reopens them and wipes a few tears off her cheek “Can you get me something from my room?”

__________________________________________________________________________________

The 3 girls are singing along to “Friend like me” from _Aladdin_ with chocolate in their faces and popcorn in their hair when a knock on the door interrupts them and Octavia pauses the movie. The two other brunettes are craning their necks to see who it is and are as surprised as Octavia when Harper is standing in front of her wearing bugs bunny pj’s

“Uhmm, hi” she waves shyly, a little intimidated by the 3 girls that are staring at her “sorry to interrupt, but Clarke asked me to get something for her”

“Oh, sure! Sorry, come on in” Octavia takes a step back and motions to Harper to follow her “Is she ok? What does she need? Maybe I can help you”

“Uhm, no thanks. I already see it” she quickly walks towards Clarke’s nightstand and grabs the music box. Worry flashes over Octavia’s face when she sees the object Harper came to get  “are you sure she’s ok? Do you need me to come with you?”

“No it’s fine. She’s almost asleep anyway” she glances at Lexa and Raven who still haven’t said anything and leaves a room with a smile and a quick “bye”

 __________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke falls asleep to the sound of “castle on a cloud” with her head resting on Harper’s shoulder and she doesn’t notice her phone buzzing again before it goes to voicemail

_“Hi Clarke! Sorry to call so late, I didn’t forget I just had this long day at this country club meeting with my dad’s clients. So basically I spent my Saturday kissing some asses. You’re probably out somewhere with your new friends celebrating and getting hammered. Can you get hammered at boarding school? Well anyway, call me tomorrow I’ll be in the area next weekend and I thought maybe I can swing by? Call me, Griffin! And Happy Birthday!...*beep*”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG what do you guys think about yesterday's episode ?? I waited till 4 in the morning again to watch the episode as soon as it was online and it was soooo worth it ♥ it took me like 2 hours to calm down and finally get to sleep ^^ 
> 
> again, I'm sorry for all the mistakes ! 
> 
> leave me a comment :)


	11. The one in which Lexa wants to be a marmot...

Raven is woken up by something pricking the skin between her breasts and a weight on her shoulder. She opens her eyes squinting at the light and frees her left hand from underneath the covers to reach into her shirt. The brunette pulls a sticky piece of popcorn out of her bra. She eyes it for a second before she shrugs and stuffs it into her mouth. “Breakfast? Check!” she thinks. She almost falls back to sleep when she remembers, that there is a second thing that interrupted her slumber. Long brown hair is covering her right arm, a pretty heavy head lies on her shoulder, and she can feel steady puffs of breath on her neck. The warm streams of air on her skin make her shudder and she is torn between wanting to just stay like this and enjoy the proximity of her girlfriend and wanting to move to watch her sleep. Carefully sliding out from underneath the other girl she decides to go for the latter. Turning to lie on her stomach she pushes herself up and rests her weight on her elbows.

Octavia’s hair is messy. Her lips are slightly parted and her shirt has ridden up, exposing her toned stomach. Raven’s tongue automatically darts out to lick her lips. “She is perfect” the brown-eyed girl thinks and her heart flutters when Octavia lets out a content sigh. She doesn’t even notice that her hand had moved to the smooth skin of her stomach until Octavia moves into her touch and her eyes lazily start to open

“Hey” she yaws and smiles at her girlfriend

“Good morning” Raven can’t keep her voice from shaking a little since her fingertips still stroke over warm skin

“Where is Lex?”

Raven is confused for a second before she remembers their Disney night and the third girl that had been on this bed with them when they fell asleep last night. She hadn’t even noticed that she wasn’t there anymore.  She really can’t notice anything besides the girl that is lying very close to her right now. She just shrugs and concentrates on her fingers again that are currently drawing circles around Octavia’s belly button. She doesn’t look up so she can’t see the look in her girlfriend’s eyes that would have prepared her for what happens next.

Raven shrieks in surprise when she is thrown on her back with a quick motion and Octavia is straddling her before she even knows what’s happening.

Raven giggles but is silenced by the predatory look in Octavia’s eyes. Octavia nibbles at her own bottom lip before she rolls her hip forward, earning a gasp from the girl underneath her.  She didn’t plan this. Only yesterday Octavia has told Lexa that she wasn’t ready for a sleep over with Raven, but she just couldn’t resist when she woke up to these soft fingers on her stomach and the adoration in Raven’s eyes. Which is why she now rolls her hips again before leaning over and capturing soft pink lips.

She kisses Raven until both girls are breathless and she abandons her lips to drop kisses down her neck. Alternating between nipping at her skin and open mouthed kisses, she leaves a trail of marks on the tanned skin, making Raven pant and shudder. Slowly going lower she lets her hands wander down her girlfriend’s body from her shoulders to her hips, gently pinching and scratching until her mouth stops at her collar bone and her hands at the waistband of her pj’s. While she gently sucks at the collar bone, she runs her fingers just underneath the waistband, evoking a loud moan from Raven that goes straight to her own core

“Oohh God, O!”

The girl is now breathing heavily underneath her and when Octavia looks up she can see clenched fists and closed eyes. She slowly crawls up again until her face hovers over Raven’s and waits for the other girl to open her eyes. When the other brunette’s eyes flutter open she gives her a teasing kiss and dips her fingers just a tiny but further underneath her pants

“Can I?” she asks with a shy whisper

Raven stares at her with parted lips and blown pupils and closes her fists around the covers when she gives her a quick nod.

She is nervous. She has never done this before. But it’s Raven and somehow this makes it less frightening and weird. She slides her hand into her girlfriend’s underwear and can’t suppress a moan when her fingers meet very wet folds. Raven inhales sharply and quickly becomes putty under Octavia’s hands, her moans matching the rhythm of the slow circles on her clit. Octavia intensifies the speed and pressure when Raven’s hips start to jolt up from the mattress, desperate for more friction. Judging by her slightly shaking thighs and her louder moans, Raven is close. Octavia pulls Ravens head up into a searing kiss and pinches her clit, driving her girlfriend over the edge while she moans into her mouth

“Oh my god…” Raven’s body keeps shaking for a few seconds.

Slowing down her movements to help her down from her high, she finally pulls her hand out of Raven’s pants and watches her with a smirk

“Fuck” the brown-eyed girl mutters, her eyes still closed

Octavia can’t help but snort a little. She snuggles into the other girl’s side and drops a kiss on her cheek before lying her head on her shoulder

“Was that ok?”

“Oh THAT was more than just ok” Raven bites her lip and opens her eyes to look down at Octavia “We definitely should do THAT more often” she wiggles her eyebrows and Octavia blushes, hiding her face

“Do you think Clarke is ok?” she blurts out after a minute of silence

“You’re seriously thinking about Clarke right now?” Raven perks up one eyebrow

“No…yes...I mean, something is wrong with her. I’m worried”

“You’re her roommate, you know her better. You should just talk to her. And that is why I’m going to my room now. I need a shower and you need some privacy to talk when she comes back” Raven sits up and gives her pouting girlfriend another gently kiss before she jumps off the bed and starts collecting her stuff

_______________________________________________________________________________________

The next week passes in a flurry of classes and Clarke tries to concentrate on her schoolwork to keep her mind from other things. Mostly green-eyed things. She only feels a little bit guilty for skipping English class on Monday, but she just can’t survive Lexa’s death glare after this sucky weekend. What she feels a little guiltier about is lying to Octavia when she asked if she was ok. She knows that her roommate doesn’t buy it, but she just can’t talk about it. If she talks about it she is probably going to break down and cry and Octavia would worry even more. She would worry and confront Lexa and Clarke can’t let that happen. Not only would Lexa hate her even more, but she would know that Clarke cares. No, not just cares. Hurts.

So Clarke lies. She lies and occupies herself with homework. She doesn’t call her mum back. She is not ready yet. But she calls Wells back on Tuesday and he actually manages to make her feel better. He talks about the obnoxious snobs he has to deal with when he helps his dad at work and changes his voice when he copies them. And Clarke actually forgets about everything else for a few minutes and just laughs with her best friend.  She can’t wait to see him again.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

It’s Saturday morning and Lexa is sitting on a bench in front of the little pharmacy in town. She bought what she came here for an hour ago, but she just can’t seem to make herself move and go back. She realized it in the past few days. She probably knew sooner, but she just wouldn’t admit it to herself. She just couldn’t admit that this whole let’s-forget-about-Clarke-thing isn’t going to work. But now it’s clear and she doesn’t know what to do.

It almost broke her seeing Clarke hurting in the locker room. And it almost broke her all over again when the one time their eyes met this week the blonde looked defeated and sad. Like someone snuffed out the light that was shining in those ocean blue eyes. She broke a little when she realized that she might be the one responsible for this. But she can’t be this affected by Lexa’s behavior, can she? Why does she even care? She doesn’t need Lexa to be nice to her, she has enough people that are. But she wants to be nice to Clarke. Oh how much she wants to be nice to Clarke, but she can’t deal with being close to her without really being close. She couldn’t handle just being friends.

Lexa hasn’t realized that tears are streaming down her cheeks and is startled for a second when she sees wet stains on her sweater. She touches her cheeks and lets out a small sob only to be startled again a moment later

“Are you ok there?” a boy sits down next to her and watches her with a worried expression on his face. Lexa just manages a nod, however, another louder sob leaves her throat at the same time

“You sure? I’m a good listener you know” he reaches inside his backpack and hands her a package of tissues

She thankfully accepts it and wipes her cheeks, though, the tears keep flowing “I don’t even know you”

“That’s kind of the point. You know, it’s easier to talk to a complete stranger sometimes. I know nothing about you so I’m unbiased and you can just let everything out without seeing me ever again” he shrugs and she watches him out of the corner of her eye. He doesn’t seem like a creep. And Lexa has never seen him before so he is definitely not from the academy.

“It’s kind of a hopeless story, I don’t think you can help me with that” she sniffs and reaches for another tissue

“Try me”

Lexa takes a deep breath and tries to find words. She doesn’t know where to start. It’s all a big mess. She decides to just start with the mere facts

“I like someone. Like I have never liked anyone before. But this person would never like me back, not like I want them to” she exhales and feels relief flush over her. It’s the first time she said it out loud.

“What makes you so sure that person doesn’t feel the same way? Is this person in a relationship with someone else?”

“No. Not that I know of…but…she is perfect and I’m not” her heart stops for a second when she notices that she actually said “she” this time and she quickly turns her head to watch the boy’s reaction. There isn’t any.

“Without wanting to sound creepy, you’re a crying mess right now and you still look beautiful. I doubt that anyone would think differently” he gives her an assuring smile and silently hands her another package of tissues

“Thanks but I’m no match to her. It’s not just her looks. I mean yes her hair is a perfect stream of golden sunshine and her eyes have the most amazing shade of blue I have ever seen. But it’s not just that. She is fun. She is cute and popular and everyone likes her … and I’m none of these things…” her voice is almost a whisper but her tears seem to slow down a little. Well, she most likely doesn’t have any tears left at that point anyway

“I think you’re selling yourself short. And no you might not be blonde and have blue eyes, but you’re gorgeous. And if anyone had that sparkle in their eyes when talking about me I’d definitely want to know about their feelings. Are you sure that she doesn’t feel the same way? How does she act when you’re around?”

Lexa looks away when an image of Clarke’s sad eyes flashes through her mind. She nervously tugs at the hem of her sweater and glances towards the boy again “I don’t really give her the chance to react. I’ve been avoiding her…well, and maybe I wasn’t that nice to her lately. I…I tried to hold myself at a distance, but she was just everywhere. So I think I just started being rude and now she is avoiding me too. It looks as if it’s physically hurting her whenever our eyes meet. I did that to her…”

The boy seems to think about that for a minute before he answers “hmm, so you pushed her away because you thought you would eventually get rid of your feelings for her, but did you ever consider that she is hurting because she cares?”

She can’t answer. She doesn’t know what to say. It’s not like she never went there before _What if Clarke actually cares? What if she likes her?_ but it’s different hearing it from someone else. A glimmer of hope starts to spark in her heart and it scares her shitless. The sound of an incoming text message rips her out of her thoughts and she sees the boy grabbing a phone out of his back

“Sorry, I’ve got to go. But you should just go for it. I’m not saying go and confess your feelings right away, but you could maybe start with being nice to her and see how it goes. “ he throws his backpack over his shoulder and stands up “Don’t waste too much time standing on the edge of the cliff being miserable until it’s too late to remember how to jump” and with that he is gone

_____________________________________________________________________________________

After her confession to the stranger Lexa is not quite ready yet to go back to the academy. She walks through the mostly empty streets for hours and only heads back when her rumbling stomach announces that it’s time for lunch.  She walks around the west wing of the building and spots Octavia and Raven standing at the side entrance of the dining hall. They wave when they see her coming towards them and she quickly looks at her reflection in her phone making sure that she got rid of any evidence of her breakdown. She reaches her two friends, but before they can say anything, they get interrupted by the sound of a familiar laugh that makes them all turn around. Lexa knows that laugh. She loves that laugh. But she hasn’t heard it in a while.

Clarke comes into view and Lexa gasps when she sees why the blonde was laughing.

It’s him.

It’s the boy.

The boy she confessed everything to. He is laughing too, walking arm in arm with Clarke.  They almost reached the three girls now and Lexa feels the urge to dug a hole like a marmot and just hide until it’s over. But it’s too late. They come to a stop in front of them and that’s when he notices her. To Lexa’s surprise his eyes widen as much as hers. She hopes that he can read the silent message in her eyes to not tell anything

“Hey Clarkey” Octavia smiles at the blonde “who’s your friend?”

Clarke seems a little nervous. No she seems uncomfortable and Lexa has a feeling that her presence might be the reason “This is my best friend Wells. Wells, this is Octavia, my roommate and her girlfriend Raven” she pauses and shoots a glance at the third brunette “and Lexa”

“Best friend? We’re deeply hurt, princess!” Raven pouts but quickly moves on to grin at Wells and shake his hand

They keep taking while making their way into the dining hall and Lexa slowly follows them, keeping her distance. Does he know? Does he know that she was talking about Clarke? He probably didn’t know before, but according to the look on his face he knew the second they met for the second time this day. She wants to run. She wants to skip lunch and just hide in her room until Easter. But she can’t. She has to sit with them. She has to be there to make sure he doesn’t say anything.

He doesn’t say a word about Lexa’s breakdown. He just sits there with their group making jokes with Bellamy and Miller as if it had never happened. She slowly starts to relax a little. She can’t be sure that he won’t tell Clarke once they are alone, but she doesn’t think he will. She somehow trusted him earlier and she thinks she can trust him now. She seems to be a good guy. Lexa can’t stop herself from feeling jealous, though.

Clarke has dark circles under her eyes and she looks tired and not as cheerful as she used to, but Lexa notices the sparks in her blue eyes come back to life a little in the presence of the boy. She hates it but she loves it.

______________________________________________________________________________________

It’s dark outside when Lexa walks down the steps in front of the main entrance. She quickly closes the zipper on her coat but still shivers a little. The nights are starting to get really cold and the frost-covered grass crunches a little under her feet when she walks around the building towards the east wing entrance. She could have walked through the endless halls and staircases, but she needed some air. She rubs her hands together to warm them when she sees someone walking towards her. It’s only when the person walks underneath a light post that she notices that it’s Clarke. The blonde seem to be looking at her phone and hasn’t noticed Lexa yet. The brunette is just about to mentally prepare herself to say “hi”, just a simple “hi”, when Clarke looks up and stops dead in her tracks. Lexa nervously keeps walking, however, the other girl moves to leaves her path on the grass and avoids her by walking on the cobblestones instead. Clarke walks past her and Lexa knows it’s all her fault, but she can’t help her heart from breaking a little more anyway. She just starts to walk faster when she is startled by a high shriek and just turns around fast enough to see the blonde’s head hit the hard ground

“CLARKE!!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of Lexa's side this time ;) 
> 
> still not sure if I should change the rating ?? 
> 
> sorry again for all the mistakes, English is not my first language 
> 
> leave me a comment :)


	12. The one at the hospital

CLARKE!!!

Lexa runs towards the blonde and quickly kneels down next to her head “Clarke!! Clarke, please wake up” a loud sob leaves her throat when the girl doesn’t respond and her blue eyes stay closed. She puts her shaky hands on Clarke’s shoulders and carefully tries to bring her back to consciousness “please” big tears are streaming down her cheeks now “I’m sorry, Clarke…please wake up”. The brunette’s eyes widen in shock when she removes her hands from the girl’s shoulder and the finger tips of her right hand are covered in a red liquid. She jumps to her feet in panic and frantically starts to look for help, but she can’t see anyone. Her trembling hands reach into the pocket of her coat and she pulls out her phone. Like on autopilot, she calls the number they were told to call in case of an emergency

“Ground”

“Mrs. Ground there…” she sobs into her phone and barely gets the words out “there has been an accident” her knees give out and she sinks on the ground “I need, I need an ambulance”

“Ok calm down, everything’s gonna be fine. Where are you? Where do you need the ambulance?”

“East…close to the East wing entrance” she reaches for Clarke’s hand “please, she is not waking up”

“Ok hang in there”

Lexa drops her phone and tightens her grip on Clarke’s lifeless hand. She carefully places her other hand on the girl’s chest, making sure that she is still breathing. The pool of blood under Clarke’s head is slowly getting bigger, tinting the blonde curls and making Lexa’s stomach turn.

It’s only been minutes when loud sirens announce the arrival of the ambulance but for Lexa it feels like ages. The paramedics by her sight are now quickly assessing Clarke’s injuries without moving her too much. Lexa can’t move. She can’t leave Clarke. She can’t let go of her hand. She sees the paramedics getting a stretcher and they talk to Lexa, probably telling her to let go of the girl’s hand and step back. But she doesn’t hear them. She only sees there mouth moving and it’s like looking through milk glass.

She gets pulled back into reality when someone grabs her arm and tears her away. She stumbles back and panics when they lift the stretcher into the ambulance and Clarke is out of sight. However, one of the paramedics motions to her to get in and Lexa doesn’t hesitate before she climbs into the ambulance just in time for the doors to close behind her.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Octavia rushes through the doors of the hospital with Roma in tow in nervously steps from one foot to another when they come to a stop at the end of the line in front of the reception. They don’t know what happened. They only were told that Clarke had an accident and they should come since her mum isn’t here. Octavia can feel her eyes tear up again, but then her gaze falls on a familiar figure

“Lexa?” with a few steps she reaches the girl that is sitting on a plastic chair in the hallway staring at the wall in front of her. Her body is rocking back and forth, her face is pale, and her hand is clutching a blue glove. “Lex, talk to me! What happened? Where is Clarke?”

The girl whimpers at that name and Octavia fears the worst when Lexa finally speaks up “I couldn’t help her…I couldn’t do anything…the ice, I think she slipped” tears are leaving the green eyes again “I think she is in surgery or something”

A flush of relief rushes through Octavia’s body _“not dead, not dead, not dead”_ she repeats in her head and pulls the shaking girl into a hug

“I’m gonna see if I can get some information, just sit tight” Roma pats Lexa’s shoulder and walks back over to the reception

“Her head, O…there was so much blood. What if she…”

“She is going to be fine, Lex. Clarke’s a fighter. She will be fine…” Octavia pulls Lexa onto her lap and let’s her burry her head into her shoulder. She has never seen the girl so scared before. They sit there for a while and Lexa’s sobs slowly faint away, but her tears are still continuing to drench the other brunette’s shirt and her hand won’t loosen the grip on the glove. Octavia recognizes the glove. She was there when Clarke bought them at a little boutique in town a few weeks ago.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Lexa is still trembling when Roma comes back from the reception. Apparently, Clarke suffered a rather big head wound from the impact. The doctors stopped the bleeding and stitched her up but the blonde yet has to wake up.

After another hour of waiting in which Lexa alternates between pacing up and down the hall and sitting in the plastic chair curled up into Octavia’s arms, the nurse finally approaches them and lets them know that Clarke is in a room now.

Reaching room 134, Octavia immediately rushes in to stand besides Clarke’s bed. The room is rather small and has only the single bed and a dresser in it; a door in the back is leading to a bathroom. Lexa takes a few tentative steps towards the bed, scared of what she might feel when she sees the unconscious girl.

Octavia looks up and watches her friend for a moment. Lexa is pale. Paler than Octavia has ever seen her before. Her eyes are red and puffy and her hair sticks to her forehead. Octavia’s eyes fall to Lexa’s hands and when the green-eyed girl follows her gaze, a high whine breaks the silence. Lexa storms into the bathroom and quickly turns on the tabs of the little sink. She forgot about Clarke’s blood. She was like in trance for the last hours and didn’t even look at her hands. But now she sees the blood and she panics. She frantically scrubs her hand to get every last drop of red off and she can’t stop. After a minute of scrubbing she feels someone standing behind her and Octavia’s hand reaches past her to turn off the water.

Two arms wrap around her waist and Lexa lets herself lean into her friend’s body, letting out a loud sob.

“It’s going to be ok, Lex. Come on” she takes Lexa’s hand and leads her towards Clarke’s bed; pushing her in the chair next to the blonde’s left side.

Clarke looks peaceful. There is a big white bandage covering her forehead and the upper part of the back of her head, but otherwise, she looks as if she were sleeping. Lexa slowly takes her shaking hand out of her lap and gently takes Clarke’s hand. It’s warm. Lexa expected it to be cold and lifeless. But it’s warm. It’s alive. The heart monitor beeps evenly and Clarke’s chest rises in a calm rhythm. Reassured by the monitor, Lexa relaxes a little and drops her head onto the bed next to their entwined hands. She doesn’t even pay attention to Octavia, and she doesn’t listen to their conversation when Roma walks in. All she wants is hold on to Clarke.

____________________________________________________________________________________

It’s been three days. Three days and Clarke is still unconscious. Three days and Lexa still refuses to leave her side. She’s starting to look like a zombie and at least one of the nurses is afraid of her and her glare whenever they check on Clarke.

Octavia and Raven are there three or four times a day and try to make Lexa eat something or get a shower, but the brunette won’t leave Clarke’s side. Short bathroom breaks is all she can take without starting to panic.

The doctors have told them that it’s normal with head trauma and that she will wake up eventually, but Lexa is still afraid. She is afraid to lose Clarke even though she never really had her in the first place. And it’s her fault. It’s her fault that she didn’t even have her as a friend.

Clarke’s mum is in Asia for an important surgery and can’t come, but Wells comes back on Tuesday. He pulls a chair next to the right side of the bed since Lexa is stilled glued to the left and she only listens with one ear when he talks to Raven and Octavia. It’s only when he pulls a present wrapped in bright blue paper out of his backpack that she looks up

“The only good thing about this is that I can give her this after I totally forgot about it on Saturday”  he puts the present on the little nightstand and rearranges the little bow on top

“What is it?” Raven asks and curiously eyes the blue rectangle

“Oh, it’s her birthday present. It’s just a book about this warrior princess she loved when we were kids”

“Wait. How long have you two not seen each other before she came to the academy?” Octavia furrows her brows

“I’ve seen her the day before she left, why?” Wells looks confused and Lexa feels her stomach drop, realizing what this means

“When was her birthday?” Octavia’s voice is only a whisper now

“Ten days ago” he looks from one girl to another “she hasn’t told you, has she?” Raven and Octavia shake their heads, but Lexa can just sit there while her eyes start to tear up. Wells lets out a sigh “I was afraid that something like this might have happened. She was different on Saturday. Still the constantly smiling Clarke I know, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. She didn’t really want to talk about it, but I guess she didn’t tell you about her birthday because she didn’t want you to change your plans or feel pressured to throw her a party or something”

They all remain silent for a minute until Lexa catches their attention. After being glued to Clarke’s side for the last three days, she drops the blonde’s hand and stands up from her chair, taking a few steps back.

“Lex?” Raven walks towards her roommate but the girl lifts her hands in the space between them to stop her and takes another step back, her legs shaking now

“It’s … it’s my fault…it’s because of…it’s my fault” she sobs and runs out the door

___________________________________________________________________________________ 

“O, just let her go” Raven grabs her girlfriend’s arm and stops her from running after Lexa “Just give her some space”

“What’s going on with her, Raven? I’ve never seen her like that. I’ve never seen her as much as talk to Clarke, so why is she so upset? Why does she think that it’s her fault?” Octavia slumps into the now empty chair and wipes a few tears off her cheeks

“I’m not sure, but…” she fiddles with the hem of her sweater “I think maybe…maybe it has something to do with Riley…”

“Who is Riley?” Octavia and Wells asks at the same time

“Riley was her little cousin. She died when Lexa was 7 and she was there when it happened. She slipped and fell into a pool and Lexa tried to get help. Riley went into a coma and died a week later…” Raven sighs and her eyes lock with her girlfriend’s

“But it wasn’t her fault?!”

“No it wasn’t, but you know Lexa. She things she should have saved her somehow. I think that’s why she is so scared for Clarke, because she was with her when it happened…”

Wells listens to the girls and really wants to say anything. Sure, Lexa’s reaction can partly be caused by the memories of her cousin’s death and the resemblance to Clarke’s accident, but Wells knows that Lexa is in love with Clarke. However, he can’t share this with Raven and Octavia.

“Are you sure that I shouldn’t go after her?”

“Go after whom?”

Three heads spin around and a pair of blue eyes stares back at them

“CLARKE!!”

____________________________________________________________________________________

After aimlessly wandering around the hospital for two hours Lexa can’t stand it anymore. She has to go back. She knows that she hurt Clarke, and she knows that it’s probably her fault that Clarke spent her birthday without her friends but she just can’t stay away. She can’t stand the idea that something might happen while she’s gone and that she won’t be able to say goodbye.

She heads back to Clarke’s room and almost steps through the door when she hears it. Something she was afraid she would never hear again. Clarke. Clarke talking, Clarke laughing. Clarke.

She takes a step back and presses her back against the wall. She can hear her talking to the nurse and Wells. She laughs about Raven’s joke. She is ok. She is alive. She is happy. Suddenly, it feels wrong being there. She doesn’t feel like she belongs there. She isn’t friends with Clarke, she is the reason Clarke probably went through hell. With one last glance towards the door she turns around and walks away.

____________________________________________________________________________________

“We’re soooo glad you’re ok Clarkey!!” Octavia hugs the blonde for the hundreds time

“Yeah, no shit. We spent so much time here, I thought we would have to move in” Raven stands up and grabs a bottle of water from the windowsill and suddenly spins around “Oh my god! Time! Here! Shit, I have to text Lexa and tell her that Clarke is awake!” she quickly pulls her phone out of her jeans’ pocket

“Why? I’m pretty sure she is already booking the bouncy castle and the big band for my funeral” Clarke huffs but gets irritated by the wide eyes of her friends

“Uhm, Clarke, Lexa had basically chained herself to this chair for the last three days”

“WHAT?” the blonde shakes her head in disbelief

“She only let go of your hand to pee every few hours. She was terrified” Octavia assured her while Raven sends a quick text to Lexa

 

( **Raven** : Hey Lex, you should come back. Clarke is awake!)

 

“You’re kidding, right? Why would she do that? She hates me!”

 

( **Lexa** : I know. I’m busy…)

 

“She doesn’t hate you! You should have seen her, she was so worried I’ve never seen her like this! Something similar happened to her cousin and she died, so I think she was really afraid to lose you too” Octavia explains but is confused when she sees the frown on her girlfriend’s face who is staring at her phone “What is it, Raven? Did you text her?”

“Yeah…she is not coming”

“Told you so. She hates me! This probably just reminded her of her cousin’s death, she doesn’t care about me” Clarke can’t contain the anger in her voice

“But Clarke, I’m sure…” Clarke interrupts her roommate “Just drop it, O! It’s not like I care…”

They change the topic and the doctor walks in a few minutes later, telling Clarke that she can go home tomorrow.

_________________________________________________________________________________

 **Raven** : You spent 3 days by her side and now that she is awake you’re busy? What the fuck, Lexa?

 **Lexa** : Clarke doesn’t want me to be there, trust me. I’m the last person she wants to see right now

 **Raven** : I don’t get it? Clarke thinks you hate her? You obviously don’t so why do you make her believe that you do?

 **Raven** : Lex, answer me!

 **Raven** : Alexandria Woods! 

__________________________________________________________________________________  
Raven and Octavia spend the night at the hospital with Clarke. The nurses wanted to kick them out but they insisted to stay so they squeezed a folding bed into the room for the two brunettes to share. After the doctor checks Clarke’s wound for the last time and tells her that she is good to go, they start packing Clarke’s stuff. While Raven heads to the cafeteria to steal a few of the muffins, Octavia shoves everything in Clarke’s backpack. The blonde slowly makes her way to the nurses’ station to sign herself out and is ready to leave when one of the nurses calls her name

“Ms Griffin! “ Clarke turns around and sees the nurse walking towards her with something in her hand “Here, I almost forgot about this. The girl that was always by your side, she told me to give that to you when you’re leaving” she hands her a white envelope with “F _or Clarke”_ written on it and heads back to her station.

Clarke doesn’t move and just stares at the envelope. _What is that? What does Lexa want? Is that some sort of threatening note, telling her to better stay away?_

She takes a deep breath and opens it. Inside is a folded piece of paper. There is something written on top in a very neat and delicate handwriting

_“This is why. I’m sorry. I won’t bother you anymore.”_

 

She frowns but her heart starts beating faster when she unfolds the paper with shaky hands

 

_English Class Assignment: Write a poem or lyrics_

_Teacher: Mr. Jefferson_

_Student: Alexandria Woods_

 

_  
_You princess with your eyes so blue__

_I looked at them and then I knew_

_I never meant to fall for you_

_You princess with your golden hair_

_I never thought that I would care_

_Can’t look at you, can’t keep to stare_

_You princess who could never like_

_Someone who doesn’t shine as bright_

_Those feeling thus I shouldn’t keep_

_Cause love is only for the weak_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wanted Clarke to read my shitty poem so here it is ^^ 
> 
> Leave me a comment :)


	13. The one in which Lexa ruins her apple pie

On the car ride back to the academy Clarke doesn’t really listen to what Octavia and Raven are talking about. She thinks it’s something about a winter ball or party, but she doesn’t care. All the blonde can think about is the piece of paper in the inside pocket of her coat. It’s just a piece of paper, yet it changes everything.

 _I never meant to fall for you_ the sentence haunts her thoughts and makes her heart beat faster. …” _fall for you”_ … Lexa never meant to fall for you…Lexa never meant to fall for Clarke. Lexa fell for Clarke. “Lexa fell for me” she whispers to herself and shakes her head since she just can’t believe it. How is that even possible?

Clarke jumps a little in her seat when someone opens the door next to her. She hasn’t even noticed that the car had already come to a stop in front of the main entrance of the academy.

“Come on, princess. Let’s go home” Raven winks and holds her hand out to help the blonde get out of the car

The chilly November air makes Clarke shiver and she quickly follows her friends up the stairs. While Raven takes off to take a shower, Octavia insists on unpacking Clarke’s backpack. The doctors told them that the blonde needs to take it easy for the next couple of days and not to overstrain herself and she is only allowed back in class on Monday.

Clarke lies down on her bed and watches the brunette weirdo running around in their dorm room, collecting everything Clarke might need to feel comfortable. Soon she has two extra pillows and a huge woolen blanket on her bed and the nightstand is cluttered with all sorts of things from magazines, to gummi bears, and ibuprofen.

“Do you need anything else? What about tea? Do you drink tea? I’ve never seen you drink tea, but maybe you should…”

“I’m fine, O!” Clarke stops her roommate mid sentence “thank you, but I’m not a big fan of tea. I’m just going to lie here for a bit, ok? I’ll tell you if I need anything, I promise”

“Ok…I’ll start with my history homework then. Maybe you should try and sleep a little” she places a bottle of water next to Clarke’s bed and the blonde grabs her hand and thanks her with a peck on the palm

“Love you, Tavia”

“Love you too,  Clarkey. I’m glad you’re ok” Octavia gives her a bright smile and walks over to her desk where she starts with her homework

Clarke tries to relax. She really tries. But as soon as she closes her eyes she hears the lines of the poem. The poem she only came across a couple of hours ago but she could already recite in her sleep. The poem that made the mess inside her head explode and collapse into a big pile of emotions she now has to find her way out of.

She lies there for half an hour before she realizes that she has to do something. She can’t stay in limbo for any longer, she has questions and she needs answers. Now.

She swings her legs out of her bed and quickly grabs something from her wardrobe before she heads towards the door “I’ll be right back, O”

“Do you want me to come with you? You shouldn’t walk around by yourself” Octavia gets out of her chair but Clarke shakes her head

“There’s something I have to do on my own. I promise I’ll be fine” the blonde sees how her roommate reluctantly sits back down before she slips out of the room

___________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke slowly approaches the dorm room on the second floor and can hear someone arguing inside. Or rather one person yelling at another person who doesn’t give an answer

“What the hell is wrong with you??!! You’re one of my best friends Lex, and you know I love you to bits but Clarke is my friend too now! Why would you cry next to her bed for days and then pretend to not give a fuck? “

Clarke flinches a little when she listens to Raven’s outburst and takes a deep breath before she knocks on the door. The door flies open and the blonde faces a furious brunette with a red face whose eyes widen when she sees who is standing there

“Oh, hi Clarke” Raven shoots a glance over her shoulder “Are you ok? Do you need anything?”

Clarke bites her bottom lip and puts her hands into the front pockets of her jeans to stop them from sweating and shaking “yeah, uhmm… do you mind leaving for a while? I need to…I…you can stay in my room”

“Uhm suuuure” she drags out the last word and shoots another nervous glance over her shoulder before she grabs her keys and pushes past the blonde that is still standing in front of the door, not ready to step into the threshold yet

Clarke closes her eyes for a moment, trying to normalize her breathing before she slowly walks forward. She only looks up after she closed the door behind her. Lexa is sitting on her bed with her feet on the floor, her legs trembling a little. She is wearing jeans and an oversized hoodie while her brown curls are tied up in a messy bun. She looks terrified.

The blonde walks over to Raven’s bed and sits down so she is facing the other girl; never taking her eyes off her in the process. Clarke just watches her for a few minutes. She looks into the green eyes and she can see so much in them. The death glare is gone. There is no hate left. Was it ever hate though? The desperation is still there. But there is something more. Something soft and affectionate. Octavia would call it _heart eyes_.

Taking a shaky breath, Clarke finally pulls the folded piece of paper out of her pocket and Lexa lets out a tiny whine.

“You don’t hate me?” it’s barely a whisper but Clarke knows that the brunette can hear her. Lexa shakes her head and the blond can see the tears filling her eyes, threatening to fall any moment

“Then why? Why did you treat me like this? …Is it so awful to like me?” she digs her fingernail into Raven’s superman sheets and watches as the other girl shakes her head again, the tears now streaming freely down her cheeks. Clarke can’t hold back her own tears now “You really hurt me you know”

“I know…” and the blonde can see that Lexa knows. She can see that she know because she has been hurting just as much. The brunette is a sobbing mess now and Clarke can’t think straight. She needs to get out of there. She doesn’t want to leave. She wants to stay and just hold the other girl as tight as she can. But she can’t. Not yet.

She gets up and walks towards the door but stops with her hand on the doorknob “Why… why didn’t you just tell me? If you like me then why…?”

“Because…you’re so” she motions towards Clarke and looks at her with an expression that makes the blonde’s heart flutter “you’re so …and I’m not” Lexa drops her head and closes her eyes while her sobs transform into hiccups

”Yes you are” and with that Clarke is gone

____________________________________________________________________________

Clarkes makes a stop at the girl’s bathroom on the third floor before she heads back to her room. She has to get rid of the streaks of black eyeliner on her cheeks before she can face Raven and Octavia. She couldn’t forgive Lexa. Not yet. She knows what she feels for the girl. She knew the moment she looked into those green eyes for the first time, even though she didn’t admit it back then. It’s her eyes, her lips, her hair. It’s her tiny smile and the way her eyes light up when she sees an Oreo. It’s the way she clumsily stumbles around in the gym and the way her fingernails dug into Clarke’s shoulder at Octavia’s party. It’s the little frown she gets on her forehead when she concentrates in class. It’s her adorable hiccups.

She is in love with Lexa. She has been in love with her all this time, even when she was treating her like something she scratched off her shoe. That’s why it hurt so much.

She isn’t ready to forgive her yet, but Clarke really tries to go somehow back to normal in the next couple of days. They don’t really talk, but they don’t avoid each other either. Clarke spends more time with the group again and even takes her old seat next to the brunette in English class. She tries and it hurts less every day.

However, Clarke notices how much Lexa is still hurting. The girl doesn’t run off when Clarke joins them for lunch and she doesn’t flinch when their legs accidently bump under the table. But she is hurting. Her eyes look empty and she is barely saying anything. And every day Clarke is hurting less for herself and more for the girl with the sad eyes.

___________________________________________________________________________

It hurts. It hurts being next to Clarke. She knows that the blonde didn’t tell Raven or the others about the poem or Lexa’s feelings for Clarke. They only know that they talked and sorted things out.

Lexa knows that she blew the tiniest chance of Clarke ever liking her back. She is surprised by the blonde’s reaction though. She didn’t yell at Lexa for liking her. She never said anything about hating Lexa for having feelings for her. She never said she didn’t like the idea. She just wanted to know why she didn’t tell her.  A glimmer of hope starts to spark in her heart every time she things about it, but she quickly stops it from developing into a flame. She blew it and she has to deal with the consequences.

Lexa tries. She tries to act normal around Clarke and give her space without avoiding her again, which isn’t easy. Especially, when the girl sits next to her in English class again. She can’t read Clarke. She has no idea where they stand, but she can’t stop her body from going into overdrive whenever the girl is around. Lexa has no idea how to ever fall out of love with Clarke Griffin.

__________________________________________________________________________

It’s been a week since their showdown in Lexa’s room. It’s dinner time and the brunette sits at a table in the dining hall and spreads cream cheese onto her pretzel when she catches a stream of golden hair in her peripheral vision. Looking up from her plate she meets blue eyes and a tiny smile when Clarke takes the seat between her and Jasper.

Immediately, her heart starts pounding like crazy and she is so distracted by the blonde’s perfume that she accidentally spreads some cream cheese on her piece of apple pie as well. Yuck.

Clarke is chatting with Jasper and Monty and Lexa wants nothing more than to laugh with them as if nothing happened. But she can’t. She tries to scrape some of the cheese off the pie but gives up and just shoves it aside and lets her hands fall into her lap; nervously tugging at her shirt.

She concentrates on simply inhaling and exhaling without getting dizzy from the sweet cloud of perfume that is floating around the blonde when something causes her to jerk a little. A small warm hand slips into hers under the table and she forgets how to breathe for a second. Is this really happening? She feels a thumb stroking over the back of her hand and she is pretty sure she is about to have a stroke. Relaxing a little, she lets out a puff of breath and glances at the blonde. Clarke is still talking to Monty and Jasper, but Lexa is pretty sure that the tiny smile on her face isn’t meant for them. The butterflies in her stomach are all going super bowl halftime show on her right now. She bites her lip and relaxes her hand a little. She can see confusion washing over the other girl’s face so she quickly repositions their hands and entwines their fingers. Clarke clings to her hand as if her life depends on it and Lexa has to bite the inside of her cheeks to stop herself from smiling like a complete idiot

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely happy with this chapter but I hope you like it anyway... It's a bit shorter than the last ones
> 
> Some of you couldn't wait for the next chapter so I tried to update as soon as possible and I think it's a fitting chapter for valentine's day :) (even though it's already 4am on Monday here ^^) 
> 
> thanks for all the nice comments , leave me some more if you liked it or feel free to complain if you hate it :p


	14. The one with a pocket full of sunshine...

It’s pitch-black in the room, the faint yellow glow of an alarm clock being the only source of light. Lexa glances at the clock on her nightstand and sighs when it tells her that it’s 2 in the morning. She can’t sleep. Her body is tired, but her mind is wide awake. Awake and full of blue and blonde and busy rewinding the events of this evening, playing them over and over again.

Clarke had been holding her hand. Clarke, who has every right to be mad at Lexa and just ignore her. She held her hand. Lexa’s whole body starts to tingle when she thinks about how their hands stayed entwined for 20 minutes, how Clarke drew small circles on her skin, and how she squeezed her hand before letting go of it when everyone stood up to leave.

The brunette tosses and turns and she is pretty sure that she won’t get a wink of sleep tonight. She never felt like this before. This constant fluttering in her stomach is something completely new to the girl. She just wants to be happy and indulge in the memory of Clarke’s skin on hers, but she can’t. There still is something that tells her she can’t. This tiny voice in her head that laughs about her naivety and tells her that she is reading too much into it and that Clarke was just friendly. That Clarke just held her hand like she holds Raven or Octavia’s hand sometimes. That Clarke just wanted to show her that she isn’t mad at her anymore. That Clarke doesn’t see her like that.

But what if she does?

________________________________________________________________________

Clarke spent most of her Saturday morning at the hospital. Roma drove her back for a quick follow-up and even though she had an appointment they had to wait for 2,5 hours to finally see the doctor for 3 minutes. Fortunately, her head seems to be fine. She is freed from PE for another week, but otherwise she can move around as she likes.

She enters her dorm room at 12:30 and doesn’t even look at Octavia before flapping down on her bed. The blonde lies there for a few seconds and groans into her pillow before she turns her head and does a double take when she sees her roommate. Octavia is standing next to her own bed, hands entwined behind her back, and she is starring at Clarke with a huge smile on her face

“Uhm O?”

“Clarke” the other girl’s smile only widens

“What’s with the smile? You’re creeping me out” Clarke sits up and eyes her roommate suspiciously

“Nothing. Can’t I just smile for no specific reason?” Octavia answers with an innocent shrug, but takes a few steps until she stops just in front of the blonde’s bed

“Ok spill, what do you want? Clarke tugs at the brunette’s arm, making her sit next to her on the dark blue covers

Octavia lets out a puff of air and bites her bottom lip “Fine…there is something I want…but feel free to say no, it’s just…” Clarke interrupts her by repeatedly poking her arm “just-tell-me-what-you-want. Unless it’s a threesome with Raven or some sick shit like that. I love you both, but I’m not into that”

The other girl snorts and pokes her back “Ew, gross Clarke! No it’s nothing like that, it’s … You and Lexa…you do get along now, right? I mean you talked after the hospital and you sorted things out?”

“Uhm, yes. I guess. Why?” Clarke is confused . Does Octavia know that there is something  between her and Lexa? Even though Clarke doesn’t really know what this something is yet

“So you don’t hate being in the same room as her?” the brunette goes on with a hopeful tone in her voice

“Ok, I have no clue what you’re talking about Octavia. Just tell me what this is about”

“Fine I just cut through the shit then” she takes a deep breath “do you mind Lexa spending the night in my bed tonight so I can have a sleepover with Raven?” she blushes a little when she sees the smirk on Clarke’s face

“A sleepover you call that, huh? I don’t think there will be much sleeping at this sleepover, but sure. Have fun!” she winks at Octavia whose blush turns from light pink to deep red

“Thanks, Clarkey” she gives her a big hug “I already got the ok from Raven and Lexa so I’ll switch rooms with Lex at 7”

Clarke is surprised that Lexa actually agreed to this, but shakes the though off and concentrates on the nervous mess in front of her “do you need any help getting ready? I could do your hair? Or help you pick out some hot underwear” Octavia immediately jumps off the bed and nods enthusiastically when she walks towards her wardrobe

____________________________________________________________________________

Clarke is relieved when Octavia leaves at 6:45, giving her 15 minutes to prepare herself for Lexa’s arrival. As soon as the door closes behind her roommate, the blonde is off her bed and starts digging through her clothes. She shouldn’t be nervous. She knows that Lexa already likes her so it’s not like she has to make a good impression. Plus, this is not a date. It’s just Lexa hanging out in her room, giving O and Raven some privacy. It’s not like she invited her over or anything. But why does it feel like a date then and why is Clarke so nervous she is almost peeing her pants?

Sitting in a pile of clothes, Clarke rolls her eyes at her own behavior and finally just goes for some plaid flannel pajama bottoms and a black t-shirt which has a camera lens peeking through blinds on it with _She’s back_ written over it. It’s casual, but the blonde knows that Lexa will immediately recognize it. She finishes the outfit off with a pair of red extra fluffy socks and hurries to the bathroom where she brushes her teeth and hair. She lingers in the threshold of the bathroom for a second before she heads back to the sink and quickly puts on some cherry chapstick.

Clarke is now sitting on her bed cross-legged with a book in her lap. She has no intention of actually reading it, she just wants it to lay there so Lexa won’t take her for a complete loser who just sits there and waits for the girl that isn’t even coming to see her in the first place. After waiting for 30 minutes she thinks she might get conjunctivitis from starring at the door. It’s 7:27 and still, no Lexa. She can’t take it anymore. She gets off her bed and starts pacing up and down her room, stopping every few seconds because she thinks she hears footsteps. She jumps a little when her phone starts to buzz on her desk, announcing a text message. Clarke unlocks the screen and reads the message with a frown on her face

 **Octavia:** Hey favorite roomy! I just wanted to say thank you again for letting Lexa sleep in our room. I hope you two are still alive up there and no one has killed the other one yet. See you tomorrow

 **Clarke:** No one’s dead yet, don’t worry. Have fun ;)

Clarke types her reply before she grabs her keys and leaves the room.  Where is Lexa? Why didn’t she show up? Did she scare her off by holding her hand during dinner? Did she just want to be with Clarke while she thought she couldn’t have her, and now that she actually might have a chance she is not interested anymore?

The blonde turns a corner on the second floor and her instincts prove to be right when she sees a dim light shining through the door of the common room. Her hands start to sweat thinking about what will happen once she steps through this door. She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths before stepping into the threshold.

Lexa is curled up on the old couch, a big pillow behind her back and a worn book in her hands. Her hair is up in a messy bun with a few loose strands framing her face while she is wearing pajama bottoms and a dark red hoodie. Clarke notices how the hand that isn’t holding the book is hidden inside the sleeve of the hoodie and how her legs seem to shake a little. She doesn’t have a blanket.

The brunette hasn’t noticed her yet so Clarke takes a few tentative steps towards the couch and immediately gets the girl’s attention. Lexa drops her book and sits up, her green eyes staring into blue ones

“Clarke” her voice is soft but hesitant

“What are you doing here?” Clarke takes a few more steps and sits down on the rest of the couch. She averts her gaze when she continues “Octavia said you would show up at 7. But you didn’t. You obviously prefer freezing to death in here than spending the night in my room, so if this is about dinner …”

“NO!” the brunette blurts out and interrupts Clarke’s rambling “no, it’s not. I…I didn’t want to impose” Clarke looks up from her hands and is just about to say something when Lexa goes on “Octavia and Raven made you agree to this. I didn’t know if you…I want you to spend time with me because you want to, not because you have to”

Lexa looks at her with big eyes and a small smile slowly starts to form on Clarke’s face “And the fact that I was holding your hand yesterday made you think that I don’t want to spend time with you how?”

The brunette shrugs, but Clarke can see the corner of her mouth twitch a little “Come on” she just grabs Lexa’s pillow and uses the other hand to pull the other girl up. Lexa bites her lip and can’t withhold a smile when the blonde entwines their fingers and drags her out of the room.

____________________________________________________________________________

 5 minutes later, Lexa is sitting on Octavia’s bed not sure what to do. It’s way too early to sleep, but she doesn’t know what to do in a room alone with Clarke. They never had a long conversation before and she is afraid that she doesn’t have  anything interesting to say and might bore the blonde. Clarke is busy on her side of the room, starting her laptop and turning the little lamp on her nightstand on. She places the laptop on her bed and moves towards the door where she switches the big light off. Lexa blushes a little when the other girl turns around to face her and catches her staring. Clarke sits down on her bed and nods towards the empty space next to her

“Do you want to watch a movie?” she scoots over a little more and gives Lexa a smile that makes her heart beat faster. The brunette just nods and climbs into the big queen sized bed, leaving some space between them. Clarke places the laptop on her lap and hesitates for a second before she closes the space. She can hear Lexa’s sharp intake of breath when their thighs press together and the blonde turns the laptop screen so both of them can see it

“Sooo…what do you wanna watch?” Clarke turns her head and questioningly looks at Lexa, and a shiver runs down the brunette’s spine when she realizes that their heads are only inches apart

“Uhm…I don’t know. Maybe a comedy? Or not, I mean if you prefer action or something…” Clarke stops her by putting a hand on her wrist and laughs “A comedy sounds great. Do you have a favorite comedy? Maybe I have it on DVD”

“Do you have _Easy A_?” the blonde nods enthusiastically and jumps off her bed to fetch the DVD from a shelf. She quickly climbs back into bed and Lexa thinks that she even seems to sit a bit closer this time. Noticing that Lexa still seems to shiver a little, Clarke tugs the covers up over their chests and hits the play button on the laptop screen.

They are about 10 minutes into the movie when Lexa realizes that maybe it wasn’t so clever to pick a comedy. She feels the urge to laugh every few minutes but doesn’t want to embarrass herself in front of Clarke by laughing her ass off even though she has seen this movie dozens of times. However, it only takes her another minute to turn bright red after letting out a big snort. She can hear the blonde giggling next to her and wants to curl up and die, but is quickly ripped out off her embarrassment when Clarke moves a little and entwines their hands underneath the covers.

“You’re laugh is adorable, don’t hold it back” the girl whispers into her ear and makes Lexa’s heart skip a beat, only to speed up a second later

She is still a little embarrassed but slowly starts to relax. They even talk a little, commenting on the actors or outfits. Lexa can’t help glancing at the blue-eyed girl every few minutes. She just can’t believe that this is actually happening. She can smell Clarke’s coconut shampoo, she can feel Clarke’s body pressed into her side, she can hear Clarke’s raspy laugh, and she can see her beautiful face. The beautiful face that is so close to her right now that it makes her a little dizzy. Clarke insists on rewatching a few of the best scenes and Lexa doesn’t complain. Not even when the blonde makes her sing along to _Pocket Full of Sunshine_ with her.

Clarke puts the laptop away after the second movie and Lexa is just about to move over into Octavia’s bed when the blonde is already by her side again, grabbing her hand as if it were something they did hundreds of times before. The brunette hesitates a little when Clarke tugs her down until they both lie down and she has to gulp when the other girl shifts so she is facing Lexa. Clarke just watches her and Lexa stares at the ceiling, desperately trying to come up with something she can say to end the awkward silence. She turns her head just a little bit so she can glace at Clarke and meets her blue eyes

“I really hurt you… why …why don’t you hate me? Why do you want me to be here with you?” her voice is only a whisper, but their faces are so close that Clarke can hear her just fine

The blonde seems to think for a moment before she replies “I just like you more than I hate you…no! Let me rephrase that. I don’t hate you at all. I was just hurt, but I know that you were hurting just as much…I couldn’t hate you. You’re way too cute” she bites her lip and grins at Lexa whose face turns into a tomato. Trying to hide the blush on her face she rolls over on her side and lays her head on Clarke’s shoulder. She surprises herself by this bold move, but relaxes when Clarke turns off the light on her nightstand and wraps her arm around Lexa’s waist. She should be nervous. But she suddenly isn’t anymore. She feels safe and calm and is quickly lulled to sleep by the steady heartbeat of the blue-eyed princess. Her blue-eyed princess…maybe?

___________________________________________________________________________

_Meanwhile on the second floor_

Octavia knocks on Raven’s door at 6:55 and gasps when it opens and reveals the room behind it. She slowly steps through the threshold and hears the door behind her snap shut, but she can’t take her eyes off what’s in front of her. The fairy lights from her birthday party are hung up over Raven’s bed and the only other light source is a big candle on the nightstand. The covers on her girlfriend’s bed have a heart pattern on them and she can hear slow music playing in the background. It’s perfect.

When she finally turns around to face the other brunette she doesn’t hesitate to quickly close the distance between them and greet her with a gentle kiss

“It’s beautiful, Raven” she leans her forehead against her before she takes a step back and reaches for her hand

“Really? I wasn’t sure…” Raven swings their hands between them a little and tugs her towards the bed

“Trust me, it’s perfect” they sit down on the covers and Octavia suddenly feels shy when she meets her girlfriend’s gaze “Do you want to watch a movie or something? I mean before we…you know…”

Raven moves her free hand up to Octavia’s chin to stop her from looking away “Hey, we don’t have to do anything if you’re not ready for the next step. We don’t have to go all the way”

“No. I mean, I really want to… I just…can we maybe cuddle first?” she bites her bottom lip and she can feel her heart beating faster when sees the sparkle in those big brown eyes. Raven nods and stands up to get her laptop and a DVD. Octavia kicks her shoes off and lifts the covers to make herself comfortable underneath them. She has done this before. Like hundreds of times. It feels familiar and safe. Raven is home to her. But she knows that after the cuddling and the movie they will sail into unknown waters and it’s scary as fuck. But it’s Raven and somehow this makes it ok. It doesn’t feel wrong to be scared. She is about to jump out off a plane, but she knows that Raven will be her parachute.

They watch _Pitch Perfect_ and end up lying so close that there is no way to tell where one of them ends and the other one starts. Their limbs are entangled, their hands busy roaming over each other’s arms and waists, and their hair is one big brown mess framing their heads.

Raven pretends to pay attention to the movie but her body is in overdrive for every one of its 112 minutes. Octavia’s fingers are drawing small circles on the naked skin on her hip and she really has to concentrate to not make a sound every time they dip a little underneath the waistband of her pajama shorts. They’re not even doing anything yet, but the way her body is pressed against her and way her breath hits a particularly sensitive spot on Raven’s neck is enough to soak her panties. She is a mess by the time the movie is over.

Dropping the laptop on her desk she opens the music player again to restart the playlist she made for today. She really hopes that it’s too dark in the room for Octavia to notice the dark patch between her legs and quickly climbs back into bed. However, her breath catches a little when she looks at her girlfriend and sees the predatory look in her eyes. Apparently, the proximity of the last one and a half hours did have a similar effect on Octavia. Her pupils are blown and dark, her lips are slightly parted, and her chest heaves as she struggles to control her breathing.

Raven moves a little closer and cups the other girl’s face with one hand, slipping the other one in her neck to pull her into a kiss. It starts slow and gentle, but quickly becomes more heated when Octavia digs her teeth into Raven’s bottom lip and pushes her tongue into her mouth. Raven groans into the kiss and let’s her hand wander down her girlfriend’s body only to move it upwards again once she slips it underneath the loose shirt. She slowly traces the outline of Octavia’s bra, but it’s not enough. She needs to see her. She needs to feel her. She pulls back panting heavily and looks into green eyes when she tugs at the shirt

“Can I?” Octavia just gives her a nod, but quickly lifts her arms. Raven pulls the shirt off in one swift motion and gets rid of her own shirt before crashing their lips together again. She is surprised when she feels a hand reaching around her body to unclasp her bra just a second later

“Somebody can’t wait” she chuckles and can see a blush forming on Octavia’s face when she pulls back to place small kisses along her jaw, while simultaneously freeing the other brunette of the red lace that is covering her breasts. She moves so she is hovering over her girlfriend’s body and kisses down her neck, occasionally nipping a little, until she reaches the newly exposed body part. She can hear Octavia’s panting increase when she kisses a line down between her breasts and evokes a loud moan when she slightly drags her teeth over the first nipple. She nips, and licks, and sucks until both nipples are hard as a rock and the girl underneath her is bucking her hips

“Raven…please” Octavia’s eyes are closed and her teeth are buried into her bottom lip. Raven smirks and moves down her body until she reaches the waistband of the green pajama pants. She kisses a line along the waistband before she sits up to pull it off the toned legs. Octavia shivers and the brown-eyed girl gulps when she sees the dark spot on the red lace panties. She hooks her fingers under the waistband but hesitates

“O?” she waits for Octavia to open her eyes and give her the permission

“Just do it Raven” as soon as those words leave her girlfriend’s lips, the panties are thrown off the bed and Raven moans at the sight in front of her. Octavia is drenched. Raven lies down between her thighs and gently places one of the trembling legs over her shoulder. Octavia bucks her hips when Raven starts kissing up her left thigh, sucking at the soft skin at the apex. She does the same with the other thigh, but can’t take it anymore. She has to taste her and judging by the desperate whines coming from Octavia she is more than ok with that.

Octavia cries out when Raven licks up her folds for the first time and buries her hands into her hair. Raven starts slow with small circles around her clit, but quickly ups the tempo when Octavia’s hands push her face deeper into her crotch, eager for more friction. She alternates between fast flicks and small circles and has to hold Octavia down to stop her hips from bucking with every touch. It only takes her two minutes to bring her close to the edge and she doesn’t want to tease. Not today. She can see Octavia’s fist clenching around the covers and stops the movement of her tongue to suck her clit into her mouth. The girl stumbles over the edge with trembling legs and a loud moan and Raven just keeps sucking for a moment to help her ride it off.

Octavia’s body goes limp and she keeps her eyes closed while Raven moves up to lie next to her

“That was…wow!” Raven chuckles at her girlfriend’s words who slowly opens her eyes to look at her. Octavia reaches out to pull Raven into a kiss and moans a little when she tastes herself on the other girl’s lips. Her hands move down Raven’s body and soon tug at her shorts. She pulls back to get rid of the shorts and panties in one quick motion and a few minutes later, Raven is the one that sees stars.

 

It’s 1am but neither of them thinks about sleeping yet. They just enjoy being close to each other, their naked bodies tangled underneath the covers. Octavia’s head is lying on Raven’s chest and she listens to the steady heartbeat

“You know… I think it’s good that it took us years to get here. We were friends first and this way I got to know every part of you. I know your flaws as well as I know your strengths. And I love them all. It gave me the chance to not only see you from a girlfriend’s point of view but also from a best friend’s point of view. I know every part of you and I love every part of you. I love you Raven”

Octavia’s speech takes Raven by surprise and it takes a minute for her words to sink in. Octavia loves her. She probably even loves the bits of her that Raven doesn’t like herself. She loves her. Raven has never been so happy

“I love you too, O”

____________________________________________________________________________

When Lexa wakes up on Sunday morning she almost jerks back. Clarke’s face is only inches away and one of her legs is tangled between Lexa’s. The brunette relaxes when she notices that the other girl is still asleep and uses this opportunity to look at Clarke. She looks beautiful. Peaceful. Like a sleeping Disney princess. Her cheeks are pink and her lips slightly parted. Most of her blonde curls are pulled back, only one loose strand is falling into her face.

Clarke’s arm lies over the covers and Lexa can’t stop herself from touching the exposed skin. It’s pale but so soft and she gently lets her fingertips dance down to her wrist and up to her short sleeves , repeating the movement over and over again. She closes her eyes and just enjoys the feeling underneath her fingertips and the way her stomach flutters when Clarke’s soft puffs of breath meet the skin on her cheek

“I really like you, Clarke” she whispers and pulls her fingers away from the girl’s arm, but only to entwine their hands instead before she falls back to sleep.

She doesn’t know that Clarke only pretends to be asleep and that the girl is doing an inner happy-dance right now

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> longest chapter yet !
> 
> I hope you're ok with some Octaven smut until we get there with Clexa ;) 
> 
> Points for those who know where Clarke's pajama shirt is from :D 
> 
> thanks for all of the comments on the last chapters ♥


	15. The one in which Clarke trades her oreo...

Clarke is standing under the hot stream of the shower and closes her eyes, enjoying the water on her skin. Images of last night flash through her mind: tiny hands on her waist, brown curls in her face, and hot puffs of breath against her neck. A tingle spreads through her body when she pictures the sight she woke up to only 10 minutes ago. Lexa’s body was draped around her like a baby monkey holding on to its mother. Reaching for the shampoo, Clarke can’t hold back a chuckle when she thinks about the adorable sounds the brunette mumbled into her pillow when she slowly freed herself from her arms to go to the bathroom. The blonde really didn’t want to move. She gladly would have spend the whole day in bed partly buried underneath the other girl’s body, but she really had to pee. Once in the bathroom she decided to take a quick shower to give the brunette some time to wake up.

After washing her body thoroughly she steps out of the shower and dries her body with a fluffy towel before slipping into her clothes. She applies a small amount of makeup and reaches for her hairdryer, but stops mid movement. She doesn’t know if Lexa is awake yet. She doesn’t even know if Lexa is still in the room. But what if she is still asleep and the sound of the hair dryer will wake her up? Is she going to run? Clarke considers not drying her hair to increase the chances of the other girl still being there when she leaves the bathroom, but opts against it.

A few minutes later, she combs through her dry curls and takes a last glance into the mirror over the sink before opening the door. She steps into the room and is immediately stopped by two things. 1)the cold breeze of air that makes her shiver 2) the cutest little sleepy creature that is staring at her through her long lashes. Lexa is sitting on her bed, covers tightly wrapped around her body. Her hair is a mess of brown curls and her cheeks are rosy

“Good morning, Clarke” she smiles at the blonde and shyly tugs a strand of curls behind her ear

“Morning…” Clarke stutters and slowly steps towards the bed

“Are you alright?” Lexa’s brows furrow a little when she notices the hesitation in Clarke’s movements and the confusion in her voice

“Yeah…sorry…I wasn’t expecting you to still be here…I thought you’d run…” she shrugs and takes a seat on the edge of the bed

“Do you want me to run?” Clarke can hear the anxiety in Lexa’s quite words and quickly reaches for her hand “No! I’m really glad you didn’t”

Blue meets green and they share a smile before Lexa speaks again “I actually plan on running right now” she wants to tease the blonde a little but quickly continues when she sees her face fall “running to the dining hall. I’m starving! Do you…do you want to join me for breakfast?” she squeezes Clarke’s hand and watches how blue eyes light up

“Sure! I’ll just get you something to wear so you won’t have to go in your pajamas” she rushes to her wardrobe and comes back with a t-shirt and some leggings. Lexa excuses herself to the bathroom and Clarke lets out a happy sigh when she flops onto her bed

_________________________________________________________________________________

20 minutes later the two girls are in the dining hall. While Lexa picks up some yoghurt and a small variation of fruits, Clarke has a big pile of pancakes on her plate. They sit down at a table by the window and the blonde happily drowns her pancakes in sirup before cutting them into small pieces. She is stirring her chocolate milk with a straw when she looks up and chuckles at what she sees. Lexa doesn’t look very enthusiastic while poking a slice of apple with her knife. Instead, she seems more enthusiastic about Clarke’s plate, literally drooling over it. The blonde stops Lexa from basically eye-fucking her pancakes by sliding the plate in the middle of the table

“Dig in” she winks at the brunette who blushes instantly “I can’t eat your breakfast Clarke. I have…well I have my own”

“Yeah but yours sucks” Clarke laughs and shoves the plate towards the other girl “I don’t mind sharing”

“But I can’t…” her protest is stopped by a fork full of pancake the blonde quickly sticks into her mouth. Though, Clarke almost drops the fork when Lexa lets out a small moan and licks the sirup off her lips “Oh god, why did I get fruit? This is sooo much better”

Clarke has to pick her jaw up from the ground and quickly digs into her food before she does something stupid. Like leaning over and licking the remaining drop of sirup out of the corner of Lexa’s mouth. She gives the brunette an assuring smile when she finally gives in and at least alternates between her boring fruit and yoghurt and Clarke’s pancakes.

The blonde likes the comfortable silence and how they just share smiles and glances, but after they’ve finished their breakfast, an idea comes to her mind “Do you want to play 21 questions? I feel like I barely know anything about you”

“Ok” Lexa nods and Clarke grabs her phone “I have some question on here, but feel free to skip some if they make you feel uncomfortable…”

She opens the page and pushes their trays aside to place her phone between them “Ok, first question is easy: What’s your favorite color? Mine are green and red”

“Hmm…blue I guess?!” she quickly averts her gaze from her favorite shade of blue and turns the phone to read the next question “What was the name of your first pet?”

“Haha, my first pet was a guinea pig named Harry”

Lexa giggles “Harry?”

“Yeah, you know, because it had lots of hair! Not very creative I know, but I was like 4 so come on” she playfully nudges Lexa’s shoulder who is still laughing “Harry, that’s so cute”

“So what about your first pet?”

“My first pet was named Fish”

“You just laughed about Harry when you were even less creative and named a fish Fish?” Clarke snorts but the brunette just smirks and shakes her head which confuses the blonde

“Who said anything about a fish? Fish was a Golden Retriever. I was 5 and living with my grandmother. We went to the animal shelter to pick up a hamster or a fish, well something small. But we walked out with a puppy and I insisted on naming him Fish”

“Aww that’s the cutest story ever! Is he still alive?” Clarke asks but regrets her question when she sees the pain in those green eyes

“I don’t know. I had him for three years, but my grandmother died when I was eight and my parents dropped me of at boarding school so I couldn’t keep him. They just handed him over to grandma’s neighbors and I never really got to say goodbye…” her voice breaks during her last words and Clarke reaches over the table two grab her hand and entwine their fingers “I’m sorry, Lex”

“It’s ok” she shrugs because it actually is. Yes it hurts to think about her dog and her grandmother, but Clarke is holding her hand and Clarke is calling her _Lex_ , and the sadness doesn’t dwell so long this time.

“Ok, how about something more fun: What’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you” the blonde grins and Lexa rolls her eyes

“Uhm, as you might have noticed I’m a huge klutz so I embarrass myself on a regular basis, mostly by falling off or running against something. But…I think the most embarrassing thing happened when I was 13. We were on this field trip and there was this church that our teacher made us visit. Some old dude was talking about the church’s history and we were all bored. Raven thought it would be fun to sit in the last row and quietly narrate everything the man was doing. We laughed our asses of and well… I might have laughed a little too hard since I peed my pants…in church”

Clarke is barely managing to stay on her chair she is laughing so hard about the story “Oh my god! This is the best! “she wipes away some tears but snorts again when she sees the adorable pout on Lexa’s face

“Whatever, let’s laugh about you for a change. What’s your story?” she crosses her arms over her chest and pretends to be offended but one look at the other girl makes the corners of her mouth twitch again

“Ok ok, time to laugh about me” she tugs at Lexa’s arms until their hands are entwined again and starts her story “I was 15. I was babysitting for some friends of my parents. They have twins who were 7 at that time. Their parents knew that I was into art so they though I’m good at crafting too…which I’m not. So they left us with all sorts of crafting material and we made some kind of 3D landscape on a piece of cardboard and amongst other things used pieces of egg cartons as mountains. Well, long story short, I ended up in the hospital with an egg carton super-glued to my hand. My mum was working and she and her colleagues took pictures. One of them is now in the hospital’s brochure that warns you about household things that can be dangerous for children”

After Lexa finally stops laughing when Clarke shows her a photo of the brochure, they continue with the questions.  Clarke learns that Lexa doesn’t have a middle name and that her favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate, while Lexa hears about Clarke’s fear of heights and that her favorite season is spring.

“So, last question actually: What was your worst date ever?” the blonde takes a sip from her chocolate milk but looks up when Lexa hesitates

“Uhm…” the brunette nervously fiddles with the sleeve of her sweater “I’ve never been on a date”

Clarke’s eyes widen in disbelieve “What? I mean it’s ok if you’ve never been on one but there must have been plenty of people who asked you out?! I mean, look at you” she gestures towards Lexa’s face and body and makes the girl blush before she shrugs “No one asked me out…but it’s ok, I’ve never been really interested in dating anyway”

“How about with me?” Clarke blurts out

“What?”

The blonde bites her lip and looks into green eyes “How about with me? Would you be interested in going on a date with me?”

Lexa opens her mouth to say something but she just manages to nod and smile

“Great” Clarke mimics her smile “I’ll think about where and when and will text you the details”

After Octavia texted to tell them that Lexa can go back to her room, the two girls hugged goodbye and Clarke took the stairs to the third floor.

___________________________________________________________________________

When she enters her room, Octavia is nowhere to be seen so she settles down on her desk chair and opens her history folder to finish her homework. However, the blonde can’t get herself to focus on the Roman Empire since her thoughts keep travelling back to her breakfast with Lexa. She had never seen the girl like this before. Sure, she was still a little shy and Clarke can tell that she makes her nervous, but it was different. She laughed a lot and shared so many things about herself, things that made her like the girl even more. They talked for over an hour and it never felt awkward or forced. She can really get used to this…

5 minutes later, Octavia stumbles into the room and let’s herself fall back into the armchair “Hey princess, what’s up?”

“Uhm, who cares what is up with me, what’s up with you? How was your night?” she walks over, sits on the armrest and grins at her blushing roommate

“It was…pretty great actually” Octavia bites her lip and looks up to meet the blonde’s gaze “Raven made sure that everything was perfect”

“Aww I’m so happy for you guys” Clarke leans down to engulf the brunette in a big hug

“Thanks Clarkey. She also invited me to the winter formal. I mean, it was kind of obvious that we will go together, but I think it’s nice that she asked me anyway”

“Winter formal?” Clarke sits back up and pushes her hair out of her face “is this the party I heard you guys talking about before?”

“Uhm yeah there are posters all over the academy, haven’t you noticed? It’s in two weeks so we do have some time to buy a dress, but I don’t want to wait till the last moment so do you want to go dress shopping with me this week?”

“Sure, maybe Thursday after school?” the blonde suggests and Octavia nods “Yeah, Thursday sounds good. That also gives me some time to find you a hot date!” she wiggles her eyebrows and enthusiastically claps her hands together

“Nooo, you’re not going to do anything. I’m perfectly capable of finding myself a date, but thank you” Clarke walks back over to her desk and sits down in her chair

“Are you sure? I know a lot of people who would love to be your date…or…WAIT!” her eyes widen and she sits up straight “You already have someone in mind, don’t you?!”

Clarke just innocently smiles at her and shrugs before she finally gets back to her homework

__________________________________________________________________________________

Monday goes great for Lexa. She sits next to Clarke in English class and at lunch and warmth washes through her body every time their legs bump under the desk and their pinkies entwine under the dining table. The last weekend changed everything. She touched Clarke, she talked to Clarke, she laughed with Clarke, and suddenly she can breathe again. The last few months she always felt like suffocating whenever the blonde was around, but now that she finally took down the walls that stopped the other girl from getting too close it’s like fresh air streams through her lungs. Well, maybe through her heart. She feels strong and full of life. This is not weakness.

Lexa has to admit that she gets a little jealous when Harper joins them for lunch and sits down next to Clarke. They chat and laugh and the brunette feels the urge to show the girl that Clarke is hers. She snorts and almost chokes on her pudding when she pictures herself peeing against the blonde’s leg to claim her. Clarke shoots her a worried glance but Lexa smiles and squeezes their entwined hands under the table. Right. Their hands. Clarke’s hand. Lexa’s hand. It’s her hand in Clarke’s and not Harper’s and this make her feel a tiny bit less jealous. But just a tiny bit because Clarke is not actually hers to claim. Not yet.

She is disappointed when they play dodgeball in PE and Clarke is on the other team, but seeing the blonde in the locker room is much better than seeing her in the gym anyway. At least when the girl is standing just a few lockers away right now and slowly peeling her shorts and shirt off. Clarke is facing the locker, but Lexa is perfectly satisfied with watching her almost bare backside. She is about to button up her flannel shirt when she gets distracted by the pale silky skin in the light blue panties and matching bra. Clarke slides into her jeans, but turns around before she puts her shirt on and smirks when she catches the brunette staring. Lexa quickly averts her gaze, but when she looks back up after a moment, the blue eyes are still on her and she is pretty sure to see one of them wink before the blonde’s head vanishes inside the shirt.

She is surprised to feel some wetness between her legs only from watching the blonde and mentally curses herself before heading towards the bathroom. She splashes cold water into her face and takes a few deep breaths. When she walks back into the locker room Clarke is nowhere to be seen. Disappointment settles in her stomach but she pushes it away and grabs her gym bag.

A loud shriek escapes her throat when a hand wraps around her wrist and pulls her around the next corner as soon as she leaves the locker room. It takes her a few second to realize that it’s Clarke who is now standing really close with a little smile on her face

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you” she reaches for Lexa’s hand and looks at her apologetically

“It’s fine. You can startle me more often if you hold my hand afterwards” she looks into blue eyes and her breath catches a little when she sees the intense sparkle in them

Clarke chuckles and swings their hands between them “I keep that in mind. But I had a reason to startle you. I just wanted to ask you if you’re free today after dinner? You know…I thought we can have that date we were talking about…?”

Lexa nods and her heart starts hammering inside her chest “Yes. I’d love to”

“Great. Don’t eat too much for dinner and skip dessert. Meet me at the little common room on the fourth floor of the east wing at 7:30” the blonde tells her before she closes the distance between them to give her quick peck on the cheek, only to turn around and walk away the next second.

For a few minutes Lexa is unable to move. She just stands their holding her cheek with a smile on her face and butterflies in her stomach

________________________________________________________________________________

Lexa is relieved when Raven has a study group after dinner, giving her enough time to change her outfit three times and braiding her hair without looking suspicious. She leaves her room at 7:20 and heads towards the east wing. Before she turns the last corner that separates her from the little common room, she stops and watches her reflection in one of the big windows. She is wearing dark grey jeans, a knitted sweater whose color matches her eyes, and a pair of black socks. While she thought the socks to be more comfortable than shoes, she quickly regrets her decision when the cold wooden floors make her feet go numb. She readjusts one of her braids with shaky hands and finally walks the last steps towards her destination.

Stepping into the threshold of the room her jaw drops in awe. There is a pile of pillows and blankets on the big, comfy leather couch and huge variation of snacks and drinks on the little coffee table. A big candle flickers in the middle of the table, bathing this part of the room in a soft light while the only other light source is a little lamp in the back corner.

Clarke is sitting on the couch with her laptop on her legs and seems to be busy scrolling through a list of some sort. The little crease between her browns immediately disappears when she looks up and their eyes meet

“Hey you” she places her laptop on the couch and gets up to walk towards Lexa, but stops a few steps in front of her “I’m glad you came”

“Yeah, me too” the brunette nervously bites her lip and takes tentative steps towards the couch, not sure what to do

Clarke quickly rushes to her side and arranges the pillows and blankets “Make yourself comfortable. I know we already watched some movies on Saturday, but there’s not much else we can do inside the academy, and we can talk…oh and I have snacks and I …yeah”

“Sounds great, Clarke” Lexa sits down and unfolds one of the big blankets to cover her legs with it. The blonde climbs onto the couch until they sit in a similar position as on Saturday, their thighs pressed together under the blanket and their hands entwined. Since it’s too uncomfortable to sit with the laptop on her lap, Clarke puts some of the snacks next to them on the couch and the drinks on the floor to make room for the device on the coffee table.

They open a bottle of ice tea, a box of Pringles and start the movie, but neither of them pays much attention.  They occasionally comment on what happens on the screen, though most of the time they just enjoy leaning their heads together and feeling the other’s heat on their skin.

When the movie is over, the two girls change their position on the couch, each one of them sitting on one end facing each other with their legs tangled in the middle. The laugh and talk and somehow end up with another round of 21 questions, though with their own questions this time.

When Clarke jerks a little after Lexa’s left foot touched her thigh, the brunette thinks that she is falling even deeper in love with her when the girl just keeps on telling a story while wordlessly grabbing a pair of fluffy socks from her bag and putting them on Lexa’s cold feet.

An hour later they are just recovering from a fit of laugher when Lexa puts her hand into the box of oreos only for it to come out empty. She can’t stop the pout from forming on her face and sighs before she looks at Clarke. The blonde has a mischievous grin on her face and Lexa furrows her brows before she notices what’s in the girl’s hand. An oreo. The last oreo.

“You’re evil” the brunette grunts and crosses her arms over her chest like a stubborn 3 year old

“Do you want the last cookie, Leksa?” the way she says her name makes a shiver run down the brunette’s spine but she holds her gaze “Yes”

“Well, what do I get in return?” Clarke moves towards Lexa until she sits in the middle of the couch with a smirk on her face

“W…what?” the blonde’s proximity seems to have an effect on her brain function since she can’t form words let alone thoughts and it’s almost painful to keep her eyes from glancing at her pink lips

“You want the oreo and I want something in return. But make sure it is worth the trade because it’s a REALLY good cookie”

Lexa is not quite sure if she is still breathing. Is Clarke asking for what she thinks she’s asking for? She is staring into blue eyes and notices how their faces get closer. Is she the one moving? Are they both? She can see Clarke’s gaze dropping from her eyes to her lips and they are so close that their noses are almost touching now. She takes a shaky breath when their noses bump and Clarke’s soft hand cups her cheek. She closes her eyes and sees stars. It’s gentle and slow and Lexa sighs into the kiss. Fireworks explode in her stomach and she almost whines when the other girl pulls back after a few seconds. Lexa looks at Clarke with parted lips and the blonde grins and hands her the oreo. The brunette looks at the cookie before she places it on the coffee table. She wraps her hand around Clarke’s neck and pulls her in for another kiss. After letting out a surprised shriek the girl melts into Lexa’s lips and the latter smiles into the kiss. Clarke tastes so much better than an oreo.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I feel about this chapter...
> 
> The winter formal is in the next one ;) 
> 
> I can't wait for tomorrow's episode !!! I hope they'll give us at least a Clexa hug


	16. NOT A CHAPTER

**3x07 SPOILERS!**

 

**Sorry not a chapter** , I just don’t know how to process what happened and I thought maybe writing about it might help…

It’s been hours since the episode and I’m still a sobbing mess. I don’t know about you but I wasn’t expecting that. Yes, I was pretty sure that they are going to kill her off, but not in this episode !!!! Not after Clarke finally made a move! I don’t even remember the last words they said to each other since I was crying so hard I couldn’t hear anything. And I'm so not ready to watch this scene again.

I really don’t know how this show is going to move on without Lexa. I can’t imagine it without her. I really like Clarke, but I LOVED Lexa. I loved the way she didn’t need words to express what she feels. I loved how she was just Lexa with Clarke and Heda with everyone else. I loved how pissed she sounded every time she said “Leave us”. I loved the way she acted around the young nightbloods. I loved how she desperately tried to keep Clarke safe while also making the right choices for her people. I loved how she only smiled at Clarke. I loved her since her very first scene. 

And the thing is, all the fanfic stories here made me love her even more. Yes I love the Lexa in the show, but after reading hundreds of stories all the different Lexas became one big Lexa to me. Sure every story is different and lots of them don’t have much to do with the events of the show and don’t even take place in the same universe, but in everyone of them I see something where I say “That’s so Lexa”. The essence of her character is in every version of her and every time I read a Clexa fic I add a new piece to the Lexa puzzle.

But now the biggest puzzle piece got ripped out and I feel like I’m mourning a friend.

 

I definitely plan on ending this fic, but I think I just need a couple of days before I can write anything again without starting to cry.

 

Sorry for this mess ^^

 

_reshop heda, may we meet again_


	17. The one in which Lexa pees against Clarke's leg...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few days ago I thought that it would take me a while to start writing again. Surprisingly, I was wrong. While I still haven't been on twitter and I'm definitely not ready to see the last scene anytime soon (have seen the other scenes again though and always melt at "That's why I..." ♥), reading and writing fan fiction actually helped a lot!  
> Knowing that Lexa is still alive in our little world here makes it hurt less. I still have this constant feeling in my stomach, like something is missing, but at least I don't feel like crying all the time anymore.  
> Band-aids don't fix bullet holes, but fan fiction does. You guys do. Lexa is ours now, she is our commander and we are her warriors.

Clarke is watching the big clock on the wall next to the door. It’s ticking but she feels like it’s moving in slow motion. She can’t keep her feet from shaking under the table and her hand is nervously rolling a pencil over the wooden surface. When the bell finally announces the end of class, the blonde’s hand immediately reaches for the phone in her bag. She opens a next text message and starts typing

 **to cookie monster:** meet me outside the dining hall in 5 minutes

Without waiting for a reply she shoves the phone into the back pocket of her jeans and rushes out of the classroom. The dining hall is on the other side of the academy and she really has to hurry up in order to meet with Lexa before the rest of the group arrives. She runs through the endless maze of corridors and staircases and is relieved to see the brunette already waiting for her when she finally reaches her destination. Instead of slowing down she just runs past the other girl who lets out a surprised shriek when Clarke grabs her hand and pulls her outside through the side entrance. Lexa almost crashes into the blonde’s back when the latter suddenly stops. The brunette is just about to ask what the hell the other girl is up to when Clarke takes a quick look around before she pushes Lexa until her back hits the brick wall of the building. She just has a second to gasp in surprise since warm, soft lips are on hers before she can even process what’s happening.

It’s gentle but it’s still more than their kisses during their date. Clarke’s hands are on her hips while she sucks Lexa’s bottom lip into her mouth and the brunette can feel a wave of heat rushing through her body. No one has ever kissed her like that before. Clarke’s grip on her hips tightens and Lexa’s eyes start to roll back into her head while she desperately tries to not make any embarrassing noise. She doesn’t know if she should feel relieved or disappointed when the blonde eventually slows down before she releases Lexa’s lips with a “pop”

“Sorry” Clarke blushes a little but doesn’t avert her eyes from the green orbs “I just couldn’t wait to do that again and I got a little carried away”

Lexa just blinks and tries to control her breathing, glad that she has the wall behind her for support. Clarke grins and tugs a brown curl behind the other girl’s ear. She leans forward until her head is next to Lexa’s and whispers “maybe you should wait a few minutes before you join me for lunch, you look like someone just sucked at your lips”. With that, the blonde takes a step back and leaves a dumbfounded Lexa behind while she walks back into the building.

Lexa waits for 10 minutes before she finally makes her legs move again. Being 15 minutes late now, she just grabs a sandwich since she doesn’t have enough time to wait in line for something better. She catches Clarke’s gaze from the other end of the table and her legs almost turn into jell-o again when the blonde winks at her. Taking a seat between Monty and Miller she tries to follow the boys' conversation about some TV show, but can’t keep her eyes from searching for blue ones every few seconds.

20 minutes later, the brunette is about to step out of the dining hall when she notices that she forgot her scarf at the table. She quickly walks back, but frowns when she notices that Bellamy and Clarke haven’t left yet. It looks like they are about to head out, but they don’t see Lexa approaching them from behind

“Sooo Clarke…” Bellamy steps from one foot to another and scratches his head

“Yeah?” the blonde looks up with questioning eyes

“I was thinking, you know since we are friends…do you want to go to the winter formal with me?” he gives her one of his lopsided smiles and Lexa stops dead in her tracks

“Uhm, sorry Bell. But I kind of already have a date” she shrugs and disappointment flushes over Bellamy’s face “oh...ok good for you” they both start to walk away, still not noticing the brunette that is frozen to the spot, her hands clinging to her red scarf making her knuckles turn white

 _“I already have a date”_  

Clarke already has a date? Lexa’s stomach drops and she has to sit down at the table. They haven’t talked about the winter formal yet. Clarke hasn’t asked her to be her date, so she is talking about someone else. But who? Harper? Lexa can feel her eyes tearing up and huffs at her own reaction. It’s not like they are together. Clarke never said anything about being exclusive. They’ve been on one date and kissed like three times. Who knows whom else the blonde was kissing the last couple of days. The brunette wipes a single tear from her cheek and takes a deep breath before heading towards her Spanish class.

____________________________________________________________________________________

7:43pm

 **Clarke:** Hey where are you, I missed you at dinner?

7:58pm

 **Clarke** : Lex?

8:33pm

 **Clarke:** Hey are you ok? Did something happen?

9:02

 **Clarke:** Please Lexa, answer me! If you won’t answer in the next 5 minutes I’m coming over

9:04

 **cookie monster** : I’m fine. I’ve things to do

 

Clarke stares at the message on her phone. What happened? Maybe she went too far before lunch? No. Lexa kissed her back. Lexa enjoyed it, Clarke could feel that she was into it. So what changed? Maybe she is reading too much into it and the brunette is just busy…

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke is pacing up and down the corridor in front of the dining hall. Looking back up from glancing at her watch for the tenth time she spots Lexa walking towards her with her phone in her hand. The brunette almost walks past her when Clarke steps in front of her, startling the other girl.

“Clarke…” she just manages to blurt out before being once again dragged outside by the blonde

However, this time Lexa doesn’t follow her so willingly and stops as soon as they step out of the building

“Lex?” Clarke’s says softly, but Lexa can hear the pain in her voice “Are you ok? Did something happen?” she reluctantly lets go of the brunette’s arm and flinches when the other girl immediately takes a step back

“I’m fine, Clarke. I don’t have time for this now” green eyes avoid blue ones and she is about to turn around and leave when a hand wraps around her wrist

“Wait, I’ve got something for you” she pulls a folded piece of paper out of her bag, but Lexa takes another step back before she can hand it to her “Sorry, Clarke. I really don’t have time for this now”

Clarke watches the other girl rush back inside the building and her whole body turns cold. Did she already lose her before she actually had her? A tiny sob escapes her throat and she just wants to be as far away from the dining hall as possible now.

________________________________________________________________________________________

“Raven, how about we put it in a flask and attach it to your thigh underneath your dress?” Monty suggests with excitement while he cuts his apple into slices

Jasper eyes widen “Yes! Like bad ass tomb raider, only with a flask instead of a gun!”

“Guys” Octavia shakes her head and almost growls at the two boys “If you want to spike the punch fine. But keep my girlfriend out of it! You’re not going to ruin this dance for me by getting Raven busted!” she protectively puts an arm around the girl’s shoulder but smiles when she sees Monty and Jasper surrendering like two submissive puppies

“Fine” Jasper mutters “I guess we can find another way to get the moonshine into the gym”

Lexa stops paying attention to their conversation. They talk about the winter formal and she doesn’t want to think about it. It’s not like she is going anyway. She is picking at her chicken parmesan, but drops her fork with a grunt when she hears Octavia talking about dress shopping. The brunette just wants to blind out the noises so she digs into her backpack until she finds her phone and her headphones. There isn’t a big selection of songs on the device, but since she broke her MP3 player over the country song she doesn’t have a choice. She is about to hit play when she is startle by the phone buzzing in her hand. Lexa thinks about ignoring it but opts against it. Opening the text message she gasps at what she sees and just stares at the screen with wide eyes. The text says

_“I don’t know what I did wrong and it’s obvious that you don’t want to see me, but I made this yesterday and I thought I’d give it to you anyway”_

There is a photo of a drawing underneath the message. A perfect drawing of Lexa and Clarke. They are standing outside of the academy, facing each other, and Clarke is holding up a sign that says “Winter formal?”. Lexa is looking at the sign with wide eyes and tiny hearts are surrounding both of their heads.

“Oh fuck” Lexa blurts out a little bit too loud since all of her friends are staring at her with a questioning look in their eyes. The brunette ignores them and just grabs her stuff before she rushes out of the dining hall.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke is sitting in a hallway on the third floor with her back against the wall and her knees tugged underneath her chin. She just finished a granola bar from the vending machine, but her stomach is still rumbling loudly. She couldn’t go to lunch. She didn’t want to sit there and pretend to be fine when Lexa won’t even look at her. The blonde closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Does she even want to attend the winter formal now? Without a date? Maybe she should go with Bellamy after all…

She must have dozed off since the buzzing of her phone rips her out of her slumber. She grabs her phone from the pocket of her hoodie and holds her breath when she sees Lexa’s name on the screen. Her heart starts to beat faster but she hesitates. Her finger hovers over the message icon and she tensely bites the inside of her cheek when she finally opens the text.

Her jaw drops and her eyes widen when she sees it. It’s a drawing. Well, technically it’s two drawings since there is Clarke’s drawing and then another drawing underneath it. It shows almost the same scene. Two girls standing outside facing each other. These girls, though, are just stick figures drawn on a napkin, but it’s obvious that they are supposed to be Lexa and Clarke. Unlike in the other drawing, Clarke isn’t the one holding up a sign. Lexa is. A big sign that simply says “YES” with lots of exclamation points. The hearts are not only floating around the girl’s heads, but are also in Lexa’s eyes.

Clarke can feel her eyes tear up and only stops staring at the screen when someone clears their throat. She looks up and looks into green eyes. Without giving herself time to think she quickly stands up and almost tackles the other girl to the ground when she wraps her arms around her in a tight embrace. She can hear a low chuckle before strong arms hug her back.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke” Lexa pulls away to look the blonde in the eyes “I…I overheard you talking to Bellamy and you told him that you already had a date. Since we never talked about it I just assumed…well you never said anything about not dating other people so”

“You thought that I was talking about someone else?” the brunette nods and is confused when Clarke rolls her eyes “You’re an idiot, you know that right? Do you really think I would take you on a date and kiss you against the academy’s wall and then just go with someone else? ”

Lexa shrugs and shyly averts her gaze “Sorry. I’m new to this. I’m not used to anyone actually wanting to be with me”

“Well newsflash Sexy Lexy. I want to be with you. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I want you.” she pulls Lexa into another hug and buries her face into her neck “Ok?”

“Ok” the other girl whisper and almost melts when Clarke presses a kiss against her jaw

_________________________________________________________________________________________

“What about this one, Clarkey?” Octavia pushes the curtains away and steps out of the little changing cubicle. It’s Thursday afternoon and the two roommates are in a little boutique in town which to Clarke’s surprise actually has quite a big selection of formal dresses.

“Hmm…no I think I liked the other one better” Clarke shakes her head while Octavia tries to moonwalk in a fluffy purple dress. The latter shrugs and walks back into the cubicle, giving the blonde some time to look around. She wants to look good for Lexa, but she has no idea what the brunette might like. She grabs a pink dress but quickly puts it back. That’s not the one. Remembering their answers during their game of 21 questions, she walks towards the selection of blue dresses and starts to flip though the gowns. She can hear Tavia singing behind the curtain and giggles, however, her laugh quickly transforms into a cough when she catches the glare of the saleswoman. Octavia stumbles out of the changing cubicle in a black dress, but Clarke is too distracted by the last dress on the clothing rack. It’s midnight blue and strapless. The top part is heart shaped and has little golden rhinestones on it, while the bottom part is wide and probably ends somewhere above the knee. She grabs the dress and walks to the back of the store.

“Wow, O! You look amazing!” she comes to a stop in front of her roommate and admires the brunette who is wearing a black and white dress that has a similar shape as the blue one. While the upper part is black with a white baroque like flower pattern on it, the skirt is just black organza. A black bow separates both parts.

“Yes! I look hot!” Octavia makes a little happy dance and Clarke squeezes past her to try on the blue dress.

“Sooo” Octavia drags out the word and the blonde grunts because she knows what is about to happen “Are you going to tell me about your mystery date or what?”

“Nope” Clarke answers from inside the cubicle, emphasis on the “p”

“Come on, Clarkey! Why not? Is it someone I know? Is it someone weird?” the blonde can almost see the other girl’s puppy eyes through the curtain and huffs when she pushes the fabric away “I’m not going to tell you so stop asking and tell me what you think about my dress” she watches herself in the mirror and twirls around in a circle, watching the skirt floating with the motion

“That’s perfect! It goes really great with your eyes, seriously you should always wear blue” she gives Clarke two thumbs up and both girls quickly change out of their dresses since they have to hit the shoe store next

__________________________________________________________________________________________

The next days pass by in a flurry of classes and exams and Clarke barely gets to see Lexa. They only manage to meet twice on the weekend since they have group projects they have to work on. It’s frustrating for both of them but at least they have the winter formal to look forward to.

It’s Tuesday night and Clarke was already asleep when the buzzing phone under her pillow wakes her up. She blinks into the darkness of the room and lazily unlocks the screen. The bright light is blinding her and it takes her a few seconds to actually make out the message

 **cookie monster:** meet me outside by the main entrance in 10 minutes. Wear something warm!

Clarke looks at the numbers in the upper corner of her phone and frowns in confusion when they tell her that it’s 1:12am. She really doesn’t want to leave her cozy warm bed, but it’s Lexa and that’s reason enough for her to push her covers back and tiptoe towards her wardrobe. Octavia snores on the other side of the room while the blonde quickly slips into her jeans, hoodie, winter boots and duffle coat. She grabs a fluffy scarf and beanie and leaves the room.

Clarke tries to be as quiet as possible when she walks down the big wooden staircase since they aren’t exactly allowed to be outside after 11. She looks around when she reaches the main entrance, but Lexa is nowhere to be seen, so she pushes the door open and steps outside.

The door closes behind her and her breath catches in her throat. She has never seen anything that beautiful. Lexa is standing a few feet away from her. She is wearing a dark green coat and a white beanie and has a big smile on her face while her gaze is directed to the sky. It’s snowing. Big fluffy snowflakes are falling from the sky and land in the brunette’s curls and her outstretched hands. As soft white blanket is already covering the ground.

Clarke walks down the steps and their eyes meet

“Hey” Lexa looks at her with a wide grin “I hope you’re not mad at me for waking you up. I just wanted to share this with you”

“I’m not, trust me! It’s amazing, Lex” she lifts her hand and gently wipes a snowflake form the brunette’s nose before turning around and sitting down on a bench

Instead of joining the blonde, though, Lexa’s gaze returns to the sky and Clarke watches the girl closing her eyes and twirling in circles. She looks like a little girl that experiences snow for the first time and it’s adorable. Clarke’s heart swells when the green-eyed angel slowly sways through the winter wonderland and she can’t take her eyes off her.

When Lexa finally opens her eyes and catches the blonde staring at her she shyly walks towards the bench and bites her lips when she looks down. Clarke stands up which leaves barely any space between them, their noses almost touching. She doesn’t waste any time before pulling Lexa in for a kiss. She tastes like mint and smells like cinnamon, and Clarke can’t imagine kissing anyone else ever again. After a few blissful minutes of kissing they entwine their hands and walk back towards the entrance

“So, about the winter formal” Clarke stops in front of the big door and faces Lexa “the others are obviously going to know about this…us …as soon as we walk in together. Are you ok with that? Or do you want to tell them beforehand? Or not tell them at all and tell them we are just friends? I don’t know what you want…” she nervously glances at the brunette and is relieved to see a smile on her face

“I know that they are going to know. And I want them to know. I…I might be a little scared thinking about how they’ll react, but…I want them to know that you’re my date. I’m proud of being your date…” she shrugs but lets out a content sigh when Clarke wraps her arms around her

“Don’t worry, it’s going to be fine. I won’t leave your side”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“OH MY GOOD! Clarke, I’m sooo exited” Octavia bounces through their room while Clarke watches her from the armchair

“Yeah” she giggles “I can see that”

“What if someone else has the same dress? What if Raven’s and my dress look hideous together? What if…”

Clarke interrupts her roommate with a loud groan and throws a pillow towards her “Stop it, you’re making me crazy! Plus, you’re dress is black and white so unless Raven is wearing a clown’s costume you’re going to look fine together”

“But…” Octavia is just about to object when she is interrupted once again, though, this time by someone knocking at the door. The brunette straightens her dress and nervously turns the knob.

Raven is standing in front of her with a smirk on her face and Octavia just takes a minute to let her eyes wander up and down her body. She is wearing an emerald dress that ends mid thigh and has her hair up in a bun with a few loose strands framing her face. Her girlfriend’s jaw is still on the floor when Raven takes a step towards her and reaches for her hand. She ties a beautiful white flower corsage around her wrist and just shouts a “see you later, princess” into the room before she drags Octavia down the hall

____________________________________________________________________________________

It’s 7:50 and her hands are sweating. She is only seconds away from seeing Lexa and the closer she gets to their meeting point, the faster her heart starts to beat. Clarke hurries down the corridor and stops in front of the gym; slowly turning around in a circle looking for the brunette. Just when she thinks that the other girl isn’t there yet, Lexa steps out of a shadow and Clarke’s jaw goes slack. Holy shit. Lexa is always beautiful. Even in a simple hoodie and sweatpants. But the Lexa that is shyly standing in front of her right now is not beautiful. She is breathtaking!

The blonde takes a few tentative steps towards her and a shaky breath escapes her throat while her eyes roam up and down the girl’s body. Lexa’s dress is short like Clarke’s and has a similar floating skirt, though it’s not strapless. It’s in a dark red color with lots of silver rhinestones covering the upper part. Her brown curls are draped over one shoulder, exposing her lean neck and it takes all of Clarke’s willpower not to jump her and press her lips against it.

“You look…wow” the blonde shakes her head and bites into her bottom lip while she reaches for Lexa’s hand

“Thanks” the brunette looks at her through long lashes and her eyes widen when Clarke slips a little flower corsage around her wrist. Their eyes lock and Clarke notices that the other girl is shaking a little

“Hey” she steps closer and entwines their hands “it’s going to be fine, I promise” she kisses the tip of her nose and gently tugs her towards the entrance of the gym. She rests her hand on the big doorknob and shoots Lexa a questioning glance. The brunette takes a deep breath but nods, whereupon they enter the lion’s pit. There’s no looking back now.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

After scanning the crowd, Clarke pulls Lexa through the mass of dancing bodies towards the left side of the gym where their group of friends is standing around a little bar table. The blonde can feel the moment Octavia spots them and sighs when she sees her roommate’s eyes getting wider and wider while she apparently shrieks and gets the attention of the rest of the group. They all follow the brunette’s line of sight and Clarke mentally prepares herself for an explosion. She guides Lexa the last few steps towards the table and squeezes her hand

“OH MY GOD!! Is this really happening? Tell me this is happening? OH GOD! You and Lexa? How? When? What?...” Octavia is jumping up and down like a chicken on crack and looks like she is about to have a heart attack. Raven places her hand over her girlfriend’s mouth only to pick up where she left “YEAH, what she said! When did this happen? Lex!! I didn’t even know you’re into girls…”

“Uhmm…” Lexa tries to find words but is immediately interrupted by the others who are now all excitedly taking all at once

“GUYS! That’s enough!” Clarke glares at her friends which finally makes them shut up for a moment “yes I’m here with Lexa and we intent to enjoy this evening. So deal with it. And now excuse me while I’ll dance with my beautiful date” she turns around and gives Lexa her cutest smile before moving towards the dance floor. She can feel the eyes of their friends in her back, following their every move, but she doesn’t care. All she wants to do is dance with the girl in the red dress.

An old Britney song just ends and the first lines of MKTO’s _Classic_ fill the gym when Clarke finds them a spot in the crowd and starts to move to the beat. She loves to dance and she knows that she is a pretty decent dancer, Lexa however seems to feel a bit uncertain about this situation. The brunette smiles at her while shyly stepping from one foot to another, and Clarke immediately feels the need to make her as comfortable as possible. She grabs both of Lexa’s hands and starts to swing them between their bodies, making some goofy facial expressions and singing along to the song. When she notices the brunette loosen up a little she lets go of one hand to twirl her around and her heart skips a beat when she watches how the other girl giggles and slowly begins to enjoy herself. They dance and forget the world around them.

Both girls jump a little when someone taps Lexa on the shoulder and notice with surprise that all of their friends have joined them on the dance floor. Octavia laughs her ass off over Ravens 80’s disco moves, Jasper just keeps staring at Maya, Monty and Miller do the robot, and Bellamy and Anya pretend to no enjoy each other’s company. But they clearly do. When Clarke looks for Murphy she laughs when she spots him hitting on a young substitute teacher. She can still feel them looking at her and Lexa, but Lexa doesn’t seem to notice. She happily sways to the beat and her green eyes stay locked with Clarke’s most of the time.

When David Guetta's _Titanium_  comes to an end the atmosphere in the gym suddenly changes when a slow song starts to play

____________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke steps closer and warps her arms around her waist, pulling her forward until their bodies are flush against each other. Lexa raises her shaky hands to put them in the blonde’s neck and buries her face into her curls while Clarke whispers the words of the song into her ear

 _A drop in the ocean,_  
_A change in the weather,_  
_I was praying that you and me might end up together._  
_It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,_  
_But I'm holding you closer than most,_  
_'Cause you are my heaven_.

The blonde princess holds her and sings for her and Lexa feels warmth spreading through her whole body. She could stay like this forever. She loves the intoxicating feeling of Clarke’s skin on hers and her breath against her ear. She loves Clarke. Lexa inhales deeply, immediately feeling dizzy when the other girl’s perfume streams through her nostrils and that’s when it hits her. Now is the moment. She doesn’t want to stay in limbo anymore. Now is the moment to pee on the blonde’s leg. Now is the moment to make her hers.

She lifts her head just a little bit so her mouth is next to Clarke’s ear and whispers “Clarke”

The blonde just hums in response and the vibration sends chills up and down her spine

“Do you…do you want to be my girlfriend?” she can hear Clarke’s sharp intake of breath and tenses for a second, but then Clarke turns her head to look her in the eyes and Lexa melts when she sees the look on her face. Hearteyes. The blonde looks at her with so much love and adoration in her eyes that Lexa can feel her legs get wobbly. Clarke gives her an enthusiastic nod and the brunette can’t stop the smile from forming on her face.

They just stare into each other’s eyes for a moment and keep swaying slowly even though the music changed back to an upbeat song. Clarke’s eyes dart to her lips and back into her eyes and Lexa is so ready for what is going to happen next. The other girl lifts her hand and gently cups Lexa’s cheek before pulling her into a soft kiss. They can hear the others whooping and whistling, but they don’t care. Clarke is her girlfriend and that’s all that matters to Lexa right now.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the second part of the winter formal will be in the next chapter since this is almost at 5K already ;)
> 
> leave me a comment if you like it, or even if you don't. I'm always happy to read your feedback ! 
> 
> and sorry again for any mistakes , English is not my first language


	18. The one in which Lexa growls...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so long to update this time, I have lots of stuff to do for Uni right know
> 
> this chapter is a bit shorter than the last few, hope you like it anyway ! 
> 
> my English sucks, I don't have a beta and it's 3:30 in the morning again, so sorry for any mistakes :p

Lexa carefully fills two plastic cups with punch and is about to head back to where Clarke is waiting for her at a table when she sees Raven walking towards her with a smirk on her face

“Well well, if it isn’t my secretive little roommate” she stops in front of Lexa and grabs one of the cups, taking a big sip of the (thanks to Jasper) alcoholic liquid “after so many years of friendship and being your roommate I thought that I know everything about you. BOY was I wrong!” she shakes her head and looks at her roommate who just shrugs and nervously steps from one food to another

“Well…I mean…I didn’t…” Lexa can’t seem to form a full sentence. Even though she knows Raven pretty well, she can’t read her face right now. Is she mad? Mad that Lexa didn’t tell her? Mad that she is with Clarke? She searches the other girl’s face for any signs of disapproval or anger, but she can just see a smirk. A confused smirk, but a smirk.

“Relax, Sexy Lexy! I’m not judging you I’m just surprised! I thought you and Clarke can barely count as acquaintances and here you are holding hands and kissing. I didn’t even know you were into girl, why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“Because…because I didn’t know. And I’m still not sure that I’m into girls” Raven is about to interrupt but Lexa quickly finishes her sentence “I think I’m maybe just into Clarke. I never thought about other girls like that…well not about boys either, but…I don’t know…” she nibbles on her bottom lip and turns around to fill another cup of punch for Clarke.

 She almost spills some of the red liquid when Raven puts her arms around her for a big hug “I’m happy for you, Lex. I have to get used to it, but you make a really hot couple” she steps back and winks at the other brunette before she walks towards their table

Lexa takes a deep breath and balances the two cups through the crowd, following Raven

______________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, Clarke is sitting at their table about 20 feet away and watches as Raven approaches her girlfriend, obviously making her nervous. The blonde immediately feels the urge to get up and hold her hand for support, but is interrupted by her own roommate

“Hey Clarkey” she takes the seat next to her and wraps one arm around her shoulder “what are we looking at?” she follows Clarke’s gaze and chuckles when she sees her girlfriend cornering a fidgeting Lexa “don’t worry, Raven won’t eat her. She loves Lex”

“Yeah I know…I just don’t want her to say something that scares Lexa off or makes her question this…us. “ she furrows her brows and tries to read Lexa’s lips from afar, but she has no idea what they are saying

“You’re afraid she is going to run?” Clarke nods and looks at Octavia “I don’t think you have to be. Sure, it’s normal to be scared once you actually have something or someone to lose, but I know Lexa. I’ve never seen her like that. I’ve never even seen her showing any interest in someone. It’s a big deal for her to be here with you” she squeezes her roommate’s hand and is happy to see a little smile on the blonde’s face

“You think so?” Clarke watches as Lexa grabs another cup to fill it with punch

“Yes I do” Octavia gives her an assuring smile “And since you two obviously don’t mind spending time together, do you think you can switch rooms with Raven for tonight?” she blushes a little but still manages her best puppy eyes

Clarke chuckles at the dork next to her “You want to have some sexy times with Raven?” she wiggles her eyebrows and earns a playful punch from Octavia “Hey! Well I don’t mind, but let me ask Lexa first, ok?”

“Like she would ever say no to that, tss” she shakes her head and laughs “She looks at you like a lovesick raccoon” with that the brunette turns around to kiss her girlfriend who just sat down next to her on the bench

_______________________________________________________________________________

When Lexa approaches the table she notices two things. 1:Clarke is watching her every move. 2:There is no space on the bench to sit since all of her friends are already jammed together on the limited seats. She hands Clarke the cup of punch and looks for a place to sit, feeling awkward being the only one standing up. Before she can do something like sit on the floor, small hands warp around her waist and pull her into a sitting position. Lexa holds her breath and blinks, needing a few seconds to understand that she is actually sitting on Clarke’s lap and that the other girl still has a firm grip on her waist. She is just starting to relax a little and lean back when she feels Clarke’s hands move around her body until they stop over her stomach.  Warm palms press against her dress and she can’t withhold a shudder from running through her body.

Lexa meets Monty’s gaze from across the table and blushes when she sees the knowing smirk on the boy’s face. She quickly busies herself with watching her other friends but doesn’t really listen to their conversations. She can only think about Clarke, smell Clarke, feel Clarke.

She must have dozed off because she doesn’t notice her girlfriend moving underneath her until the blonde whispers into her ear

“Hey” Lexa jumps a little and is thankful that Clarke can’t see her face right now since her eyes widen when she feels the blonde’s breast pressed against her back. Clarke chuckles and keeps talking “Octavia asked me if I can switch rooms with Raven for tonight and I told her that I have to ask you first. So… is it ok if I sleep over?”

Lexa’s heat starts to speed up, stopping her from answering right away and Clarke seems to take it as hesitation since she quickly tries to assure the brunette “With sleeping over I really mean just sleeping over. Ok? I’m doing this for O and Raven. Well, I really like spending time with you obviously, but we can just sleep, ok?”

Lexa can feel how tense the arms around her waist are so she places one of her hands over Clarke’s.“Ok” she whispers back.

 _______________________________________________________________________________

Two hours later, Lexa is lying under her big fluffy covers. Her feet hurt from dancing in high heels and her head feels heavy from the spiked punch. She rolls to her side just in time to see the bathroom door open and Clarke stepping through the threshold. The blonde is only wearing an oversized flannel pajama shirt which ends mid thigh. Their eyes meet from across the room and Lexa holds her breath in anticipation. However, the brunette’s wide eyes transform into a frown when Clarke stops just after taking a few steps and takes a look around while tugging her shirt down. She watches as the blonde shoots her a quick glance before climbing into Raven’s empty bed and pulling the covers up to her chest. 

\------

Clarke tries to wrap her cold feet in the blanket and pushes a few strands of hair out of her face before she lies on her side to face Lexa. Looking at her, she tries to read the brunette’s face, but it’s not so easy when the other girl’s facial expressions seem to change every few seconds. Confusion? Disappointment? Is she just tired? Clarke wants to ask but she doesn’t.

“Goodnight, Lex” she just whispers, smiles at her girlfriend and reaches for the nightstand to turn off the light

A soft “Goodnight” comes from the other side of the room and there is something in that voice that makes Clarke want to jump out of her bed and just hold the other girl, but she can’t. Just a few hours earlier she told Lexa that all they have to do is sleep and Lexa said “ok”. She can’t push her. She can’t make the first step. Sure, they’ve slept in the same bed before and they cuddled, but this is different. They are a couple now, they are more now, and Clarke doesn’t want the brunette to think that they automatically have to DO more now too. At least not yet. She tosses and turns for 10 minutes and stares at the ceiling, trying to think of anything else but the beautiful girl that is lying just 5 feet away. She is in the middle of her second attempt of counting sheep when Lexa’s voice suddenly breaks the awkward silence in the dorm room

“Clarke?...Are you asleep?” Clarke bites her lip and the sheep are long forgotten when she answers with a soft “No”. There is no response, just silence, but there doesn’t have to be a response. The blonde could feel the hope in her girlfriend’s question and that’s all she needs.

She pushes her covers back and shivers a little when the cold air hits her naked legs. She can see Lexa’s green eyes sparkling in the moonlight that comes through the window and quickly closes the distance between the two beds. The brunette scoots over and she climbs into the newly created space, facing her.

 Lexa lets out a shaky breath and they just look at each other. They look at each other for what seems like hours and Clarke finds herself under the spell of the green-eyed beauty. She blinks when their eye contact suddenly breaks and it takes her a few seconds to realize that Lexa is glancing at her lips instead. The corners of her mouth twitch a little when their eyes meet again and she slowly leans forward to connect their lips in a gentle kiss.

The brunette sighs into her mouth and Clarke pulls back with a grin on her face, only to be stopped mid way by a hand that is pushed into her blonde curls. Lexa reconnects their lips without opening her eyes and Clarke frees her hand from underneath the covers to cup the girl’s face. She gently strokes her thumb over Lexa jaw and tilts her head a little, changing the angle and deepening the kiss. She can feel a shaking hand on her hip that pulls her a bit closer and she can’t stop her tongue from darting out and licking over Lexa’s bottom lip. The brunette doesn’t hesitate before granting her access and lets out a soft moan when their tongues connect which goes directly to Clarke’s core. The blonde can feel the heat in her stomach rising with every stroke of girlfriend’s tongue and she knows she has to stop before her brain stops to function. She gently starts to slow the kiss down and finally pulls back. Both girls are breathing heavily and Lexa’s eyes are still closed while her swollen lips are parted. Clarke leans in, but only to gently peck the girl on the nose. She pulls the brunette’s body closer and buries her face in the wild curls at her neck.

“Goodnight, Lexa”

“Reshop, Klark”

________________________________________________________________________________

It’s everywhere around her. It streams down her throat and enters her ears. It’s cold and cloudy and she can’t see anything.

“Clarke…”

She can’t breathe.

“Clarke!”

Her lungs are filled with low fat milk and she is drowning.

“Clarke, please wake up!”

The blonde wakes up gasping for air and sits up in the bed, panting and shaking.

“Clarke…It’s ok. It’s just a dream”

Clarke blinks a few times and tries to focus on her surroundings. She didn’t die. She is sitting in Lexa’s bed. It was just a dream. No not a dream. A nightmare mixed with a memory. She turns her head and looks into worried green eyes

“Hey, you’re ok” Lexa gently tugs a strand of sweaty blonde hair behind her ear “You’re ok. I’m here…” she wipes a tear from Clarke’s cheek. The girl wasn’t even aware that she is crying. Taking a shaky breath, Clarke lies down again and wraps her arm around her girlfriend’s waist. She can’t stop crying. She had the same dream for months now, but she never gets used to how it makes her feel.

She has been crying for a while in Lexa’s arms when something suddenly makes her eyes widen, stopping the next sob before it leaves her throat. So many different emotions are floating through her at the same time. How does she now? She presses a kiss against the brunette’s shoulder and tries to slow her breathing while listening to the soft tunes coming from the phone

  
_There is a castle on a cloud,_  
_I like to go there in my sleep,_  
_Aren't any floors for me to sweep,_  
_Not in my castle on a cloud._

Lexa softly starts to hum the melody and Clarke doesn’t know how it’s possible to feel so sad and so happy at the same time.

 _There is a room that's full of toys._  
_There are a hundred boys and girls._  
_Nobody shouts or talks too loud,_  
_Not in my castle on a cloud._

Lexa plays the song on repeat until Clarke’s breathing has normalized and her tears have stopped. The blonde pushes herself up on one elbow and pulls her girlfriend in for a meaningful kiss

“Thank you” she whispers before sliding back into her previous position with her head on Lexa’s shoulder and her arms tightly wrapped around her waist, not allowing any space between them

________________________________________________________________________________

They have been lying there for another 1,5 hours when their cuddling session is suddenly interrupted by Clarke’s phone beeping on the nightstand. The blonde reluctantly frees herself from Lexa’ s arms and reaches for the device, reading the new text message.

“It’s from Raven. She asks if it’s safe to come back” Clarke chuckles and questioningly looks at the other girl

“Do we have to move when she comes back?” Lexa tilts her head and the most adorable pout appears on her face

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying as long as you want me to stay”

“Ok fine. I guess she can come back then” the brunette quickly drops a kiss on the tip of her nose and Clarke types a reply into her phone

Raven must have been nearby when she sent her text since there is a knock on the door only two minutes later. However, when the door opens it reveals more than just the sassy brunette. She walks into the room followed not only by Octavia, but also by Bellamy, Monty, Jasper, and Miller.

The group collectively smirks at the sight of the two girls pressed together in bed and of the very flustered looking Lexa.

“Raven!” Clarke sits up but doesn’t put any distance between them “Your text didn’t say anything about the whole damn group walking in here!”

“Sorry but it’s just so fun seeing you all embarrassed” the brown-eyed girl grins “besides, be glad that I sent you the text! Who knows what we would have interrupted otherwise” she ignores Clarke’s death glare and sits down on her bed

“Sorry Clarke” Octavia apologetically smiles at her roommate “we do have a reason to all be here though” she nods at Miller and Bellamy who are still standing in the half open door and Clarke frowns when she watches the two boys disappear into the hallway, only to come back seconds later carrying a big object wrapped in purple and red paper.

“We know it’s a few weeks late, but first we didn’t know about your birthday and then the delivery took ages” Bellamy explains while he and Miller stop in front of Lexa’s bed

Clarke has the surprise written all over her face when she looks at her friends with wide eyes. She jumps out of the bed and stops in front of the big wrapped thingy.  Miller gives her a nod telling her to open it so the blonde carefully starts to peel the paper off. Her breath catches in her throat when she tugs the last piece of paper away and the object underneath is revealed. It’s an easel. A beautiful wooden easel and a few blank canvases in different sizes. She hugs Miller and Bellamy with tears in her eyes and quickly moves on to thank the rest of her friends

“Thank you so much, guys. You’re the best!” she runs her fingers over the smooth wooden surface of the easel and is only pulled out of her daydream when she hears a deep growl.

Every head in the room turns towards Lexa and when they follow her line of sight laughter fills the dorm, knowing exactly what got the girl so mad. Bellamy obviously had noticed Clarke’s lack of pants and was starring at the blonde’s naked legs. Clarke pulls her pajama shirt down and Raven shakes her head and chuckles while watching three equally embarrassed  people.

___________________________________________________________________________________

It’s Sunday evening and the whole group met up at the library to study for exams and work on different projects. Lexa is sitting in the windowsill with her biology textbook in her lap and her earphones on. She tries to concentrates on the text, but constantly catcher herself thinking about other stuff instead. Giving up, the brunette sighs and closes the book. It’s not like she needs to read the chapter yet anyway. Lexa is always doing her homework the day she gets it from the teacher and is often ahead of schedule when it comes to prepare for the next lessons. She really doesn’t need to read the text now so she gets herself in a more comfortable position and alternates between watching the snow fall and watching her friends. Jasper and Raven are sitting at a round table, working on a power point presentation for Spanish class, Octavia is walking through the huge bookshelves in search of a poetry collection, and Monty seems to be sleeping with his head on a table. And then there is Clarke. The blue-eyed girl is sitting in an old armchair, legs hanging over the armrest. She is going through her chemistry notes with a marker in her hand, chewing on the lid. Her hair is up in a messy ponytail with half of it already fallen out.

Lexa doesn’t look out of the window anymore. Once she allowed herself to look at Clarke for more than a few seconds she is stuck. She lets her eyes roam over the girl’s curves and almost feels like being caught when a certain song so fittingly starts to play on her phone

 _Can't keep my hands to myself_  
_No matter how hard I'm trying to_  
_I want you all to myself_  
_Your metaphorical gin and juice_  
  
_So come on, give me a taste_  
_Of what it's like to be next to you_  
_Won't let one drop go to waste_  
_Your metaphorical gin and juice…_

Her eyes stop at her girlfriend’s lips and she bites her own lip when she watches her playing with the lid between her teeth, rolling it between her rosy lips and pushing it to the side with her tongue.

 _… The doctors say you're no good_  
_But people say what they wanna say_  
_And you should know if I could_  
_I'd breathe you in every single day_

Heat starts to rise in her body and she has to suppress the urge to jump the girl here and now. She wants Clarke. She wants more than just kiss her. She wants everything and it scares her shitless. She watches how Clarke stretches and lifts her arms, revealing a strip of naked skin where her shirt has ridden up and she has to look away.

_Can't keep my hands to myself  
I mean, I could but why would I want to?_

“Why would I want to?” Lexa mumbles to herself, but she knows the answer. She is not ready yet. Her body may be thirsting for the blonde, but her mind is not there yet. She hopes that her princess will wait for her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave me some comments if you like it or even if you don't ! 
> 
> (Do you guys have a Clexa fan fic playlist too? Whenever I come across a song that I like in one of the stories here I add it to my playlist and if someone were to see it they would probably think it's the weirdest thing ever since there is literally everything from rock to country and rap on it, but for me all of these songs fit together perfectly since each represents a little piece of Clexa :) This playlist is all I listen to right now, since I still can't bring myself to listen to my beloved Jamie Brown songs or the grounder anthem after the-event-that-must-not-be-named ...)


	19. The one in which Raven doesn't know how to lock a door...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot shorter than usual, but it's just a transition chapter and the next one will probably be pretty long ;) 
> 
> Thanks for all the great comments I got so far, you guys are awesome! When I started writing this I never thought that anyone would actually enjoy it ^^

Two weeks have passed by since the formal . Two weeks in which they were all busy with their last exams before the long- awaited Christmas break. Even though they have another 10 days of school left, the whole academy is basically already in Christmas-mode and even Lexa lets herself relax a little more. She did excellent in every exam, but she doesn’t really care. Not for herself anyway. She only cares because her parents demand a monthly update on her grades from the academy and she doesn’t want to know what happens if they are anything but perfect.

“Lex? Alexandria Woods!” the brunette jumps a little when she gets pulled out of her daydream by her roommate who is poking her arm with a fork “Where did you just go to?”

“Sorry I dozed off a little” she sits up straight, her head leaving its previous position on Clarke’s shoulder

Raven pushes a piece of paper towards her “It’s ok we just wanted to know if you want in on our little bet on Bell and Anya here. I say 10 bucks they already did the do but are also secretly holding hands and all this sappy stuff, Jasper says they haven’t even kissed, and Murphy is pretty sure Bell has already claw marks on his back and that he is basically Anya’s sex puppy. So, you want in?”

“Uhm, I think I’ll pass, thanks…” she clears her throat and hears a tiny giggle coming from Clarke. She playfully shoves her shoulder against the blonde, but grabs her hand under the table.

“Ok suit yourself” Raven pushes the piece of paper towards Miller who just smirks and writes his bet down “So, Ernie and Bert” she addresses the two boys at the end of the dining table “are we still on for New Year’s Eve?”

“Definitely!” Monty nods and the she gives him two thumbs up

“What’s happening on New Year’s?” Clarke asks while pealing her banana

“My family is spending the Christmas break in Florida and Jasper is joining us since his parents are still in Shanghai. Raven suggested that we meet up for New Year’s, she lives only an hour away from the house we rented”

“Cool” Clarke sighs “I wish I had something to look forward to. Two weeks may not ne long, but they sure are when you have to spend them with your mum and you don’t have anything to say to her” the blonde fiddles with the hem of her sweater and the group quickly changes the topic, noticing her change in mood.

Lexa doesn’t want to think about Christmas either. Apart from the two Christmas` she spent with Raven’s family she has celebrated the holiday at boarding school since she was 8. Well, if celebrating is the right word for it. Sure, there was a Christmas tree in the entrance hall and the kitchen staff always puts some extra effort into creating a festive meal. But a tree and some roast is not what Christmas is about.

 

_****Christmas 2005_

_Lexa bites her lip while walking around the crooked tree and suddenly her little face lights up. Standing on her tippytoes she reaches up to hang the wooden angel on an empty branch._

_“This looks great, Dria!” the little brunette turns around and beams at her grandmother, the only one using this nickname_

_“Do you think mummy will like my tree?” she wraps her arms around the woman’s waist and looks up into her warm eyes_

_“You’re parents will love it! Now come on and help me with the gingerbread house”_

_They spend the afternoon baking and singing along to Christmas carols from the radio, but Lexa is so giddy all the time that she can’t really concentrate. She hasn’t seen her parents in 5 month and can’t wait to tell her dad about her wobbly tooth and show her mum how well she can read “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”. By 6 pm her grandmother runs out of ideas to distract her and allows the exited child to wait outside in the snow with Fish. She watches them out of the kitchen window, laughing about the little dork and her dog rolling around in the white powder and only steps outside when a car comes up the driveway._

_Lexa stumbles towards the stopping vehicle and jumps up and down when the passenger door opens and her mother steps out wearing a fancy gown and high heels. The girl’s grandmother furrows her brows when she notices her daughter’s outfit and the crease between her eyes gets only deeper when she watches the interaction._

_“Mummy!” Lexa almost tackles the woman who takes a step back and brushes the snow of her dress with a displeased expression on her face instead of hugging her daughter back_

_“Alexandria! This is not acceptable behavior for a young lady! You’re ruining your mother’s dress!” she holds one arm out to create some safety distance between herself and the girl_

_Lexa’s face falls and her lip starts to tremble a little when she reaches for Fish for support. She watches how her mother opens her purse and takes out a folded piece of paper “Here” she hands it to her daughter “Buy yourself something nice” she awkwardly pets the girl’s head before she addresses the woman on the porch “Hello mother. Make sure to buy Alexandria something appropriate. We’re heading to the Christmas Gala at the Mayor’s, so unfortunately we can’t stay. But have a nice Christmas”._

_Rooted to the spot, Lexa watches her mother get back into the car and leave. Her father didn’t even get out of the car. She reaches for her wobbly tooth and the tears start running down her cheeks when she feels loving arms wrapping around her from behind.****_

 

She didn’t have a real Christmas since she was 8 and this one is not going to be an exception. She will watch _Home Alone_ with O and Bellamy, eat too much during dinner, and go collect her Christmas check from her parents at Mrs. Ground’s office. Same procedure as every year.

 _______________________________________________________________________________

 It’s Friday evening and Clarke is standing in the bathroom, brushing her blonde curls. Lexa just left her room after a best-of Veronica Mars marathon, and Clarke is way too awake to sleep yet so she decides to catch up on some of her favorite fan fiction stories. After putting on her fluffy socks she climbs under her covers and grabs her tablet pc from the nightstand. She is just about to start reading when someone knocks on the door. The blonde isn’t expecting anyone and sighs when she has to leave the warm bed again. She opens the door and her eyes widen a little

“Lex? What’s up? You just left, are you ok?” she notices the brunette’s flushed face and the distressed look in her eyes

“Yeah…uhm…can I just… stay a little longer” she stutters and won’t meet Clarke’s eyes

“Sure come on in” Clarke ushers her inside and pulls Lexa towards her bed since the girl seems to be in some state of shock and won’t move on her own “What happened?”she climbs under the covers again and tugs on the other girl’s arm until she is cuddled up on her lap. Lexa immediately hides her face in her blonde curls and Clarke can hear a soft “nothing”.

“You sure? You want to talk about it?” she can feel the brunette shaking her head and decides to give her some time. She pulls the covers up over both of their bodies and wraps one arm around Lexa while she scrolls through the story on her tablet with the free hand.

They stay like this for 10 minutes and the blonde notices how tense the other girl still feels in her arms. Just when she wants to ask her again what happened the door opens and Raven peeks inside.

Raven Reyes peeking into a room instead of just bursting in? Clarke knows that something is really wrong here. The brunette steps into the room, followed by a nervously fidgeting Octavia who immediately hides behind her girlfriend.

“O? Raven? What the fuck happened? What did you do to my girlfriend??!!”  Clarke watches Raven blush and feels Lexa holding on to her a little tighter while a soft whine is muffled by the blonde curls she is still pressing her face into

“Uhm…well…she might have seen something” Raven bites her lip and Octavia groans a little behind her

“Define _something_ ” Clarke demands and lets go of the tablet to stroke over brown curls instead

“Uhm…look we thought that she will stay here with you till at least midnight and I may have forgotten to lock the door”

“Yes because you’re an idiot!” Octavia mumbles against her back

“Raven” the blonde begins to run out of patience

“Fine! She walked in on us…well she kind of walked in on O… sitting on my face…”

Raven’s confession makes Clarke’s jaw go slack while the embarrassed whines of both of the hiding brunettes fill the room

“She …what?...and you didn’t think about locking the door before doing that ?” Clarke shakes her head “Ok get out! O sleep in Raven’s room or whatever, I don’t care!” she scowls at them and points at the door

“We’re really sorry, Lex” Octavia tries to apologize while they quickly slip out of the room

Once the door closes behind them Clarke takes a deep breath and turns her head to look at the brunette that still clings to her like a koala “Lex? They are gone. Are you ok?”

Lexa nods against her shoulder and slowly starts to move her head and peeks at Clarke through long lashes. “I’m sorry you walked in on that. I’d probably be traumatized too after witnessing THAT” she tries to lighten up the mood and smiles at her girlfriend. “You know we don’t have to do anything like that yet, right? We don’t have to do THAT ever if you don’t want to. Ok?”

Lexa lets out a shaky breath and relaxes a little in her embrace. “Ok” she whispers and Clarke drops a kiss on her forehead before getting back to her fan fiction.

5 minutes later she lets out a grunt that startles Lexa “God! Now I can’t get the picture out of my head and I haven’t even seen it! I don’t know how you’re not poking your eyes out right now” she shudders when imagining two of her best friends in this position and that actually earns her a little chuckle from the girl on her lap.

__________________________________________________________________________________

It takes Lexa 4 days to not cringe at the sight of Octavia and Raven. But after apologizing dozens of times and even baking her an Oreo cake things finally start to get back to normal and Lexa moves back into her room.

It’s Wednesday afternoon and Clarke and Lexa are walking through the winter wonderland surrounding the academy. Lexa enjoys the white powder with a sparkle in her eyes and Clarke just enjoys watching Lexa. After having a snowball fight they let themselves fall back into the soft snow breathing heavily with pink cheeks and little balls of ice on their mittens.

Catching their breath for a few minutes and just looking at the clouds floating by, Clarke turns her head and grins at the girl lying beside her “Do you wanna build a snowman?”

“Seriously?” Lexa laughs and rolls her eyes, but Clarke continues “Come on let’s go and play”. She winks at the brunette and sits up, starting to form a ball of snow. Lexa sighs, but gives in and jumps to her feet “Let me get a carrot from the kitchen”. Chuckling at her girlfriend’s beaming face she quickly hurries to the dining hall.

25 minutes later the two girl are proud parents of a slightly obese snowman called Linus and after taking numerous selfies with him, they decide to get back inside to warm up.

However, Clarke suddenly stops in front of the steps of the main entrance and confuses Lexa when she faces her and takes both of her hands.

“Clarke?”

The blonde just looks into the green eyes that make her heart flutter and takes a few deep breaths before she starts to speak. “Come home with me for Christmas” she blurts out and sees the surprise on Lexa’s face.

“What do you…how…what” the brunette stutters, a little overwhelmed by Clarke’ words

“Please. I don’t want to spend two weeks apart. I want you with me” she squeezes Lexa’s hands and takes a step towards her, their bodies now flushed together “Please, Lex”

“Isn’t it a bit late for that? You leave in 5 days. And don’t you have to ask your mum first?” the brunette really wants to say yes, but she doesn’t want to get her hopes up when it’s pretty unlikely that she can actually go home with Clarke

“Trust me, my mum isn’t in the position to say no to me. All we have to do is ask Mrs. Ground and book you a flight” Lexa can see the determination in those blue eyes and her heart starts beating faster at the thought of spending Christmas with the blonde “Ok. Let’s try”

Clarke lets out an exited shriek and pulls her in for a kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be Christmas in Boston ;) 
> 
> leave me a comment if you liked it and feel free to complain if you didn't ^^


	20. The one in which Lexa is eloping with Wells...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter yet ! I wrote this all in one session and there are probably lots of mistakes in there but I'm tired and I don't care right now ^^ 
> 
> So there is pretty much everything in this chapter: angst, fluff, smut (kinda), fun, jealousy, anger...
> 
> As you might have noticed, I love to include songs into my story ^^ So if you want to play it during the scene you should have Jason Derulo's "Want to want me" ready ;)

 “So this is Barbara, she can be quite sassy, and here we have Benjamin Franklin and the chubby little George. I named him after my first husband” Lexa stares at the pictures in front of her and really wishes she had some ibuprofen. She has one hour left, one more hour in hell. She leans forward in her seat and glances at the window seat across the aisle. Clarke is reading some magazine she bought at the airport while the man next to her minds his own business. Apparently, Lexa is the only one that has to suffer through endless stories during their flight. She really doesn’t mind talking to strangers, but cats? She feels the urge to hit her head against the little foldout table when Mrs. Greensburry tells the next story using a finger puppet she made out of Mr. Mistoffelees hair.

The hour felt like at least five and the brunette is exhausted when they finally make their way out of the plane. The cold Boston air hits them in the face when they take the steps down to the runway so they quickly hurry toward the building to claim their luggage.

“I hope your flight was better than mine” Clarke sighs while looking for her suitcase “the guy next to me kept scratching his head, it was driving me nuts” she faces Lexa who just glares back

“What?” the blonde asks, but instead of receiving an answer, something is shoved against her chest. She eyes the object and gives her girlfriend a confused look “What the hell is that?”

“THAT is a finger puppet made out of fucking cat hair. THAT is what my flight was like” Clarke shrieks and drops the puppet, but the disgusted expression on her face quickly turns into a grin when she sees the adorable pouting girl in front of her

“That’s not funny! She had 16 cats!! That’s 16 stories about balls of yarn, clicker training, and diarrhea in the laundry room!” Clarke is laughing so hard now that her rips hurt

“I hate you” Lexa grumbles and crosses her arms over her chest

“No you don’t” the blue eyed girl wipes a tear off her face and drops a kiss on her girlfriend’s lips “I’m sorry we couldn’t sit next to each other and I’m sorry you had to go through that…but have to admit it makes a pretty awesome story to tell” she grins at the still pissed brunette who just mumbles something in response.

5 minutes later they both have their suitcases and make their way out of the building.

Clarke’s mum is waiting for them at the car park and Lexa notices how tense the blonde suddenly gets when they walk towards the woman that is leaning against a black Audi. The green-eyed girl nervously walks a few steps behind Clarke and holds her breath when they come to a stop.

“Mum” the blonde just nods, her face free of any emotions

“Clarke” even though the woman is obviously trying, Lexa notices a flash of hurt in her brown eyes. When she finally looks away from her daughter a nice smile spreads over her face “and you must be Lexa. I’m glad to you could join us” she reaches towards Lexa and the girl meets her hand, trying not to shake too much

“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Griffin. Thank you for letting me stay at your house” Lexa politely greets Clarke’s mother with a shy smile

“Please, call me Abby. Now let’s get your stuff in the trunk and go home”

____________________________________________________________________________________

They spend most of the car ride in silence. Clarke turns the radio on to avoid any conversations with her mother before climbing in the backseat with Lexa. The latter stiffens a little when Clarke chooses the middle seat and drops her head on her shoulder, not sure how Abby reacts when seeing her daughter like this with another girl. However, when she catches the woman looking at them through the rearview-mirror she is relieved to see a knowing smirk on her face.

Even though they hit a little bit of traffic, it only takes them half an hour to the Griffin’s townhouse in Beacon Hill. Lexa grew up in a nice neighborhood and always had money, but she is still impressed by the beautiful brick house with red shutters.

Clarke lets out an annoyed huff when Abby insists on showing Lexa around the house, so the blonde just grabs their suitcases and carries them upstairs while her girlfriend gets the tour.

When Lexa enters Clarke’s room 10 minutes later, the blonde is spread out like a starfish on the bed and just stares at the ceiling.

“Hey” the brunette gets her attention and Clarke sits up

“Hey. Sorry I left you with my mum. I just can’t stand being near her for more than 30 minutes” she shrugs and puts her hand out for Lexa to take it and sit next to her

“It’s fine. She was really nice to me. She…uhm she asked me where I am going to sleep…well if she should set up the guest room or if I’ll stay here with you…” she chews on her bottom lip and looks at Clarke through long lashes

“Oh you’re definitely staying with me! Uhm I mean if you want to that is. My mum knows that you’re my girlfriend and she’s ok with us sharing a bed” reassuringly squeezing the other girl’s hand she drops back against the pillows

“Ok” Lexa smiles and hesitantly mimics Clarke’s position “maybe we should unpack”

“Yeah…maybe. But maybe we can do that later” with that, the blonde lies on her side to look into green eyes before closing the distance between them

_________________________________________________________________________

They stay in Clarke’s bed for nearly two hours, alternating between making out and talking until Abby calls from downstairs to tell them that dinner is ready.

It’s hard to tell which girl is less looking forward to sitting at that dinner table. Lexa literally has to drag Clarke down the stairs, afraid to make Abby wait, while not being happy to go their herself, afraid of the tense atmosphere between the two Griffins.

There is chicken, sweet potatoes, and broccoli and Lexa dugs her head in embarrassment when her stomach starts to growl at the sight of it. She hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast at the academy. While Clarke unenthusiastically pokes at her food, Abby does her best to make small talk with Lexa

“So Lexa, won’t your family miss you this Christmas? Are they away for work?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Lexa can see how Clarke stops mid movement, her fork pausing in front of her open mouth. Lexa clears her throat “ Uhm, no I think they are actually in Hartford this year. But I haven’t spent Christmas with them since I was 5, so I’m pretty sure they won’t miss me”

She can see the surprise in the older Griffin’s face and shrugs “It’s ok, it’s not like I miss them either. I probably never spent enough time with them to learn how to miss them. It’s always been this way”

“Well” Abby reaches her hand out and places it on the girl’s arm “I know someone who would certainly miss you if you weren’t here” she retrieves her hand and glances at her daughter “I’m glad you could join us”

“Thank you” the brunette blushes a little and takes Clarke’s hand under the table

___________________________________________________________________________

Clarke just starts to think that her mum has actually been pretty nice to Lexa during dinner and that she could maybe try talking to her more when she walks into her parents’ room to get an extra pillow. Every positive thought she had about her mum just seconds ago gets sucked out of her and replaced by anger

“MUM!!” her whole body is shaking when she slowly walks through the room

“Clarke?” her mum appears in the bedroom door, obviously out of breath from running up the stairs

“What did you do? WHERE is everything? Where is dad’s stuff?” the blonde clenches her fists next to her body while yelling at the woman in front of her

“I…we didn’t need it and…I thought it’s best when we don’t have to look at it all the time” she takes a tentative step towards her daughter but stops when the girl jumps away from her

“WE?? We didn’t need it? You mean you! You didn’t want to look at his stuff after what you did” a loud sob escapes her throat “I…I needed this stuff! You can just…you can’t” she shakes her head and runs past Abby towards her room where she smashes the door shut behind her

Abby is rooted to the place for a second before she lets out a shaky breath and picks up the pillow her daughter came in there for. Standing in front of Clarke’s room she can hear the desperate sobs. She knocks and is surprised when the door actually opens after a few seconds, but her shoulders drop when Lexa steps out of the room, her body blocking the view of the bed

“I’m sorry that you have to witness our mess, Lexa” she looks down at her hands and realizes that she is still clutching the pillow “Uhm, here this is for you”

“Thank you” the brunette doesn’t quite smile but takes the pillow from Abby’s hands “I will take care of Clarke Mrs. Griffin”

The woman nods “I know you will. Goodnight Lexa”

“Goodnight” Lexa slips back into the room and quickly joins Clarke who is still crying, rolled up into a tiny blonde ball on the big bed

“Hey it’s ok” she presses her front against the girl’s back, spooning her while wrapping one arm around her waist and holding her close “I’m sorry, Clarke. I’m here, ok? You can talk to me, but we can also just lie here. I won’t go anywhere” she drops a kiss against her shoulder and buries her face into the blonde curls

They stay like this for a while, Lexa comforting Clarke by just being there and holding her. When the sobs finally stop and transform into little sniffs, the blonde takes a shaky breath and interlaces her fingers with those of the hand that is still wrapped around her waist

“I don’t know if I can ever look at her again and just see my mum” she whispers into the quiet room and Lexa starts to draw soothing circles on the back of her hand “I look at her and I see the reason my dad isn’t here anymore. He was my best friend, you know? My mum has always been working a lot so I spent most of my time with him. We built forts in the woods, went rollerblading at night, or just spent an entire Sunday trying to create the perfect pancakes. He was always there and he always had my back. And he loved my art while mum never took it seriously.”

“He sounds like a great guy” Lexa gently runs the fingers of her free hand over the blond curls

“He was. It was…it was a Saturday night. My mum was expecting some important people for lunch the next day and she was really stressed out and wanted everything to be perfect. She suddenly started to panic and yell at us asking why we didn’t have any low fat milk. My dad told her that we had more than enough milk to have coffee with the whole neighborhood, but my mum more or less threw a fit like a 5 year old and told him how important the people were and that they had to get some low fat milk just in case. They had a fight, but my dad ended up storming out of the house to get the stupid milk from a gas station since most stores where already closed. He never made it back home. A drunk driver crashed into his car”

“I’m sorry, Clarke” Lexa doesn’t know how to comfort the other girl so she simply holds her a little closer, hoping that it helps. The blonde begins to shift in her arms and rolls over to lay her head on her girlfriend’s chest “thank you” she whispers and starts to trace the patterns on Lexa’s sweater with her finger.

“Let’s change into something more comfortable and just go to sleep, ok?” the brunette says while pressing a kiss on Clarke’ temple

“OK”

_________________________________________________________________________

The next morning Lexa wakes up to find Clarke already awake and watching her. The girl’s hair is messy, she has dark circles under her slightly puffy eyes, and she looks as if she is having some kind of inner monologue. Blue eyes just stare into green ones for a few minutes until Clarke finally breaks the silence

“You know that I didn’t bring you here to serve as some kind of buffer between my mum and I, right? You’re not here because I can’t stand being alone with her, even though your presence helps a lot. You’re here because I don’t want to spend two weeks without you. Because I would miss you so much, and because I want to lie underneath the Christmas tree with you and kiss you at midnight on New Year’s. You’re here because I really want to be with you”

Lexa doesn’t know what to say. She looks at Clarke with parted lips, her heart beating so loud she thinks she will get a tinnitus. She only notices that she started crying when a soft hand wipes the tears of her cheeks

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you” the blonde sounds pretty concerned

Lexa manages to shake her head and laughs before leaning forward and capturing pink lips for a gentle kiss “I’m not upset” she smiles when she pulls away “I’m just maybe a bit overwhelmed…but happy! Really happy”

“Yeah” a wide smile spreads on Clarke’s face “I’m really happy too. Now let’s get dressed and eat something. It’s already 11 and Wells is expecting us in two hours. He was actually really excited when I told him you were coming”

The two girls take quick showers in Clarke’s ensuite bathroom and an hour later they are sitting on the big couch in the living room, watching cartoons while eating cereal. Wells lives only 2 blocks away from the Griffins so they leave the house at 12:50.When Clarke told her earlier that not only Wells but also some other friends will be there Lexa  tried extra hart to find a nice outfit wanting  to make a good first impression. This is why she is now wearing grey jeans and a dark green oversized knitted pullover that shows some cleavage and makes her eyes pop. For the 10 minute walk she threw her red duffle coat on top and finished the outfit off with her white beanie and scarf.

Confident that she at least looks good, she is now pretty nervous to say something stupid and embarrass herself in front of Clarke’s friends. She doesn’t have time to think about it since her girlfriend is already knocking on Wells’ front door which swings open a few seconds later

“Griffin !!!” the boy wraps his arms around a giggling Clarke whose feet hover a few inches above the ground “Good to see you too, Wells”

He puts the girl back down and warmly smiles at Lexa who is nervously playing with her scarf and taken by surprise when Wells hugs her as well “Hey Lexa, I’m glad you’re joining us! And I’m really glad you finally decided to jump off that cliff” he winks at the brunette who can’t help but smile thinking about their first encounter

“What ? What cliff? What did I miss?” Clarke looks form her best friend to her girlfriend, but they both just give her a mysterious shrug and smile

“Maybe we will tell you later” Lexa smirks while Wells ushers them through the door

The sudden boost of confidence she got from Wells’ warm welcome immediately disappears again when they walk into the living room. There are 6 people in the room and every one of them is staring at her. Lexa is relieved when Clarke joins her and she quickly reaches for her hand for support

“Hey guys” the blonde greats everyone with a wide smile “this is Lexa, my girlfriend”. Lexa shyly waves and watches as they jump to their feet to hug Clarke and shake her hand while introducing themselves. There is Brody, Connor, Seth, Charlotte, and Tess. But the one that catches Lexa’s attention is Niylah. Though, not in a good way. She doesn’t like how the girl hugs Clarke for just a second to long and how it looks more intimate than with the others. She can’t stand her cocky smile and her stupidly perfect body.

They all settle down on the huge couches and catch up while Lexa just sits next to Clarke, happy to learn more about her life before the academy. The blonde’s friends are actually pretty great and really make an effort to include Lexa in their conversations when they switch to more general topics. She starts to relax and laughs at some embarrassing story Tess is telling her about Clarke when she gets distracted by a movement on the other side of the couch. Niylah is leaving her spot on the chair by the window and sits on the armrest of the couch, next to Clarke. Her stomach drops when she watches their playful banter and she can’t even hear what Tess is saying anyone more when the girl puts her hand on Clarke’s arm and throws her head back in laughter.

She asks Tess for direction to the bathroom and quickly excuses herself. After splashing some cold water in her face, she looks at her reflection in the fancy golden mirror and wonders what Clarke sees in her. And if she sees something in Niylah…

She runs into Wells when she leaves the bathroom and the boy grabs her hand and pulls her into the kitchen “come on, you can help me with our drinks” he takes a selection of different beverages out of the fridge and tells Lexa to put some glasses onto a big tray

“Uhm, I never really got the chance to thank you. You know, for talking to me on that bench and listening to me even though I was a crying mess. I’m not sure where Clarke and I would be now without this conversation” she smiles at the boy who closes the fridge to look at her

“You’re welcome, even though I didn’t do much. You are the one who did the step towards Clarke. You didn’t need me for that, you probably just needed some time to find the courage. I’m really glad you did, by the way! You both seem really happy” he smiles back, but his expression changes when he notices the hesitation in Lexa’s eyes

The brunette sees the questioning look on the boy’s face and takes a deep breath “Uhm…Clarke and Niylah…where they ever…you know..?”

She is surprised when Wells snorts and shakes his head “Don’t worry, there is nothing between them. Well, Niylah is a flirt and she might like Clarke, but Clarke made it very clear in the past that she doesn’t want anything but friendship and Niylah accepts that. Sure, she is very handsy, but that’s just typical Niylah, trust me”

“Ok” she nods but Wells can tell that she is still thinking about it “Hey, Clarke is crazy about you. She won’t shut up about you when we talk on the phone” he grins and pulls Lexa in for a hug “so don’t worry”

“Hey, get your own girlfriend” Clarke walks into the kitchen and pulls the brunette away from her best friend sticking her tongue out at him “What’s the deal with you two anyway? First you have some inside thing about a cliff and now you are hugging? Should I be jealous?”

“Totally, we’re planning on eloping and getting married in Atlantic City on New Year’s” Lexa jokes and Clarke’s pout makes Wells laugh out loud

“Let’s just say we met before you introduced us. But this is not my story to tell” he winks at Lexa and carries the tray with the drinks back to the living room

“Ok, now I’m curious!” Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s waist and waits for an explanation

“I’ll tell you later, ok?”

“Fine” the blonde rolls her eyes and pulls her girlfriend in for a kiss

_________________________________________________________________________________                                                                                                                                                                                                       

After having dinner at Wells’ the girl head home at 9pm. It’s snowing on their walk back and Lexa giggles when Clarke shakes the snow of her coat like a wet dog. The house is empty since Abby has the night shift at the hospital, leaving the girls with some space to breath. They decide to change into their pajamas and watch _The Tenth Kingdom_ , a mini -series Clarke always used to watch with her dad on Christmas and to the blonde’s surprise Lexa hasn’t seen yet.

They watch the first part when Clarke notices Lexa yawning every few minutes and decides that they will continue the next day. After turning the little light on the nightstand off, the blonde scoots over to the middle of the bed to lie as close to Lexa as possible, facing her while sharing a pillow.

She waves her fingers into brown curls and pulls her girlfriend in for a kiss. It’s chaste and gentle and it’s just supposed to be a quick goodnight kiss. However, when a hand finds its way to her cheek and another is pulling her closer, Clarke can’t help but tilting her head to change the angle and deepen the kiss.

Soft whimpers start to leave her throat when Lexa’s tongue wipes over her bottom lip and dives into her hot mouth a second later. She pulls the brunette’s body flushed against hers but it’s not enough so she rolls over until she is hovering above her. They break the kiss for a second, staring into each other’s eyes, panting heavily. Just when Clarke thinks that she went too far, Lexa is pushing her hand into her neck and pulls her back in. Their kisses become more sloppy and heated and the blonde can’t hold her weight up on her arms anymore. Both girls moan into the kiss when their breasts collide and Clarke’s heart is racing when Lexa’s grip on her waist tightens a little.

Her underwear is ruined by now and she is pretty sure she soon will be soaking her pajama pants as well. She must have changed her position without even noticing since the little rocking motion she does next makes both girls gasp. Clarke’s thigh is pushing against Lexa’s core while she is straddling one of her legs. Ignoring the amazing tingling feeling between her legs, she stops and searches the brunette’s face for discomfort.

“Do you want me to stop?” she whispers between shaky breaths

Lexa stares at her with parted lips and flushed cheeks, breathing heavily. She closes her eyes for a second but shakes her head when her eyes meet Clarke’s again “No”

Quickly reconnecting their lips in a passionate kiss Clarke moans into her girlfriend’s mouth when she slowly starts to grind against her leg, pushing her own thigh against the brunette’s sweet spot with every move.

When it becomes harder to breathe, Clarke pulls away from Lexa’s mouth and lets her lips wander to her jaw, nipping and sucking her way down to her neck. While grinding a little faster she sucks at the other girl’s pulse point and has to bite her lip when hips cant up against her thigh and the sexiest whimper she ever heard reaches her ears.

She shudders when she feels Lexa’s wetness through her pajama pants and this shudder triggers a chain reaction. Lexa comes with a combination of a moan and a gasp, digging her fingernails into Clarke’s hips and that’s all it takes for the blonde to follow her over the edge. Slowing down her grinding motion to help them come down from their high she captures her girlfriend’s lip into a gentle kiss and shifts until she is lying next to her, not wanting to crush the girl with her exhausted body.

They both just lie there for a while, holding each other and trying to catch their breath.  

“Are you ok?” the blue eyed girl whispers after a few minutes of silence

“Hmm” Lexa nods and nuzzles her face into blonde curls, pressing her lips against Clarke’s neck for a soft kiss

Clarke smiles into the dark room and lets out a content sigh “Night Lexi”

“Goodnight Clarke”

_________________________________________________________________________________

When Lexa wakes up the next morning she is confused when she is cold and the other side of the bed in empty, but soon relaxes when she hears the muffled sounds coming from Clarke’s ensuite bathroom. The shower is running and the girl seems to be singing along to the radio.

The brunette rolls over and breathes into the pillow, taking in the scent of Clarke’s coconut conditioner.  Her heart starts to beat faster when her mind wanders back to the previous night and she blushes at the memory of the sounds that were filling this room.

Listening to Clarke happily singing under the shower calms her nerves a little. Clarke seems to be in a good mood so she’s probably fine with what happened, or rather with what didn’t happen. Last night, Lexa was concerned for a second that it’s not enough for the other girl. That grinding against each other fully clothed is too boring for the experienced blonde.

But it was a pretty big deal for Lexa and the brunette has the feeling that Clarke knows that. She didn’t push her and she seems to be happy with their slow pace, and this makes her love the blue eyed princess even more.

The sound of the shower stops but she can still hear her girlfriend singing behind the door. She quickly grabs her phone to check her reflection and make sure that she doesn’t look like a complete mess and runs her fingers through her wild curls to untangle them a little. She sits up against the headboard with a big pillow in her back and waits for the blonde.

After listening to Clarke brushing her teeth and drying her hair, the sounds stop and Lexa’s heart skips a beat when she sees the door knob turn and the door swing open. She doesn’t know what she was expecting to see, but it sure as hell wasn’t THAT. The brunette’s jaw drops at the sound and sight in front of her

 _It's too hot to sleep_  
_I got the sheets on the floor_  
_Nothing on me_  
_And I can't take it no more_  
_It's a hundred degrees_  
_I got one foot out the door_  
_Where are my keys?_  
_Cause I gotta leave yeah_

Clarke dances out of the bathroom with her phone in her hand playing music while wearing nothing but underwear and an oversized white button up shirt that ends mid thigh. She smirks at Lexa while singing along to the song and moving her hips to the beat

 _In the back of the cab_  
_I tip the driver 'head of time_  
_Get me there fast_  
_I got your body on my mind_  
_I want it bad_  
_Oh just the thought of you_  
_Gets me so high_  
_So high_

Twirling her blond curls between her fingers she walks towards the bed, sliding her fingers over the wooden edges before stopping at one of the big bed posts. She grabs the post with one hand and swings around, landing on the covers on the food of the bed

 _Girl_  
_You're the one_  
_I want to want me_  
_And if you want me_  
_Girl you got me_  
_There's nothing I_  
_No I wouldn't do_  
_(I wouldn't do)_  
_Just to get up next to you_

Lexa finally manages to clothe her mouth, though her face takes on a deep pink color when Clarke crawls towards her. It’s the sexiest thing she has ever seen and she has to bite the inside of her cheek in order to suppress an embarrassing whimper. When the girl is close enough Lexa closes the distance, but before they can deepen the kiss, they hear the front door snap shut and Clarke groans before she pulls away.

“Sorry, my mum’s back” she gently pecks her girlfriend on the lips and climbs off the bed “You can take a shower, I’ll get dressed and make us some pancakes”

________________________________________________________________________________

It’s the 25th and they spend the majority of the day walking through the winter wonderland outside or just hanging out in Clarke’s room. Lexa insists on helping Abby with preparing the Christmas dinner, leaving Clarke no choice but to sit with them in the kitchen and peel potatoes. She has barely said a word to her mother since the incident two days ago and she is not eager to change that anytime soon.

Dinner feels like a déjà vu, Abby and Lexa chatting while Clarke looks like grumpy cat, stuffing her face with roast and mashed potatoes.

They decide to exchange gifts after they cleaned up the kitchen, leaving the two Griffins and Lexa now sitting I front of the big Christmas tree in the living room. Abby puts on some Christmas carols and Clarke lights the red candles on the tree. Lexa walks into the room with a few presents in her arms and places them on the carpet

“So the two big soft ones here are from Raven. I don’t know why we had to take them with us even though we decided to exchange gifts once everyone is back at the academy, but it’s Raven so I guess we don’t have to understand it” she hands the one that is labeled _Clarke_ to her girlfriend and they start to unwrap the presents.

“What the?” Lexa unfolds the soft piece of fabric and her eyes widen. She glances at Clarke who lets out a loud snort when she realizes what they are holding in their hands right now. Onsies. Big plushy onsies with tails and hoods that have ears on them. While Lexa’s onsie seems to be a raccoon, Clarke’s looks like a lioness.

“Oh god, that’s so Raven” the blonde laughs and shakes her head “Yours is actually pretty damn cute”

“Yeah, totally” Lexa rolls her eyes at her girlfriend “While you’re a cool wildcat I’m a tiny woodland creature”

“Raccoons are actually pretty smart” Abby tries to help, but can’t keep the grin from appearing on her face

“Fine” Lexa smiles at the woman,grabs a rectangular present from the pile and hands it to the older Griffin “I didn’t know what to get you so…I hope this is ok” she shrugs

Abby seems stunned “You didn’t have to get me anything Lexa. But thank you!” she carefully frees the present from the wrapping and reveals a cookbook “This looks great, Lexa” she moves to hug the shy brunette and starts flipping through the pages

“Uhm, Clarke this is for you” Lexa takes the last present and places it into the blonde’s hands. It has the same shape as Abby’s present, though it’s slightly bigger. A few seconds later, Clarke’s breath hitches when she hold a photo album in her hands. It’s full of pictures from the academy. Octavia’s party, the soccer game, the winter formal, snowball fights and lunch time with the whole group… all of her happy moments from the last couple of month are in there. She tackles Lexa on the carpet, hugging her close

“Thank you so much, Lex. I love it!” she loosens her grip around the girl’s neck and presses her lips against Lexa’s “This is so great and it makes me feel so bad, because you have to wait for your present until tomorrow. You now, it’s nothing you can wrap in paper, it’s rather something that involves a little road trip”

“We’re going somewhere?” Lexa’s eyes widen in surprise

“Yeah, if that’s ok with you?”

“Sure! I can’t wait!” she pushes a strand of blonde her behind Clarke’s ear but quickly creates some distance between them when she remembers that Abby is still in the room

Clearing her throat the older Griffin reaches for three little presents wrapped in red paper and hands one of them to Lexa and the other two to her daughter “Here you go…I hope you like it”

Lexa stares at the tiny present in her hands and she can feel the tears in her eyes. She knows that this is Clarke’s mum and not her mum, but in this moment it feels like getting a real present from her mum instead of a check for the first time in years. She opens it with shaking hands and soon holds a little golden necklace in her hand. It has a pendant that looks like one half of a heart with a _C_ on it. Her eyes shoot up to look at Clarke and watches as the blonde traces the other part of the heart with her index finger. It has an _L_ on it.

“Thank you” Clarke whispers at her mother, but Lexa gets up to hug the woman tightly

“You’re welcome” she smiles and watches as her daughter hesitates when she reaches for the last present

From where she is sitting, Lexa can’t see what’s in the little box her girlfriend just opened, but judging by her sharp intake of breath, followed by big tears, it’s not what Clarke was expecting.

For the first time in almost a year, Clarke is stepping into her mother’s arms and just lets herself cry against her shoulder. Lexa can see the emotions in Abby’s eyes when she soothingly strokes over her daughter’s curls. When she steps out of the embrace and wipes the tears of her face, Abby reaches for the box and takes out her husband’s watch. She gently puts it on Clarke’s wrist and a little smile appears on the blonde’s face

“Thank you, mum. You’re present is hanging upstairs on your bedroom wall” she mumbles and avoids her mother’s gaze while turning around to sit on the carpet next to Lexa again.

They all settle on the couch and watch a Christmas movie before the girls excuse themselves to Clarke’s room at 10pm.

When Abby walks upstairs half an hour later, she notices that Clarke’s door is ajar and a light is shining through the crack. She listens for any noises but can’t hear anything. Tip toeing through the hallway, she pushes the door open and peeks into the room.

Her heart melts immediately at the sight in front of her. The girls are fast asleep on top of the covers, Lexa’s head resting on Clarke’s chest, Clarke’s arms wrapped around her waist. Both are wearing their onsies with the hoods on and it’s the most adorable thing Abby has ever seen. She grabs her phone and takes a picture thinking that it will fit perfectly into Clarke’s new photo album.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was part one of the Griffin Christmas, let me know what you think ! 
> 
> if you're looking for a great present why not recreate Mrs. Greensburry's finger puppet :D :D :D 
> 
> http://www.amazon.com/Crafting-Cat-Hair-Cute-Handicrafts/dp/1594745250/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1459291488&sr=8-1&keywords=crafting+with+cat+hair
> 
> seriously, who comes up with a book like that? 
> 
> I hope you're ok with the Clexa "smut" scene, I wanted them to take the next step without getting naked yet...


	21. The one with the roadtrip...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is basically one big fluff fiesta again ^^ Don't get to comfortable with the fluff though...*evil laughter*
> 
> I'm don't really like how the second half of the chapter turned out, but I'm posting it anyway

Clarke had told her to dress casual so Lexa is putting her duffle coat over a comfortable pair of jeans and a midnight blue hoodie. When she walks out of the house, her girlfriend is sitting in the driver’s seat of the Audi reading a map. The blonde quickly folds the piece of paper when Lexa opens the passenger door and slips into the car

“Sooo, are you telling my where we’re going yet?” the brunette fastens her seatbelt and shoves her scarf and beanie into the glove compartment

“Nope” Clarke shakes her head with a mysterious grin on her face and starts the engine “but you better make yourself comfortable, it’s a three hour drive”

Lexa wiggles out of her coat without taking the seatbelt off and starts to look for a good radio station while Clarke drives them through the streets of Boston. The view outside of the window changes soon when they leave the city and hit the interstate.

They spend the first one and a half hours of the drive with Clarke humming along to the radio and Lexa just looking out of the window, enjoying the world outside flying by. She doesn’t even remember the last time she was in a car for more than 20 minutes. She used to love roadtrips as a kid. Her grandma took her camping at Mt. Weather every summer, and once they even spent a week at a farm, and little Lexa enjoyed the trip almost as much as the vacation itself. She loved the sound of the engine that lulled her to sleep and her grandma made up games like looking for animals on the side of the road. For the brunette, the journey has always been as important as the destination and she really likes the journey she is on right now.

Lexa closes her eyes and listens to Clarke singing along to All American Rejects'  _Mona Lisa_ and her body relaxes into the seat. She jumps a little when something touches her legs and looks down to find a bottle of water and a package of oreos on her lap. Leaning over she plants a kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek who just grins and keeps singing, moving her head to the beat.

She is too busy watching Clarke to notice that they have left the interstate. Her gaze lingers on the blonde and she doesn’t even care where they are going. They could go visit a sausage factory or attend a crochet workshop, Lexa couldn’t care less as long as she’s with Clarke. They haven’t said more than a few words since they entered the car and she loves how they don’t have to. She doesn’t feel the need for some small talk just for the sake of saying something. Clarke is safe. Clarke is home. With Clarke she can just be.

The brunette finally tears her eyes away from the other girl when the car slows down. Lexa looks through the window and notices that they came to a stop in a suburban street. It seems to be a nice neighborhood with big houses, neat lawns, and children playing in the snow. Clarke opens the passenger door and offers Lexa a hand which she quickly grabs. The blonde starts walking towards a big white house with a swing on the porch and a pickup truck in the driveway. Clarke closes the little gate of the wooden fence behind them and stops to face Lexa

“So, your present is behind that door. I really thought about what I should get you, I wanted to find something that makes you happy so I…”

She doesn’t get to finish the sentence since the front door swings open and a man steps into the threshold. Lexa thinks that she has seen his face before, but she can’t really place it. That’s when something pushes itself past the man’s legs and everything is clear.

The brunette falls down to her knees with a single sob before her body is crushed under a big ball of blonde fur.

Clarke can barely hold back her own tears when she watches Lexa running her hands through the Golden Retriever’s fur while the dog wags his tail and happily licks over her forehead.

“Fish” the green eyed girl whispers with a smile and buries her face into the dog

Clarke makes her way over to the man and shakes his hand “It’s nice to meet you Mr. Sanders. Thank you so much for making this possible, I know it’s Christmas and you probably have better things to do”

“Don’t worry about it” Mr. Sanders lets out a deep chuckle when he watches Lexa “I’m glad that I could help, especially since it’s Christmas! And it’s her dog after all”

Lexa finally stands up and wipes the tears off her face before jumping into Clarke’s arms, hugging her tightly “Thank you so much. This is the best present ever”

She lets go of the beaming blonde and turns around to face the man “Hi Mr. Sanders. Thanks for taking care of Fish” she shyly smiles at him

“Little Alexandria“ he shakes his head and looks the girl up and down “You haven’t changed at all. Well, maybe besides the wobbly teeth and the red bows in your hair. It’s great to see you again. Do you want to take Fish for a walk?”

Lexa’s eyes widen while she nods enthusiastically. Mr. Sanders leaves and comes back with a leash, a few dog treats and a poop bag “Here you go. As you know he’s not the youngest, but he still enjoys his walks so you can bring him back in an hour or so. There’s a nice park at the end of the road”

Lexa takes the leash and puts it on Fish while Clarke shoves the other stuff in her pocket “Thanks Mr. Sanders, we’ll be back in an hour”

The two girls make their way down the road, Lexa holding the leash in one hand and Clarke’s hand in the other.

Walking through the snowy park, Clarke spends the hour just watching Lexa while the brunette interacts with her childhood friend. The blonde feels certain that she picked the right present, seeing how the girl’s face lights up whenever Fish wags his tail, and listening to the sound of her laugh when the dog tackles her into the white powder. Lexa looks like a 5 year old in Disney Land and Clarke couldn’t be happier for the girl.

They drop Fish off at the Sanders’ house after an hour and Mr. Sanders assures Lexa that she is more than welcome to come back on spring break. They girls say goodbye after an extensive Fish cuddle session on the porch and head back to their car.

Clarke is about to open the door of the car when she notices that Lexa stopped. She frowns and walks up to her, trying to read her face. The brunette just stares at her and Clarke loses herself in those green eyes for a moment and only snaps back to reality when she is suddenly engulfed in a big hug. Arms wrap themselves tightly around her neck and a face buries itself in her blonde curls

“Ai hod yu in” it’s only a whisper next to her ear, but before Clarke has the chance to ask what it means, Lexa kisses her and she forgets everything around her

_____________________________________________________________________________

“So, do you just wanna take a nap? We have like 2 hours till dinner” Clarke sits on her bed, putting her hair into a loose ponytail

“Sure. Spending 6 hours in a car was kind of exhausting. Even though it was totally worth it” Lexa flops down next to her girlfriend and yawns as soon as her head hits the pillow

Clarke smiles at the tired brunette and is just about to join her when Abby appears in the open door “Uhm sorry girls I hope I’m not interrupting”

“You’re not” Clarke shrugs and pushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear “We’re just a little tired”

“Oh, ok. I was wondering if you want to join me. I’m…I’m going to the cemetery…” Abby nervously looks at her daughter who holds her gaze before she turns around to face Lexa

“It’s ok, Clarke. You should go say hi to your dad. I’m just going to take that nap, ok?” she reaches for the blondes hand and squeezes it reassuringly

“Fine” she kisses the brunette’s forehead and rolls off the bed, following her mother out of the room

They spend the 10 minute car ride in silence, Clarke holding a bouquet of calla lilies in her lap. The snow crunches under their feet when they walk through the field of graves and the sun is starting to set on the horizon. The two Griffin women stop in front of a black tombstone with a grey inscription. “ _Jacob Griffin – loving husband and father_ ” it says on the top, though, the words on the lower part is what makes the tears streaming down the blonde’s face again

_“In peace may you leave the shore,_

_in love may you find the next,_

_safe passage in your travels,_

_until our final journey to the ground._

_May we meet again.”_

The first time Clarke heard these words was when she had to bury her guinea pig. She was 8 and devastated to lose her friend. Jake helped her to dig a hole in the backyard and carve a little wooden cross. They planted a blue forget-me-not on top of the tiny grave and he told her that Harry will travel to another world now, but that they can still see each other in their dreams. She heard those words again when she was 12 and her grandfather passed, and when she was 14 and a class-mate died from leukemia. They always made her feel better.

Clarke places the bouquet of flowers in front of the tombstone and wipes the tears off her cheeks. She can feel her mother moving next to her and quickly grabs her hand before she has the chance to walk away

“You can stay” she whispers and hears a sharp intake of breath. They’ve only been there together twice and both times they took their turns in talking to Jake since Clarke couldn’t even look at her mother.

Now they are standing there, hand in hand with tears in their eyes, looking down at the memory of the most important man in their lifes.

“Hi dad” the girl breaks the silence after a few minutes “it’s us. Sorry for not visiting you more often, but I kind of live somewhere else now. It’s pretty great actually. Sure it can get stressful when you literally live at school, but I love it. I love the old building and the cute little town. You always used to say that I’m a city girl, but I guess you’re wrong with that one” she can hear Abby’s little chuckle next to her and smiles before she moves on “My roommate is amazing too, you would really like her. She’s a hurricane, but one of my best friends now. And then there’s Lexa…” she takes a shaky breath and looks at her mum who squeezes her hand “I guess I have to thank you for her. Losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but it made me move to the Academy. It gave me Lexa. Mum will probably know what I’m quoting when saying that Lexa for me is “ _Some little piece of beauty in the midst of some place dark. An unexpected gift, just when it's needed most“._ I didn’t know that I was looking for her until I found her. I really love her, dad. I’ll bring her someday so you can meet her”

Abby wraps one arm around her daughter and Clarke leans into the embrace. They just stay like this for another 15 minutes until the snow starts falling again and their feet slowly go numb.

“Merry Christmas, Jake” the older Griffin traces her fingers over the cold tombstone before they turn around and walk back to the car

_______________________________________________________________________________

 **To Tavia** : What does “I hot you in” mean?

 **To Clarke:** Do you mean “Ai hod yu in?”

 **To Tavia:** yeah, probably. What does it mean?

 **To Clarke:** I think you already know what it means

5 minutes later

 **To Tavia:** what do I say if I want to say it back?

________________________________________________________________________________

“Mum, can I come in now?”

“Nope. We’re not ready yet! Just go downstairs and start setting up the buffet” Abby locks the door to make sure her daughter stays outside and turns back to face a nervous brunette

Lexa is standing in front of a big mirror and looks at her reflection while tugging at the hem of her dress “Are you sure about this? I can just wear my jeans and maybe a nice blouse? I’m sorry I didn’t bring anything fancy”

“Don’t worry about it, Lexa. You look beautiful and I don’t mind you wearing one of my dresses. It looks better on you anyway” Abby smiles at the girl when their eyes meet in the mirror and continues to put the brown curls into a Dutch side braid that lies over her left shoulder

“Thank you” Lexa carefully touches the finished braid after Abby has secured it with a hair tie and follows the woman out of the bedroom door

When Lexa appears on the bottom of the steps, Clarke almost drops the big casserole dish she is carrying to the buffet table “Wow. You…you look…wow!” she stutters and her jaw goes slack when she takes in the green eyed beauty in front of her. Lexa is wearing a little black dress that is pretty tight and hugs her body perfectly. It ends mid thigh and the blonde can’t take her eyes off those toned legs.

“Thanks, Clarke. I’m glad your mum had something that fits me. You look really great yourself” she blushes when Clarke turns around in a slow circle, showing off her beautiful white dress with a confident smirk on her face

Abby joins them and they quickly arrange the last dishes on the buffet and set up a little bar in the kitchen. It’s 7:52 pm when the door bell rings, announcing the first guest of their little New Year’s party. Soon, the house is filled up with about 40 people of all ages, and Clarke and Lexa retreat to the blonde’s room with Wells, Connor, and Tess after the teenagers stuffed their plates with all the food they could carry.

…

“Ok, never have I ever…been in love with a teacher” they’ve been playing the game for almost an hour now, sitting in a circle on Clarke’s bedroom floor

Wells groans and takes a sip of jungle juice “I hate you, Connor”

“Do I want to know?” Lexa looks at her giggling girlfriend

“NO!” Wells shakes his head and glares at his friends, but Clarke starts to tell Lexa anyway “little Wells here was sooo in love with our fifth grade English teacher. He even got her some flowers for Valentine’s day” Wells nudged the blonde and shrugs “she was kind of hot…”

“She was 45!”

“Ok, whatever” Wells rolls his eyes “Can we stop playing now?”

“Yeah” Tess jumps to her feet “Let’s get some dessert before there’s nothing left” she runs out of the room, quickly followed by Conner

Lexa and Wells start walking towards the door as well, though both are stopped by a hand on their wrist “Hey not so fast you two. You still haven’t told me how you met! Come on, I want to know” Clarke puts on her best puppy eyes and watches as her best friend and girlfriend share a quick glance

“Uhm” Lexa nervously bites her lip “we actually met just hours before you introduced us. I was sitting on a bench in town and…well I was crying and he just sat next to me and tried to comfort me and it really helped” she smiles at Wells who steps a little closer and gives her a short hug with one arm

Surprise is written all over the blondes face before she furrows her brows “Why were you crying?”

Lexa doesn’t know what to say so Wells steps in “she liked this amazing girl and was pretty sure that this girl could never like her back” with that he winks at Clarke and leaves the two girls alone

“Oh” the blonde’s heart hurts a little when she pictures Lexa crying because of her and she steps forward to wrap her arms around the girl’s neck “I’m sorry, Lex”

“It’s ok” the brunette mumbles against her shoulder “It wasn’t your fault. And it doesn’t matter now”

“No it doesn’t” Clarke loosens the embrace to face her girlfriend and places a gentle kiss on her lips

They join the others downstairs on the little make-shift dance floor after having some ice cream and _Berliners_ , some kind of  German jelly filled donut without a hole Abby made with one of her dad’s recipes.

They dance and laugh, and Lexa feels like she is dreaming. Her friends at the academy have been her family for all these years, but now it feels like she found a second one. A second home. She is ripped out of her thoughts by two hands on her waist. She blinks a few times and notices that Clarke is standing really close, looking her in the eyes while everyone else around them started the countdown

“Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!!”

She can hear the cheering around her, but it sounds like miles away. All her senses are concentrating on the blonde whose lips are pressed to hers right now, gently moving while hands tangle themselves into brown curls. Lexa sighs into the kiss and almost tears up because of its gentleness. Clarke pulls away after a minute and rests their foreheads together, before slightly shifting and whispering into Lexa’s ear, and the brunette can barely withhold a sob

“Ai hod yu in seintaim”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was the second part of the Griffin Christmas, tell me what you think ! 
> 
> Anyone knows which TV show Clarke quoted at the cemetery ? :D 
> 
> Spoilers : Did you guys watch 3x09? Suprisingly, I cried through the Polis part of the episode, but not when Lincoln died. I mean I liked him, but I think nothing can really shock me after Lexa's death. Even though I like Clarke and want to know what will happen to her, the show will never be the same for me without Lex. But I actually HAVE to keep watching it, since it's part of my MA thesis


	22. The one in which Murphy wants to be a fairy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo, I'm not quite happy how this turned out, but it's just a shorter transition chapter before the shit is hitting the fan in the next one :D 
> 
> I suck at writing smut, but I tried again for you guys and for those of you who said they missed Octaven in the Christmas chapters ;)

People are pushing past her, hurrying towards security control, and Lexa moves to stand behind a trash can in order to not get run over by a group of Japanese tourists. She tugs a loose strand of brown hair behind her ear and nervously readjusts her ponytail. The brunette watches Clarke and her mother out of the corner of her eye while the two Griffins say their goodbyes. Abby has hair hands on her daughter’s shoulders and is speaking in a low voice before hugging the blonde and kissing her on the cheek. The green eyed girl quickly averts her gaze when she feels a pang in her stomach.

She never had that. Sure, she has a mother. A woman that gave birth to her. But she never had a mum. A mum that cares enough about her to spend time with her, to call her just to hear if she’s fine instead of sending her a fax asking about her grades. A mum that cares enough to remember her birthday, to visit her at least once at the academy, to tell her she loves her. Lexa is happy for Clarke. She really is. She loves to see her happy in her mum’s arms again, finally starting to heal together. But a part of her is jealous. Jealous of this kind of relationship she never had, and she never will have. She’ll be 18 in a few weeks, an adult. An adult before she could really be the child of anyone.

Lexa swings her bag over her shoulder when she sees Clarke approaching and waves at Abby before quickly walking through security without looking back.

She is standing in front of the big windows of the terminal, watching the planes taxi on the runway when she feels a hand on her shoulder “Hey, are you ok?” Clarke looks at her with concern in her eyes

“Yeah…I’m fine” she shrugs and starts heading towards their gate

“Are you sure? My mum was pretty concerned when you didn’t say goodbye” the blonde takes a few fast steps to catch up with her and entwines their hands

“Sorry. I’m going to write her and thank her for letting me stay with you again” Lexa drops her bag on the floor and settles into a chair at the seating area of their gate

“Lex” Clarke takes a seat next to the brunette, but the other girl won’t look at her “Lexa, hey look at me” she gently places her hand under her chin and lifts her head so blue can meet green “You don’t have to thank her again. You already thanked her like 10 times. She didn’t expect a _thank you_. She just wanted to give you a hug”

A variety of emotions flashes through Lexa’s eyes and Clarke seems to understand. The blonde pulls the other girl into her arms and they just stay like this until it’s time for boarding.

The flight is quiet. Clarke plays around with her phone until it’s time for take-off, but spends the rest of the time sleeping with her head on Lexa’s shoulder while the brunette stares at the clouds and miniature world outside the window.

 

It’s 5pm when they arrive in DC and both girls are relieved when they quickly find a cab that takes them to the academy. They are about 15 minutes away when Lexa’s phone buzzes inside her coat pocket. She pulls the device out and starts reading the text message.

“Hey is that Raven again? I swear I told that girl like 500 times that we will be back at 6, but she keeps texting me” Clarke yawns and puts a tic tac in her mouth. It takes her a minute to notice that she didn’t get an answer from the brunette “Are you ok? Lex?”

 Lexa is frozen in her seat and stares at her phone.

“Lexa” it’s just a worried whisper followed by soft hands cupping the brunette’s face. A quiet sob leaves Lexa’s throat when she finally looks up from her phone and meets Clarke’s gaze. Tears start running down her cheeks and she can see the confusion on her girlfriends face when the tears are followed by a small smile.

“Are you ok?” Lexa nods and laughs when Clarke wipes her cheeks “So those are happy tears?” the blonde asks, a smile spreading in her face when she sees the crying but happy dork in front of her nodding again

Clarke doesn’t ask. She just holds her girlfriend until they reach the academy and decides that Lexa will tell her when she’s ready.

 

**_unknown number:_ **

_Dear Lexa,_

_I’m writing you here since we didn’t get the chance to say goodbye earlier. Clarke texted me and I want you to know that I really just wanted to hug you and that this isn’t goodbye forever. You’re always welcome at our house and I hope that I will see both of you here for spring break. You’re the best thing that could have happened to my daughter and you came into her life just when she needed it the most. She needed this time away from me and I’m so grateful that you were there for her when I couldn’t be. I think you helped her a lot with the healing process. It will take us both a while to accept that Jake is gone, but having you patched up a part of that hole inside of Clarke, a hole that I helped digging. So thank you. Thank you for being such a great friend and girlfriend to my daughter and thank you for spending Christmas with us. See you soon._

_Love Abby_

_____________________________________________________________________________

Raven hurries through the halls and is slightly out of breath when she reaches the room on the third floor. Excitement rushes through her when she knocks, nervously stepping from one foot to another. The brunette jumps a little when the door flings open only a second later and a strange sound leaves her throat when she is pulled into the room, only to be replaced by a groan when her head trashes against the wooden surface. She barely has time to blink since Octavia’s lips are on hers in the next moment. Raven gasps into the passionate kiss when a warm tongue immediately finds its way into her mouth and her hands wrap around her girlfriend’s waist to hold her even closer when she hears the clicking of the lock next to her.

The brown-eyed girl pushes herself off the door and the two brunettes stumble towards Octavia’s bed, tugging at their clothes. Raven can feel her sweatpants pooling on her ankles so she quickly kicks them off while her hands are busy unclasping Octavia’s bra. Once completely naked, they fall onto the bed in a pile of limbs and it’s like they’re in their own bubble again. All they can see, feel, hear, and smell are each other, like they haven’t seen each other in a year, instead of two weeks.

Raven is lying on top of Octavia, their bodies flushed together. She is nibbling on her girlfriend’s bottom lip and slowly lets her hand trail down between their bodies while soft fingers roam from the sides of her breasts down to her butt, squeezing it a little and eliciting a moan from both of them. Octavia breaks their kiss and inhales sharply when Raven’s hand finally reaches its destination between her legs. She gently slides her fingers through the wet folds before stopping at the hard bud at the top and a shiver runs through her body when Octavia moans into her ear

“Ohmygod…Raven” Raven has started drawing little circles around her clit, causing the girl underneath her to lift her hips off the bed, eager for more friction

She gently pushes her back into the mattress and abandons the little buddle of nerves to slide further down. Octavia whimpers in frustration, but quickly stops, gasping when Raven dips a finger inside. The latter starts to thrust in a slow rhythm, making her girlfriend dig her fingernails into her back

“Please …” Raven listens to the other girl’s desperate whines and pushes a second finger inside, quickening her pace while brushing her thumb over the pulsing clit

“Oh my god, oh my…” Octavia’s eyes roll back into her head and she lets out a breathy moan that Raven swallows with a kiss. It just takes a few more strokes of her thumb and Octavia’s body stiffens as her orgasm rushes through her like an electric shock. Slowing her movements, Raven presses gently kisses all over her girlfriend’s face, giving her some time to catch her breath.

It doesn’t take long before Octavia flips them over with a smirk on her face, giving Raven a soft kiss, before she moves her lips down her jaw and neck, leaving little love bites on her way. Raven’s breathing starts to quicken when those soft lips close around her nipple and her back aches off the bed when Octavia starts to suck and lick her way down her abdomen. She gasps and shudders when teeth scrape over her hipbone and jolts up when she feels a hot stream of breath between her legs.

“Fuuuuck” Octavia’s tongue licks over her clit and Raven is pretty sure that people can hear her moans over in the east wing. She pushes her fingers into Octavia’s hair and clenches her fists around the silky brown strands. 

She is almost embarrassed about how fast her orgasm is building up, but she doesn’t care. Octavia sucking and licking at her clit feels too good to slow things down and she is sure that she will tumble over the edge any second when a tongue is pressed flat against her

“Fuck, O! I’m…I’m going to…” her body tenses and Octavia quickly pushes her tongue inside of her, curling it upwards, and that’s all it takes for Raven to cry out while her legs start to shake uncontrollably. “Shit” she curses, her eyes closed while the aftershocks keep running through her body.

Octavia crawls up her body to lie next to her and presses a soft kiss on her nose before nuzzling her face into Raven’s neck “I missed you”

Raven chuckles at her girlfriend’s words and turns her head to kiss Octavia’s forehead “I missed you too”

_______________________________________________________________________________

“I can’t believe Raven got you one of those too” Clarke giggles while she helps Octavia pushing their two beds together

“Duh, of course she has, it’s Raven” the other girl grins and starts to line up all their pillows against the long headrest they just created “besides, I look cute as fuck in this” she pulls the hood of her bunny onsie up and flutters her eyelashes

Clarke rolls her eyes but laughs “yeah, you kind of do. But why did she get you guys these cute fluffy animals while I’m a lioness?”

“Ok mopy! First of all, you look pretty adorable anyway” she tugs at the tail of the blonde’s onsie “and second of all, a lioness is really bad ass and I’m kind of jealous that she picked that for you”

Clarke smiles and opens a bag of chips, emptying it into a plastic bowl. It’s been two days since everyone came back to the academy and the girls want to celebrate their reunion with a movie night. Even though the blonde has seen her girlfriend earlier this morning, she can’t wait to spend time with the brunette again. Lexa and her have grown very close over the last couple of days and the tingling sensation that runs through her body whenever she sees the girl only increases every time.

Octavia slides through the room on the fluffy feet of her onsie and plugs the fairy lights in before switching the big lights of. The roommates just started to bicker about which movie they should watch when they get interrupted by a loud series of knocks on the door.

The door flings open before either of them has time to move, revealing two beaming woodland creatures

“Whaaats uuup ?!?!” Raven dances into the room wearing a fox onsie and jumps onto the bed while Lexa closes the door and sighs, but smiles when she meets Clarke’s gaze across the room.

Octavia tackles her girlfriend on the bed, the two of them rolling around in a pile of giggling furry limps, and Lexa quickly makes her way over to the dvd shelf. Clarke grabs the sides of the brunette’s hood to pull her in and hums into the kiss when Lexa’s hands roam over her ribcage, just underneath her breasts. However, the brunette shyly takes a step back, embarrassed when she notices the placement of her hands “Hi…uhm did you pick a movie yet?”

“No, but I can take a look and see if there’s something good on Netflix” Clarke walks over to her laptop and starts the device while her girlfriend joins the now slightly calmer girls on the bed. The three girls settle against the headrest surrounded by a variety of pillows and blankets and are deep into a conversation about classes when Clarke walks through the room, only to stop at the foot of the bed. She stares at the sight in front of her for a few seconds before quickly taking a picture with her phone. She types something with a smirk on her face and drops the phone on the nightstand afterwards

“Ok ladys, what do you think about watching _In Your Eyes_? I love this movie and it’s been a while since I last watched it, so…?” Clarke shrugs and questioningly looks at the three brunettes

“Oh yes! I love Zoe Kazan! Maybe we can watch _The Pretty One_ later?” Octavia claps her hands together in excitement and the four girls settle down on the huge bed after Clarke hit the play button on her laptop

 

They are about halfway through the movie when Octavia reaches for her phone and reads her messages with a frown on her face “Uhm, can anyone explain to me why I have a message from Jasper asking if he should put some tights and a hat on and come over, and why I have another one from Murphy asking if he can be our Tinkerbell?”

Clarke is laughing so hard that she is almost suffocating on a chip and Lexa has to tap her on the back while the blonde wipes some tears off her face. When she finally manages to breathe normally she almost starts laughing again when she sees the confused look on the others faces “Sorry guys, I just wasn’t expecting them to react like this”

“And what are they reacting to exactly?” Raven crosses her arms over her chest and leans back with a pout on her face, eliciting another snort from Clarke

“Well” the blonde bites her lip and reaches for her phone “I might have posted a picture of you guys”

She opens the instagram post and hands the phone over to Lexa. The picture on the screen shows the three brunettes huddled together between dozens of pillows, with their onsie hoods on and a smile on their faces. The caption underneath the picture reads **my fluffy little academy family #NeverlandisinDC #lostgirls #whoneedsPeterPan.**

“Aww, Clarke! I probably should be mad at you for posting this without telling us but that’s just sooo cute” Octavia crawls over the covers to hug her roommate “we totally look like the lost boys in these outfits and I love our little family”

Raven nods and grabs her girlfriend’s phone “Let’s text Murphy back and tell him thanks, but we can tinker our bells without him pretty well”

“RAVEN!”

_____________________________________________________________________________

It’s Sunday evening and the next semester is going to start tomorrow. Lexa is sitting at a table in the big library and flips through her history book. It’s not like she has any homework to do yet, but the ambitious brunette likes to be prepared. She reads through the next chapter to get a head start on the new topic when the sound of a chair squeaking  catches her attention. The green-eyed girl looks up from her book and watches as a girl settles down next to her. Frizzy dark hair, tanned skin, and golden eyes. She has never seen her before.

“Hey, sorry is it ok if I sit here?” the girl gives her a warm smile and takes a sip from a water bottle

“Sure” Lexa nods and tries to concentrate on her reading again, which isn’t easy since the stranger is pretty loud while rummaging through her backpack. She glances at her while grabbing her sticky notes “so are you new at the academy? I’ve never seen you here before”

The girl grins and turns towards Lexa. She bites her bottom lip and reaches her hand out “Yes I am, I just arrived yesterday. I’m Costia. Costia Crew.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> muhaha ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ the last few chapter were just too fluffy, so there is some trouble ahead...
> 
> let me know what you think :) and thank you guys for 900 kudos ♥


	23. The one with the wicked witch of the west...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update, writer's block is a bitch! I really struggled with this chapter
> 
> Half of my readers probably left after I dropped the Costia bomb, but I hope that there are at least a few of you that will stick till the end. 
> 
> I promise, Costia won't be around for long! There will be just one painfull chapter after this one and then it's back to the fluff you guys ;)

Lexa blows a brown curl out of her face and glances at the big clock next to the teacher’s desk. It’s only 7:45 so she has some time to kill before her physics class starts. The brunette likes to be early in the first week of the semester, even though she could really use the extra 30 minutes of sleep. She busies herself with filing some loose sheets into her folder and just finished with the last one when she jumps at the sudden presence of a hand on her shoulder. Turning her head she looks into golden eyes and a beaming face

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I was just so happy to see a familiar face” Costia lets her hand linger a little longer before she takes it off Lexa’s shoulder to push it into her hair

The green –eyed girl shrugs “It’s fine, I just spaced out a little”

“Do you mind if I sit here? Or do you already have assigned seats?” she looks at Lexa through long lashes and the brunette is confused for a second but answers with a polite nod and smile, pushing her stuff to the left to make some room on the desk. She doesn’t know this girl, but she seems nice, and a new friend couldn’t hurt, right?

Costia turns out to be quite chatty and Lexa just lets the girl talk, only interrupting with the occasional nod or “yes/no”. She frowns a little when the new girl winks at her after Mr. Fitzpatrick announces that the person sitting next to them will also be their project partner for this semester, but decides to invite her to sit with them at lunch anyway.

________________________________________________________________________________

 “Hey guys” Lexa drops her tray on the lunch table and points at the girl that settles down next to her “this is Costia. She is new and I told her that she can sit with us today. I hope that’s ok?”

Monty, Bellamy, and Octavia eye the new girl suspiciously while Jasper just grins and nods “Sure, the more the merrier!”

“Thanks, I’m so glad that I already made friends with Lex, and I’m sure you guys are great too” Costia beams at them and winks at the brunette next to her

“Lex?” Octavia whispers to her brother “She better keep her hands to herself. God, I hate her already” Bellamy just chuckles and picks the pickles off his sandwich

“Where are the others?” Lexa asks with a frown on her face and glances at her watch. Lunch break started 15 minutes ago and she really wants to see Clarke

“Well, Murphy got himself into some trouble again and has to spend the break picking up trash around the premises, and Clarke and Raven will be here in about 15 seconds” Monty nods his head to the left and the group turns their heads to see the two girls approaching the table  

:::::::::::

Clarke is balancing her tray through the crowd in the dining hall, chatting with Raven, when her eyes fall on the girl sitting at their table. No, not only at their table, but next to her girlfriend. An awkward feeling spreads through her stomach when she notices how close they are sitting, and how the girl has a playful grin on her face when she leans in to talk to Lexa. The group turns around when Monty points at them and Clarke forces a fake smile onto her face. Raven walks around the table and gives Octavia a quick kiss before sitting down and looking at the new girl with a raised eyebrow “Who the heck are you?”

“Raven! Be nice” Lexa pleads and grabs Clarke’s hand, who is still awkwardly standing next to the table, to pull her towards the empty seat next to her “this is Costia Crew, she just transferred here. Costia, this is my rude roommate Raven, and my Clarke…uhm I mean Clarke”

“So I’m not your Clarke?” the blonde pouts and tilts her head to look at Lexa with puppy eyes

The brunette chuckles and leans in to kiss her pouting lips “Of course you are”. She rests their foreheads together and her stomach flutters a little when Clarke entwines their hands.

 “So, Costia. What brings you to Sky Academy?” Octavia bites into a piece of pizza and interrogatively looks at the golden-eyed girl, her annoyance obvious in her voice

“Well” Costia gives the brunette a disgustingly sweet smile and Octavia has to fight the urge to roll her eyes at her “I’m from California …”

Clarke doesn’t bother listening to the new girl’s story. She pokes her broccoli with a crease between her eyes and almost huffs out loud when she watches Costia twirling her hair between her fingers with an obnoxiously excessive smile on her face. The blonde is a little relieved when she notices that most of her friends don’t seem to buy this little miss sunshine act she has going on. Only two of them are actually interested in what Costia has to say. She is not surprised to see Jasper beaming at her and hanging on her every word. But what really bugs her is her girlfriend’s reaction. Lexa nods and smiles and Clarke hates how close she is sitting to the girl. She wishes she could just cloak Lexa with some kind of invisible protective shield that causes a zit to immediately grow on Costia’s face whenever she comes to close. Lunch is over before they know it and the blonde doesn’t miss the look on the new girl’s face when Lexa gets up and gives Clarke a long kiss before they head to their classes.

 ____________________________________________________________________________

It’s been two weeks since the start of the semester and Clarke can’t seem to relax. Costia is everywhere. She sits with them at lunch and tells them about her super awesome life in California and Clarke has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from just blurting out “Then why don’t you go back?!”. She wants to bite her hand off every time she touches Lexa’s arm, and Raven actually managed to not draw anyone’s attention when she pulled a fork out off Clarke’s hand before the blonde could explode and stop Costia’s stupid giggles with it.

Is she overreacting? Maybe. It’s not like Costia makes any obvious moves on Lexa and she smiles at everyone, not just at the brunette. But it’s the small touches and the way she looks at her that causes the pot of jealousy to boil inside her stomach.

The only thing that keeps Clarke from jumping Costia’s throat is Lexa. Lexa who is oblivious to Costia’s flirting. Sweet little Lexa who looks at Costia the way she looks at everyone else, and then turns around and looks at Clarke if she is the most precious thing she has ever seen. Lexa who doesn’t even notice Costia’s eyes on them whenever they kiss. Lexa who doesn’t see the jealousy in Clarke’s eyes. She just sees Clarke.

And Clarke does her best to ignore the wicked witch of the west and focus on the green-eyed girl. Her green-eyed girl. They spend every free minute together in the next few weeks and grow even closer. And Raven and Octavia are pretty happy about their new sleeping arrangements. The girls are swapping rooms at least 3 times a week, creating some alone-time for each couple and giving Lexa and Clarke the chance to slowly approach the next step.

Short make-out session turn into all night make-out sessions, hands slowly explore the naked skin of each other’s backs and stomachs, and they even repeat their experience from Clarke’s bedroom in Boston a few times.  But it never goes further, and Clarke is pretty sure that she is going to combust soon. She forces herself to slow down whenever she thinks that she is about to lose control, and it gets harder every time. But she just can’t push Lexa. The brunette has to make the first move, she has to be sure that Lexa is ready.  
_______________________________________________________________________________

“Hey Lex” Clarke walks into her girlfriend’s room, ready for their Saturday sleepover, but stops dead in her tracks when she takes in the sight in front of her “what…I didn’t miss your birthday or anything, did I?”

A blush creeps up Lexa’s body, tinting her cheeks in a bright pink “Uhm, no…I thought it looks nice” she shrugs and quickly adds “but I can just turn the normal lights back on if you don’t like it!” she mentally curses herself for stupidly trying to create some kind of romantic atmosphere and shuffles towards one of the night stands to blow out the candles

“No! Lexa, stop! It looks amazing!” the brunette pauses and their eyes meet “please leave the candles! I’m sorry” Clarke takes a few steps to close the distance between them and pulls the other girl in for a hug “you just surprised me”

“Are you sure?” Lexa nuzzles her face into blond curls, the sweet scent making her a little dizzy. Clarke nods and tightens her arms around her for a second before she pulls back to peck her on the lips “I love it, trust me. Did you already pick a movie for us to watch?”

The two girls spend the next 3 hours watching Disney movies, but Clarke can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong with Lexa. She even asks her a few times when she notices how tense the other girl seems, or when Lexa doesn’t sing along to any of the songs she usually loves. But the brunette just smiles and assures her that she’s fine, even though she is already drawing blood by nervously biting her lip too much.

The tension in Lexa’s body only seems to increase when they put the laptop away and Clarke really starts to worry. “Hey” she cups the girl’s cheeks once they settled down in bed again “You seem a little off tonight. I know it’s still pretty early, but we can just go to sleep if you want to”

“No!” the brunette immediately blurts out with wide eyes “uhm I mean…I’m fine! I just …can I just kiss you?” the last part of the sentence is only a whisper and Lexa shuts her eyes tightly, avoiding the ocean blue orbs.

Clarke smiles at how adorable Lexa looks when she’s embarrassed and leans in to gently capture her bottom lip. The brunette sighs into the kiss and the hand that was previously on the blonde’s elbow slowly travels upwards to rest in her neck and pull her even closer.

After a soft start, Clarke runs her tongue over Lexa’s bottom lip, gently asking for entrance which is immediately granted. They explore each other’s mouths if it’s their first kiss and Clarke notices that this is different. This would normally be the point where things get a little heated, but they don’t. Even though her breathing becomes a little faster and her heartbeat increases she feels oddly calm. It’s passionate, but soft and so loving it makes her heart ache.

Lexa nibbles on her lower lip, only to soothe it with her tongue in the next second and Clarke can’t stop her hands from wandering underneath the brunette’s pajama top, running her fingers over her toned stomach. She can feel the shiver running through Lexa’s body when her hands graze the lacy material of her bra and immediately retrieves her hands, afraid that she went too far.

Pulling away from the kiss she looks into green eyes that are slightly darker than usual “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

Lexa shakes her head and quickly interrupts her “No, it’s ok. You can…” she bites her lip and takes Clarke’s wrist, gently pushing her hand back underneath her shirt.

“Are you sure?” Clarke really wants to feel the lace under her fingers again, but she wants Lexa to be sure about it. The green-eyed girl nods and lets out a shaky breath “I can…you can take it off”

The surprise is written all over the blonde’s face when her girlfriend pushes herself into a sitting position and slowly raises her hands over her head, waiting for Clarke to get rid of the fabric. Clarke scoots closer, her eyes fixed on Lexa’s and lets her hand hover next to the girl’s hips for a second before she grabs the hem of the red top and gently pushes it upwards, her heartbeat increasing with every inch of skin she exposes. The top is tossed to the side and the blonde gulps when her eyes wander over the perfect body in front of her. Lexa’s bra is a beautiful black piece of lace and her hands itch to touch it. She searches the brunette’s face for any sign of discomfort before slowly reaching out and running her fingers over the black fabric, earning a gasp from the other girl. She moves up the left strap and stops when she reaches her shoulder to drop a kiss on the collar bone. Lexa’s chest is heaving faster now and Clarke wants to make her more comfortable so she grabs her own shirt and pulls it over her head in one swift motion.

Lexa’s lips are slightly parted when she stares at her girlfriend’s newly exposed chest which is covered in dark blue lace. She only looks up when Clarke moves closer to pull her into a passionate kiss and push her back against the mattress. Supporting her weight with one arm she hovers over the nervous brunette and starts to place soft kisses down her jaw and neck, evoking a little whimper when she lightly sucks on her pulse point. The blonde shudders when Lexa’s fingernails scrape over her naked lower back and she stops her trail of kisses when she reaches the girl’s breasts and looks up into dark green eyes

“Do you want to stop?” she whispers while her fingers slightly pull the straps of the black bra down her shoulders. Lexa responses by shaking her head and pushing herself up to make some room between herself and the mattress. Clarke hesitates for a second, but slides her hand over silky skin to unclasp the bra when she sees the determination in those emerald eyes. The bra snaps open and a blush spreads over the brunette’s face when the piece of fabric falls off. She drops back into the mattress and Clarke’s breath hitches. She has never seen anything as beautiful. Lexa’s curls are spread over the pillow like a crown and she wishes she could press pause to draw her. She reaches behind her back to take her own bra off and smirks a little when her girlfriend can’t suppress a whimper. Clarke quickly slides her pajama pants off as well, leaving her in nothing but dark blue lace panties, and gets back into her previous position, hovering over the brunette’s body.

Lexa immediately pulls her into a searing kiss, causing their almost naked bodies to clash together, evoking a moan from both of them. Clarke can feel the other girl starting to tremble underneath her when she kisses her way down her neck again, but doesn’t stop at her pulse point this time. She drops a line of light kisses between her breasts and Lexa starts panting a little when she finally makes her way towards her nipple. The blonde gently pecks the hard bud and the sound that escapes Lexa’s throat makes her own stomach tingle. One of the brunette’s hands finds its way into blonde curls and encourages Clarke to go on with licking and sucking her nipples until the girl is shaking and her free hand is clutching the covers.

Clarke swears that she can hear a little whine when she abandons her girlfriend’s breasts to kiss every inch of skin on her stomach, leaving a little hicky next to her belly button and slighty running her tongue over her hipbone. She stops when she reaches her pants to look up, searching for green eyes. Lexa’s eyes are shut tight, but slowly open when she notices that Clarke stopped. Green meets blue and Lexa nods, even though her legs start to tremble.

The blonde hocks her fingers into the fabric of the red pajama pants and the black lace panties at the same time and Lexa lifts her hips a little, allowing Clarke to pull them off. She takes her time and gently slides the last pieces of fabric down the tanned legs while dropping a few kisses on her knees and her ankles. She notices that Lexa keeps her eyes shut, obviously embarrassed of her naked body so she reaches up to entwine her fingers with those of Lexa’s left hand and lowers her head to kiss up her right thigh.

“You’re beautiful” she whispers and squeezes her hand before she moves on to the left thigh, kissing her way to the top until she reaches the apex. Lexa’s legs are trembling a little more now, and Clarke soothingly runs her fingers over the soft skin “Are you sure, Lex?”

The brunette lets out a puff of breath but nods “Yes…just a little nervous”

“That’s ok” Clarke kisses up her left thigh again “I got you”

She stops for a second and then slowly lowers her face, softly kissing her mound and letting her lips linger for a while. When she doesn’t get any negative reactions, she lets her lips move down her folds inch by inch and only pulls back to place one of Lexa’s shaking legs over her shoulder. A gasp leaves the brunette’s throat when Clarke licks up to her clit and gently starts to circle it with the tip of her tongue, giving the girl some time to adjust to the feeling before she increases the pressure and starts to alternate between quicker flicks and circular motions. Within a minute, Lexa turns into a panting and shaking mess and Clarke thinks it’s cute that she obviously tries to withhold a few moans. Lexa’s thighs become more and more tense around her and the blonde can feel that her orgasm is approaching fast. She circles the girl’s clit a few more times before she sucks it into her mouth and flicks her tongue over it. That’s all it takes for Lexa’s hips to buck and her body to start shaking uncontrollably. Clarke releases her little bud of nerves, but keeps circling it lazily until the brunette’s high is over.

She kisses her way up Lexa’s body until she reaches her face and is immediately pulled into a passionate kiss.

“Are you ok?” she whisper after a few minutes and leans their foreheads together while her fingers are drawing circles on the brunette’s exposed ribcage

“Yes. I’m very much ok” a shy smile spreads over Lexa’s face and Clarke places a gentle kiss on her neck . The green-eyed girl shifts a little, lying next to her girlfriends now, her eyes roaming over the blonde’s naked skin for a moment, before she reaches out a slightly shaking hand and starts to map Clarke’s upper body. The blonde is surprised about the effect these feather light touches have on the tingling between her thighs and bites her bottom lip when soft fingers finally slide over her lace panties. Lexa’s movements are a little clumsy at first, but 10 minutes later, Clarke throws her head back in bliss and both girls are even more in love than they’ve been before.  


_________________________________________________________________________

It’s Wednesday evening and Clarke is bored. Octavia is hanging out with Raven, and Clarke wants nothing more than to hang out with her own girlfriend, but Lexa is stuck at the library with Costia. Every time they meet to work on their physics project the blonde turns into a jealous grumpy cat, and has to fight the urge to join them and make sure that Costia keeps her distance.

She doesn’t want to come across as a control freak and she wants Lexa to know that she trusts her, but for some reason she just can’t stay away today. Maybe she needs to pick up a book for her German class. It’s perfectly normal to show up at the library where her girlfriend happens to be too, it’s not like than can prove that she doesn’t really need a book. It’s not like she’s stalking them.

Clarke decides that she won’t stay for long. She’s just going to drop off a package of oreos because she’s an awesome girlfriend and then pretend to pick up a book and leave. That should be enough to show Costia that she is always around somewhere and that Lexa is her’s.

 The blonde quietly hums a song she can’t get out off her head when she turns a corner in the east wing and swings her arms to the beat. She throws the package of cookie in the air and catches it again before she pushes the big wooden door of the main library open. She is about to walk around the shelves in the physics section when she stops dead in her tracks. Her girlfriend is standing in one of the ails on the left side of the room and Costia’s lips are on hers. Clarke doesn’t linger to watch this. She turns around and runs out of the library, her heart exploding into millions of pieces. The package of oreos drops to the marble floor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the end sucked I know. You can yell at me in the comments^^ 
> 
> But remember, Clarke only saw like one second of that kiss ;)


	24. The one that doesn't kill you, but makes you stronger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, I know most of you hate me since the last chapter and you'll probably keep hating me through most of this one ^^ 
> 
> Yes, it's pretty angsty but I think the end is a happy one and I promise you that this is the last big angst for this story ;) 
> 
> It's three in the morning again and I don't have the energy to look for spelling and grammar mistakes right now, I'll edit it tommorow

Octavia has a big smile on her face when she pushes the door of her room open after her evening with Raven, though her face falls immediately when her eyes land on her roommate. Clarke is sitting on the floor in front of her wardrobe franticly shoving clothes into a suitcase while gut-wrenching sobs leave her throat.

“Clarke!” Octavia rushes towards the blonde and drops down next to her “Clarke, what happened?”. The blue-eyed girl just shakes her head and her hands are shaking when she tries to close the zipper of the big suitcase. “Please talk to me! Clarke?” the worried brunette grabs both of Clarke’s wrists to stop her hands from hectically moving and her heart aches when the girl looks at her for the first time since she entered the room. Clarke’s eyes are red and puffy while the rest of her face is even paler than usual. The tears have left long streaks on her cheeks, creating patterns in her makeup.

“Clarke, please tell me what happened! Do you want me to get Lexa?” she draws soothing circles on Clarke’s trembling hands and jumps a little when even louder sobs fill the room

“I don’t want to see her. Please just let go of me” she frees her wrists from Octavia’s grip and stumbles to her feet, starting to pull the suitcase towards the door

Her roommate almost trips over her bunny slippers when she quickly follows her and positions herself in front of the exit to stop the girl from leaving “Is this about Lexa? You didn’t break up, did you? No that’s ridiculous, you’re Clarke and Lexa” she shakes her head over this stupid question, but her eyes widen when she sees the pain in Clarke’s eyes

“I guess we did” she shrugs, but a new wave of tears starts running down her cheeks. Octavia is too shocked to do something so she just stands there with a slack jaw and doesn’t react when the blonde pushes past her and storms down the hallway.

______________________________________________________________________________________

**Octopus:** Is Lexa with you?

**Rae-Bae:** Yeah, she just got back from her project meeting and is acting pretty weird…Did something happen?

**Octopus:** She didn’t say anything?

**Rae-Bae:** No. Should I be worried?

**Octopus:** I’m coming over

______________________________________________________________________________________

As soon as Raven opens the door, Octavia runs into the dormroom and looks around “Where is she?”

“Bathroom” Raven motions toward the closed door at the left and furrows her brows when her girlfriend starts nervously pacing “Are you ok? What the fuck is going on?”

Octavia runs her fingers through her hair and shakes her head “I’m here to find out”

Raven is just about to say something when the bathroom door opens and Lexa steps out. She doesn’t get the chance to even be surprised to see Octavia standing in the middle of the room since the girl is immediately bolting towards her and yells in her face “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?”

Lexa stumbles backwards and a shocked Raven wraps her arms around Octavia’s waist to stop her from jumping the confused girl “OCTVIA! What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me? The question is what’s wrong with her! What happened, Lexa? What did you do to Clarke?” She relaxes a little in Ravens arms, but her nostrils are still flaring in anger

“Clarke?” the green-eyed girl stutters and panic washes over her face

Octavia is clenching her fists “Yes Clarke! Why did I just find her bawling her eyes out and telling me that you guys broke up? Why is she crying while it doesn’t even seem to affect you a little bit?”

Raven looks from one girl to another and won’t believe what she’s hearing “What? Lex wouldn’t hurt Clarke! Can anyone please tell me what happened!?”

Lexa’s mind is racing and her legs start to shake “I have to…I have to see her”. She takes a few steps towards the door, but Octavia’s words stop her “She left, Lexa. She packed a suitcase and left”

The shaking brunette turns around to look at her friends with pure horror written over her face and her breathing starts to pick up quickly. Her legs are wobbling while her chest is heaving faster and faster and Raven rushes forward to steady her roommate “Hey Lex, please breathe”. But Lexa is only panting harder and a single sob escapes her throat when she drops to the floor, taking Raven down with her. Not knowing what to do, Raven turns to her girlfriend for help and Octavia sits on the other side of the hyperventilating girl, gently placing her hands on her shoulders

“Hey, Lex. Please, you need to tell us what happened. We can’t help you if you won’t talk to us” she moves so she is hugging Lexa from the front, while Raven is hugging her from behind and starts a rocking motion to calm her down.

It takes 5 minutes for Lexa’s breathing to normalize enough so she can speak.  After a few shaky puffs of air she begins with a small trembling voice “I…I think she saw something” she tries to wipe the tears off her face, but a new wave is coming as soon as her cheeks are dry “I had this project meeting with Costia at the library. We were standing in front of this shelf looking for a specific book, but I wasn’t really looking since my mind couldn’t focus on anything but Clarke. It was my fault. I didn’t pay attention. I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t even notice that Costia was getting closer, I only noticed when her lips where suddenly on mine” Octavia gasps and Raven growls, but neither says anything in order to keep Lexa talking “It was just two seconds. Two seconds of shock for me to realize what is happening and then I pushed her away. I pushed her so hard that she smashed into the shelf, but I didn’t care. I was so angry and told her that I’m with Clarke and she had the nerve to tell me that I could do better” her body starts to shake again and she franticly wipes her face with her sleeve “There is no better than Clarke” she shakes her head and buries herself into Octavia’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably now

They try to soothe the desperate girl for 15 minutes and decide that they have to do something when she won’t calm down. They call Clarke dozens of times, but the blonde won’t pick up and they have to change their strategy. Raven stays with Lexa while Octavia leaves to talk to Indra to try to find out where Clarke ran off to. When she comes back about 20 minutes later, Raven managed to drag Lexa’s trembling body onto her bed where she is curled up in her lap now like a baby. Lexa’s head shoots up when Octavia enters the room, but the panic immediately spreads all over her face again when she sees her friend’s expression

“Sorry, Lex. Indra told me that Clarke went home. Apparently, she didn’t even wait for an answer, she just said that she was leaving and that she doesn’t know when she will be back” she climbs onto the bed to join the other girls and they pick up their previous position, spooning Lexa from both sides. The crying girl causes them to jump when she suddenly sits up and grabs something from the food of the bed, lying back down afterwards. She clings to Clarke’s hoodie as if her life depends on it, and Octavia’s own eyes start to water when she sobs into the blue fabric. She cries in their arms until she finally falls asleep from exhaustion.

As soon as her breathing evens out, only disrupted by the occasional hiccup, Raven carefully slides off the bed and darts out the room. Octavia grunts internally, knowing that this can only mean trouble.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Octavia must have dozed off next to Lexa since she is woken up by the squeaking noise of the door  when Raven reenters the room. Their eyes meet and Raven bites her lip, a strange combination of guilt and satisfaction showing on her face

“What did you do?” Octavia whispers, fearing the worst

“Well…” her girlfriend shrugs nonchalantly, suddenly fascinated by her shoes

Octavia carefully frees herself from Lexa’s grip and slides off the bed. She walks over to where Raven’s gaze is still fixed on anything but her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. “Raven” she growls, impatiently tapping her foot “Spill!”

“Fine” Raven moves to sit on her own bed “I might be in trouble, but it was totally worth it”

“Please tell me you didn’t murder Costia! Yes, she’s a bitch, but she doesn’t deserve to be a dead bitch” Octavia covers her face with her hands, afraid of what the other girl is about to confess

“Nope” the brown –eyes girl smirks “not dead, though she might smell worse than a dead body for a while”

Octavia drops her hands and looks at her in confusion so Raven quickly continues “Costia just had a nice head massage and hair wash and I was gracious enough to not even charge her. Well, maybe I should add the tiny detail that I had her head in the urinal in the boy’s bathroom, but hey, she shouldn’t be complaining, should she?”

“RAVEN REYES!! Are you out of your fucking mind?” Octavia’s eyes widen in shock “What if she tells Indra? They could expel you or something! What were you thinking?!” she starts pacing in front of Ravens bed, shaking her head in disbelieve about how this day gets more fucked up by the second

Raven sighs and grabs Octavia’s arm in order to stop her from walking a dent into the floor “Relax, O. I think she really got the message to not fuck with us. I just had to do something! I warned her, you know. Like a week ago I saw her watching Lex and I didn’t like the look in her eyes. I confronted her after lunch and told her to back off and she pretended to not know what I was talking about, assuring me that she just wants to be friends. Well, friends my ass!” she huffs and glances at the girl on the other bed who is still whimpering in her sleep

Octavia takes a seat next to her girlfriend and starts to rub her temples, trying to stop her headache from getting worse. “Ok”she sighs and looks at Raven “What are we going to do?”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Abby yawns when she shuffles down the stairs at 6:30 in the morning. She just came home from a 20 hour shift at the hospital 2 hours ago and she swears that she will kill whoever keeps ringing the door bell. She yanks the door open and blinks into the morning light. The last person she expected to see right now was her daughter.

“Clarke?” she furrows her brows, but her expression softens when her daughter looks up to meet her gaze. She looks horrible. Her face is swollen and red and her hair is a wild mess.

“Clarke, what are you doing here? Are you ok?” she takes a step forward to place her hands on the blonde’s shoulders and it’s like pulling a plug. The soft touch triggers an avalanche of sobs that shakes through her body and Clarke walks into her mother’s embrace, her tears immediately soaking her pajama shirt.

“Oh honey” the woman holds the crying girl and soothingly runs her fingers over her curls “come on in, I’ll make us some hot chocolate and then we’ll talk”. She grabs the suitcase with one hand and uses the other to guide her shaking daughter inside, using her foot to kick the door shut.

Clarke curls herself up in a ball on the couch, but won’t touch her hot chocolate once Abby comes back with the beverage. The older Griffin sighs and lies down next to Clarke, wrapping an arm around her waist and dropping a kiss on her temple.

They are staying like this for almost 3 hours, Clarke crying and Abby just holding her, until the blonde’s stomach starts to rumble and Abby gets up to make her a sandwich. The girl still hasn’t said anything and Abby is afraid to ask, but she knows that she has to

“Clarke” she gently wipes a damp cloth over the tear streaked face “I know that it’s hard, but we have to talk about it. Did something happen with Lexa?”

The younger Griffin nods and sniffs, looking into her mother’s worried eyes “I saw her kiss someone else” she whispers and closes her eyes tightly when the images of the library come back to her

“Are you sure that’s what you saw? That doesn’t sound like the girl I got to know over Christmas. This girl was crazy about you, Clarke. Didn’t you notice the way she looks at you? Did you at least talk to her before you left?”

The blonde shakes her head and whimpers when she buries her face into Abby’s shirt “You just took off, didn’t you?” Clarke answers with a sob and her mother lets out a sigh “Oh honey”.

The girl falls asleep on the couch and Abby hopes that everything will turn out to be a big misunderstanding.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

When they wake up the next morning Lexa seems to be doing even worse than the night before. While she has a few panic attacks, they become less and less frequent, though the alternative is even more frightening. Octavia and Raven watch how the hurting brunette won’t talk or eat or drink, only stare into nothingness and withdraw into her own world further and further. She looks at them but her eyes won’t focus and she only leaves her bed to go to the bathroom.

“We have to do something” Octavia pinches her nose while she talks to her girlfriend in a hushed voice

“What are we supposed to do, O? The only thing that would make her feel better is Clarke, but she is ignoring our calls and texts” Raven shakes her head and puts her hair into a high ponytail

Octavia shrugs “Maybe we should get some help? You know, maybe ask Roma or …”

“No!” Raven interrupts her and starts pacing through the bathroom “If we tell Roma she will call Lexa’s parents! We can’t risk them taking her away!”

She sits down on the lid of the toilet and pleadingly looks at the other brunette “Fine” Octavia sighs “You’re right. Let’s just leave Clarke another message, she’ll have to check them eventually”

They decide to wait before they tell anyone, pretending that Lexa has the flu, but the girl’s condition only deteriorates. 2 days later Octavia and Raven are exhausted from trying to get some food or at least water into her, but she won’t show any kind of reaction. She looks pale with dark circles under her eyes and is barely responsive.

Raven jumps at the chance when Lexa takes one of her few bathroom breaks and stops the wavering girl before she can escape to the bed again. Lexa just stands still and doesn’t even flinch when her roommate carefully starts to take her close off. It’s like undressing someone in a coma. Raven pulls her arms through the sleeves of her shirt and they slap back down to her side, limp and lifeless. The brown eyes start to water when she sees how the last 3 days have affected Lexa’s already slim body. Her bones are sticking out of her slightly grey-ish skin and she looks more fragile than Raven has ever seen her before.

Once she has her completely undressed, she adjusts the temperature of the shower and slowly guides the girl underneath the hot stream. Grabbing a cloth and some soap, she gently starts to wipe off the dirt of the last few days and massages shampoo into her brown curls, careful not to get any into her eyes. Raven is busy rinsing out the shampoo when a loud sob echoes through the bathroom walls and Lexa’s whole body starts to shake. Her own tears falling freely now, Raven doesn’t bother to undress before she steps into the shower and wraps her arms around her crying friend.

Octavia steps into the bathroom when she hears the sobs, but the sight is so heartbreaking that she can’t watch. She curls up in the armchair and knows that they have to do something soon.

______________________________________________________________________________________

“Raven she is completely dehydrated! This is getting dangerous” Octavia pulls her knees against her chest and starts rocking back and forth, sitting on the edge of Lexa’s bed

“I know! Don’t you think I know that?!” the other brunette runs her fingers through her hair and takes a deep breath before she reaches for the water bottle on the nightstand again “Come on Lex, please you have to drink” she cautiously opens the girl’s mouth and drips some of the fluid inside, repeating it until Lexa won’t swallow anymore

The blonde is still MIA and they know that they are out of options. They finally get Roma in the afternoon of the 4th day and the woman is immediately giving them a lecture, angry that they’ve waited so long to get help. After endless pleading they convince her to wait another day, if Lexa won’t be better by this time tomorrow, they will have to hospitalize her.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

_“Griffin”_

_“Uhm hello, I don’t know if I have the right number. Are you by any chance the mother of Clarke Griffin?”_

_“Yes I am. Are you from the Academy?”_

_“Oh my god, finally. Sorry, yes I’m Octavia, Clarke’s roommate. We’ve been trying to reach Clarke for days now, but she won’t answer her phone”_

_“Yeah, my daughter didn’t really come out of her room the last couple of days. I don’t know if you heard about what happen, but…”_

_“It didn’t happen!! Well, at least not what Clarke thinks happened!”_

_“I guessed as much. But she won’t listen to me. So what exactly happened?”_

_“Costia kissed Lexa and Lexa pushed her away! She didn’t kiss her back, she loves Clarke! She can’t be without Clarke! You…you have no idea how the last couple of days have been like for her”_

_“Well, when I look at my daughter I can imagine how Lexa must feel”_

_“No you can’t. Sorry, but…Clarke has to come back, like now! They want to hospitalize Lexa tomorrow and I can’t even blame them. She is refusing to eat, we have to force every drop of water into her and she is not responding to anything. It’s like there’s just a shell of a girl left and this shell is getting more fragile by the minute. Please. We need Clarke”_

_“I’ll get her back by tomorrow. I promise. Please take care of Lexa until then”_

_“We will. Thank you Mrs. Griffin”_

____________________________________________________________________________________________

“What is this” Clarke frowns and sits up in her bed

“This is your plane ticket back to DC, you’re leaving in 3 hours” Abby takes a seat next to her daughter who buries herself under her cover “No I won’t”

“Clarke, please listen to me” she pulls the fabric back to look into angry blue eyes “You have to go back. It’s about Lexa”

The blonde sits up when she hears her (ex?) girlfriend’s name “You didn't check your phone did you? Octavia called me, they want to hospitalize Lexa. She’s not doing good, honey”

The woman wipes a few tears of her daughter’s face and takes her hand “Come on, let’s pack your stuff and I’ll tell you everything on the way to the airport. Trust me”

Clarke sniffs but nods. Her worry about Lexa is bigger than the urge to hide in Boston forever.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

“Ok guys. Her blood pressure is really low and she is barely responding to light. I’m sorry, but I have to take her now” Roma takes the hemodynamometer off Lexa’s pale arm “You should pack a bag for her”

Raven makes her way over to Lexa’s wardrobe and starts to fill a little duffle bag with everything she might need. The sound of an incoming text message makes everyone look up and Octavia quickly checks her phone.

“Uhm, Roma” Octavia inhales sharply “can I speak to you for a minute outside” she tilts her head towards the door, hoping that the woman will see the urgency in her wide eyes

Roma hesitantly follows the girl out of the room and Raven wonders what this is about. She doesn’t get to wonder for long, though, since the door opens again a minute later and Clarke walks over the threshold. Her cheeks are stained with tears, her hair is in a messy bun, and her hands are nervously playing with the hem of her sweater. Her eyes land on Lexa and she almost collapses to the floor. The girl looks like a ghost. She brings a hand up to her mouth to muffle a sob when she sees the lifeless green eyes that seem to stare, but not really focus on anything.

She slowly approaches her with trembling legs and climbs into the bed. Lexa’s gaze still hasn’t moved from the spot on the wall so the blonde just pulls the motionless girl against her chest and buries her face into her brown curls. Clarke’s body is shaking with sobs now, afraid that she has lost the girl in her arms who still doesn’t show any kind of reaction. She tries to pull herself together and it takes her all of her strength to calm herself down so she can speak. The blue-eyed girl takes a few shaky breaths and positions her mouth next to Lexa’s tiny ear

“Ai hod yu in”

She puts all of her love in this whispered sentence and that’s what rips the brunette out off her world and pushes some life back into her body. She turns her head and looks at Clarke, blinking rapidly. Her bottom lip starts to tremble and suddenly all her walls brake down. Lexa throws herself into the blonde’s arms and desperate sobs are leaving her throat while she clings to her as if her life depends on it.

They stay like this for almost an hour, just holding each other and crying. Clarke pulls back when Lexa’s breathing finally gets back to normal and gently pushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear

“I’m so sorry Lexa” she kisses her nose and wipes a new tear off her own face

Lexa shakes her head and closes her eyes “Why are you sorry? I’m the one who fucked everything up” she sniffs and opens her eyes again so green can meet blue

“Hey” Clarke cusps her face in both hands “I know that Costia was the one kissing you. I know that you pushed her away. I’m sorry I didn’t stay. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you”

“No! It’s my fault!” the brunette starts to cry again and her arms around her girlfriend’s waist tighten as much as they can in this fragile state “I should have noticed what she was up to”

“Shhh” Clarke soothingly runs her fingers through Lexa’s hair “It’s ok. That’s what I love about you. You always see the good in everyone” she gently kisses her chapped lips “everything is gonna be ok. I promise I won’t leave you again”

 

Roma is surprised to see Lexa’s quick recovery. She is smiling and talking and eagerly munching on the huge sandwich Octavia got her from the dining hall. She is still going to check on her regularly in the next couple of days, but she agrees that there is no need to get her to the hospital anymore.

Clarke won’t leave Lexa’s side for the entire week. Even when they aren’t just holding each other in Lexa’s bed, they are always touching somewhere, afraid that either of them will break when they let go. Things slowly get back to normal, but there relationship isn’t the same anymore. It’s even stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok what do you think ? Too angsty ? Not enough angst? :D 
> 
> Yes, Clarke was stupid for just running off to Boston, but she was heartbroken so cut her some slack ;) 
> 
> Thanks for almost 1000 kudos ♥


	25. The one that is long overdue^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm alive ^^ 
> 
> I'm sooooooo sorry for taking ages to update!! But, you know, life happened. First there was this internship which I loved, but I basically only came home to sleep and didn't have any time to write or do anything else.  
> Well, and 2 days after the end of my internship I got a new puppy and he really kept me busy^^ I have another dog, but she's a rescue so I had zero experience with a puppy and let's just say I got less sleep than during my internship :p 
> 
> But the main problem is that I'm writing my master thesis right now and that's so time-consuming, I can't wait to be done with that and finally have time to just write for fun! I actually already have plans for my next story, but that one has to wait for mid December...
> 
> So this chapter is rather short and I'm not 100% happy with it, but I wanted to give you something ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ This is a transition chapter, there are two more chapters to go and they will be longer
> 
> Still don't have a beta and English isn't my first language, sorry for any mistakes

 “Yes right there” a loud moan fills the room “arrr a little to the left and harder…YES , oh my god that’s amazing, O!”

Clarke frowns and sleepily nuzzles her face into brown curls “Whatever is happening over there is it worth opening my eyes for?”

The vibration of Lexa’s giggles runs through her body and she can feel her girlfriend nod “Oh trust me, you definitely wanna see THAT!”

The blonde reluctantly moves her face out of its comfy nest of silky hair and peeks over her shoulder. Ok, whatever she was expecting to see, THAT was not one of the options. Raven is standing in front of her wardrobe making purring noises while Octavia scratches her nose. Raven’s arms are sticking from her body in a weird angle, held there by what seems to be about 70 layers of clothes. She looks like an obese penguin.

Clarke glances at Lexa who just shrugs “Don’t look at me, I don’t get their level of crazy”

The blonde sighs and wiggles herself out of the bed to examine the situation on the other side of the room “Uhmm hey guys. Just one question : WHAT the heck??”

Octavia falls on her butt while trying to pull some sweatpants over the sumo legs of her girlfriend and shoots her roommate a disappointed look “Clarkey did you already forget how we laughed our asses off over this a week ago?”

The blonde’s eyes widen “Oh my god! You’re doing the 100 layers challenge? Octavia! I told you not to show Raven another _Beauty Break_ episode, remember when she saw the one on edible beauty products and she threw up for 2 hours after eating her chocolate hand lotion?”

Raven snorts “ha! that was totally worth it” she loses her balance and falls on her back like a big dead dung beetle “fuck, thank god I have these clothes as an airbag”

Octavia tries to pull the other girl up but only ends up lying on the floor sweating and laughing “oh god guys, I think I’m going to pee my pants” she rushes to the bathroom and leaves a pouting pile of clothes behind

“Claaarke! Lexy! Some help over here!” she tries to sit up but falls back with an oomph. Clarke shakes her head and kneels down, but instead of helping the brunette, climbs on top of her

“Clarke!!”

“Shhh so comfy” the blue eyed girl grins into Raven’s – thanks to the layers of clothes – none existing neck and Lexa quickly snaps a photo “You kinda look like _Baymax_. Maybe we should take advantage of you not being able to move and get revenge for all the pranks you’ve pulled on us. You know, shave your eyebrows. Or draw a penis on your face”

“Pff as if you would know how a penis looks like” Raven sticks her tongue out at her roommate who immediately blushes and Clarke is pretty sure to hear her murmur something like “I don’t ever want to know”

“Hey Griffin” Octavia stumbles out of the bathroom “use your own girlfriend as a mattress”  she fakes a pout and shoves the giggling blonde off of Raven before they finally all help her up. They take a few selfies with sumo Raven and talk about their finals which are coming up after spring break. Clarke notices that Lexa gets strangely quiet as soon as the topic comes up and decides to talk to her later

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Gosh, I’m so sweaty right now, I wish I could peel my skin off with all these clothes” Raven throws the last shirt on the big pile on the floor, leaving her in green boxershorts and a tank top

“Well I could think of something that leaves both of us even sweatier” Octavia runs her fingertips over the sticky arms of her girlfriend, biting her lip when she reaches the baby hairs in her neck

The brown eyed girl gulps, but quickly composes herself showing her signature smirk “hmm sounds tempting, but I have a better idea” she grabs her girlfriend’s hand and quickly pulls her towards the bathroom. As soon as the door slams shut, Octavia finds herself pinned against the wooden surface while impatient hands tug at her shirt. The grey fabric hits the ground and their mouths clash in a searing kiss. Raven wiggles out of her boxers, determined to keep her hands on the soft skin of her girlfriend’s thighs while her hair is freed out of her ponytail by eager fingers.

Moans and gasps fill the small room when they finally stumble into the shower, so engaged in the amazing feeling of skin on skin that they even forget to turn the water on for a few minutes. Octavia closes her eyes when Raven falls on her knees, the hot stream of water running down her back.

The younger girl whimpers when teasing lips drop feather light kisses over her knees and up her trembling thighs “Raven…please!” she huffs when she can feel her girlfriend smirk against her leg, but cries out in surprise when a hot tongue finally finds its way to her center. Just when Raven starts to draw circles around her clit, they booth freeze when they hear a door slam shut and footsteps in the dormroom.

Raven sighs and questioningly looks up to see a pout on Octavia’s face. She chuckles and looks around the shower cubicle, grabbing a loofah “Here, try to be quiet”

Octavia doesn’t look happy, but she rather suffocates on a loofah than passing on an orgasm, so she reluctantly bites down on the object and is immediately rewarded by a skillful tongue.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Lex, look at this” Clarke shoves her phone in front of her girlfriend’s face who is sitting at her desk to update her to-do list “Wells just sent me a flyer from this street festival, we should totally check it out on spring break. It’s in the second week so maybe we can go to our holiday home in the last week?” the blonde happily claps her hands together, though her enthusiasm falters a little when Lexa just stares at her “uhm I told you about the holiday home, right? The one in Marbelhead? …Lex?”

The brunette opens and closes her mouth a few times, obviously searching for words. She takes a shaky breath “You…you want me to come with you? For 3 weeks?”

Clarke’s heart melts a little when she sees the surprise and awe in those big green eyes and entwines their hands “Of course you dummie! My mum already invited you to come back at Christmas, remember? I won’t go anywhere without you. Besides, it’ll be like 3 weeks of celebrating your birthday! And we can even visit Fish again if you’d like to” she squeezes her hand and tugs a loose strand of hair behind her tiny ear

Warmth spreads through Lexa’s chest when she sees the excitement on Clarke’s face “I..I just wasn’t sure. You know…after Cos… uhm ...after the incident” she shrugs and chews on her plump bottom lip, avoiding blue eyes

“Hey” the blonde steps even closer and places her hands on the other girls shoulders “Lexa, look at me”. Clarke gently lifts her chin until blue meets green “We talked about that. I don’t blame you, she is the one that kissed you. It wasn’t you’re fault. If anything you should be mad at me for not trusting you and running off”

Lexa steps into her girlfriend’s embrace and shakes her head “I’m not mad at you. You came back to me”. When she tightens her grip on the blonde and presses her lips against her jaw, the other girl holds her close and runs her fingers through soft curls “Okay” she sighs happily “My mum is really excited to see you again by the way. She has already wrapped your birthday present and practiced cooking a few things from the cookbook you gave her so she won’t mess it up when we’re there”

Overwhelmed by this information Lexa gives her a teary-eyed smile and a quick kiss before she settles down at her desk again “I’m sure her cooking will be amazing and she really didn’t have to get me something, but thank you for telling me”

Clarke pecks her nose before throwing herself in the comfy armchair “She insisted on getting you something. It’s your 18th birthday after all. It’s special”

Yeah…special, Lexa thinks and nibbles on her bottom lip. Her birthday. Her 18th birthday. The day that is going to change everything. At least it could. But is she strong enough to make this big step?...

 ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Ouch!” Octavia runs into a street sign and almost drops her phone in the process

“O, stop chasing Pokémon and concentrate!” Raven sighs and rolls her eyes, trying to snap the device out of her girlfriend’s hands

“But…but there’s an Eevee near and I only need one more to finally evolve it into Vaporeon!” she pouts, though shoves her phone into her pocket when she catches the other girl’s glare

“Unless it magically evolves into a present for Lexa it can wait”

“Fine” Octavia sticks her tongue out, but grabs Raven’s hand anyway

Clarke walks a few steps ahead of them , frantically looking at the windows of the little shops in town. “ Nothing!! “ she whines “I can’t find anything in this joke of a shopping street. Maybe I should order something online?”

“You can paint her something” Raven suggests “You know, make something a bit more personal?!”

“Nooo, that’s not good enough” the blonde pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head “I need something perfect”

“You could buy some sexy lingerie and give her a gift certificate for 10 awesome orgasms” Raven wiggles her eyebrows and does some body rolls, earning herself some angry looks from an elderly couple and a smack in the back of her head from Octavia

“Haha, very funny Reyes. FYI, Lexa doesn’t need a gift certificate for that”

They spend another hour in town and the two brunettes end up buying some scented candles and a pair of midnight blue chucks, while Clarke eventually gives up and leaves without buying anything. Frustrated, she makes her way back to the academy.

Her mood improves when she enters her dorm room and finds a sleeping Lexacoon on her bed , the hood of the onzie covering half of her face and a book laying next to her . She tiptoes towards the bed and snuggles in behind her, spooning the brunette. Lexa lets out a happy little sigh and turns around facing Clarke, her eyes blinking tiredly

 “Hey sleepy head” Clarke murmers  with a grin on her face and kisses her jaw, then her cheek, then her nose and finally her lips. Lexa smiles into the kiss and wraps her arms around her girlfriend, pulling their bodies flush together. After kissing lazily for a while, Clarke yawns and nuzzles her face into the soft fabric of her girlfriend’s outfit.

She is almost asleep when Lexa’s whispers suddenly break the silence “I ran into Costia today”

Almost asleep a second ago, Clarke’s eye fly open and she tenses next to her.

“She won’t even look at me…I think Raven really scared her”

The blonde relaxes and shifts so she can look at the other girl “Good, otherwise I would have to beat her up”. It was suppose to be a joke but Lexa stays quiet and her face unreadable. Concerned, Clarke reaches for her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze.

She watches as Lexa opens and closes her mouth a few times as if she is searching for words and is surprised by the ones she finally chooses “I’m scared”

Clarke pushes herself up a little on her elbows “Of what?”

“Of something like Costia happening again” the words rush out of her as if she was holding them back for a while

“Hey” Clarke cups Lexa’s face “I won’t allow that do you hear me? And if someone should kiss you without your permission again I’m not going to run, I’m going to kick their ass”

Lexa chuckles and looks into her favorite shade of blue “Ok”

“Well and if someday it is with your permission…”

“Why would I permit anyone to kiss me?” Lexa frowns and Clarke’s heart flutters, realizing that Lexa really only sees her

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Lexa wakes up on her 18th birthday her heart starts beating faster the moment she opens her eyes. The brown-haired girl takes a deep breath and sits up. Careful not to wake the sleeping blonde beside her, she shimmies out of bed and grabs a grey sweater with the schools emblem and some leggings before she tiptoes towards her nightstand. She manages to pull the drawer open soundlessly and grabs a big white envelope with worn edges.

Five minutes later, the birthday girl nervously shifts from one foot to another, her hand hovering in front of a big wooden door. She finally knocks after giving herself an inner pep talk, and her grip on the envelop tightens when the door swings open

“Good morning…uhm…I made a decision” she hates how her voice shakes a little, but she can’t help it

“Come in”

...

 


	26. The one with the Squid in the bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all : I'm soooooo sorry for taking so long to update !!! I was planning on finishing this story in December after submitting my master thesis, but I got really sick and had to postpone the thesis for a few weeks. Well, then there was Christmas and I started a new job just after the hollidays so I was pretty busy. 
> 
> Anyway, here is the final chapter of this story, I hope it's a satisfying end for you guys! It's rather short, but I think everything important is being said ...  
> As always English is not my first language so if you find any mistakes you can keep them :p 
> 
> (I have a new story all planned out, but I'll pre-write a few chapters before I post the first one to make sure you'll get faster updates this time)

The door falls shut behind her and she doesn’t even get the chance to take a step into the room before she is tackled back against the wooden surface, a mess of blonde curls covering her face.

“Lexa!!”

“Clarke?”

“Where did you disappear to? A woke up and you were gone!” the blued-eyed girl lifts her head a little and looks at her girlfriend with a pout “I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday, but now someone probably has beat me to it”

The birthday girl chuckles and tightens her grip on Clarke’s waist “ Well, technically one person did beat you to it, but there could have been a parade in my honor in the hallway and your birthday wishes would still be the ones that count the most”

Pink lips stretch into a big smile before they tenderly capture Lexa’s bottom lip “happy birthday Lexie-Loo” the blonde whispers before she dives back in and deepens the kiss

_____________________________________________________________

“Ok, who broke into an oreo factory?” Octavia laughs and watches Clarke pile up more and more boxes of cookies

“Well they’re Lexa’s favorite so most of the food will be oreo themed. That’s not even all of them by the way, I already went through 3 boxes for the cake I’ve made this morning” the blonde shrugs and pulls her hair up into a ponytail before she gathers all the ingredients for her next dish on the countertop

“Wow” Octavia’s eyes widen “So we’ll all leave this party with a stomach ache and diabetes. Great. What’s on the menu besides the cake? Oreo Balls?”

“Duh, of cause. Lex is addicted to them. There’ll also be oreo donuts and cupcakes, oreo-marshmallow brownies, oreo ice cream, and oreo milk shakes. But don’t worry, we’ll also have pizza and pasta salad to save us from a sugar overdose” Clarke winks and cracks and egg on the edge of her mixing bowl “could you help me roll up my sleeves? My hands are kinda sticky”

Her roommate hops down from the countertop and grabs the right sleeve of Clarke’s light blue flannel while the blonde blows a strand of hair out of her face

“Well don’t you two look cozy” Raven walks into the kitchen with her signature smirk on her face and Lexa following behind her. The latter excitedly inspects Clarke’s oreo desserts while Raven plops down on a chair “can we help with anything?”

The four girls work together to quickly prepare all the food, needing some time to put their outfits and make-up on afterwards. Despite Clarke’s protest that the birthday girl shouldn’t have to help, Lexa insists that she can’t just stand there and watch. They actually really end up needing her help when Raven gets banned from the kitchen for setting the first batch of brownies on fire. With two hours left before the rest of the group arrives, they’re finally done with their last oreo dessert at 5 pm and set up a buffet table like on Octavia’s birthday.

They decide to get ready in Raven and Lexa’s room , Raven and Octavia occupying the mirror in the bathroom, while Lexa uses the one in her wardrobe and Clarke has brought a little standing mirror from her room.

Raven’s laptop is blasting a 90’s playlist when they put the final touches on the party decorations and three heads turn towards the device when the music suddenly fades. Lifting her hand from the laptop, Lexa sees the question in the other girls’ faces and clears her throat “Uuum, can I talk to you guys for a second before the others arrive?” She sits down on her bed and watches as Clarke shares a look with Raven and Octavia before they join her

“Is everything ok?” the blonde reaches for her hand and entwines their fingers

“Yes!” Lexa quickly bursts out when she sees the worry on her friends’ faces “It’s …it’s nothing bad, it’s just something I have to tell you”. She nervously starts to play with Clarke’s fingers while trying to find the right words “uhm…I went to see Principal Ground this morning”. She can feel her girlfriend’s body tense up beside her so she quickly continues “I told her that I made a decision. An important decision about my future. I…my grandmother left me a lot of money. Before she died, she made me her sole heir in her will once I turn 18. So yeah…” she lets out a nervous chuckle “I guess I’m kind of rich now.”

“Wait” Octavia’s brows furrow in confusion “What do you mean with “now”? You’ve always been rich, Lex!”

The birthday-girl shakes her head “No I haven’t. My parents have, but I haven’t. And that’s kind of the point. I…I was dependent on their money. They paid for the tuition. They put money aside so I can go to college. But they only pay for what they think is the right thing for me. Yes they would pay for college, but only for a college they think to be appropriate for their daughter. They would never let me choose.”

“But now you can choose” Raven finishes her thought and smiles

“Yeah. I can choose. I’ve told Mrs. Ground that I what to meet with a lawyer so that I can use my grandmother’s money to pay for the rest of the school year’s tuition. The lawyer will inform my parents, I don’t want anything to do with them” she shrugs and her lips form a tiny smile “so yeah, I can actually choose where I want to go to college”. She looks up and is met with the sight of a beaming blonde

“So we actually have a chance to stay close after graduation? They can’t ship you off to some stuck up religious college in Switzerland or something?”  

Lexa laughs and shakes he head “Nope, no Switzerland.” She gets tackled by her happy girlfriend and is soon enveloped in a group-hug when the two other weirdos join them.

 

_________________________________________________________

The others arrive just 5 minutes later, everyone hugging the birthday-girl before they storm to the buffet and stuff their faces with pizza and oreo desserts. Too full to conquer the dance floor yet, the group gathers in a circle on the floor and one by one hands Lexa their present. Among all the books, candles, and other things, the green-eyed girl seems to be the most enamoured by the fluffy unicorn slippers she got from Monty and Jasper. Well, that is until it is Clarke’s turn to give her a present. The blonde appears to be nervous when she stands up and walks towards Raven’s wardrobe. She steps back into the circle with a guitar in one hand and a little square shaped wrapped present in the other

“So uhhm” she glances at her girlfriend who looks at her with big eyes and slightly parted lips “my present kind of consists of two parts. Maybe…yeah maybe you can open this first” she gently drops the present in Lexa’s hands and bites her bottom lip, waiting for small hands to rip off the paper. Once the wrapping in gone, the brunette is holding a CD. There is a drawing on the cover. A drawing showing Clarke giving a laughing Lexa a piggyback ride in a park. She smiles, tracing the drawing with her fingers, before turning the CD over.

“Well, yeah, as you can see it’s a playlist. Or more like two playlists since there are two CD’s inside” Clarke fiddles with the strings of the guitar and takes a breath “all these songs make me think of us. Of you. Of how much you mean to me. I know everyone can make a mix tape so I added the second CD” she bites her bottom lip and gestures towards the playlist “as you can see the 5 songs on the second CD are already on the first one, but…but I’m kind of the one singing on the second.”

Lexa’s eyes widen at her girlfriend’s words and she glances at the guitar while her heart starts to flutter. She knew that Clarke can sing, but she also knows how self-conscious the girl is about her voice and that she usually only sings when it’s just the girls.

Clarke clears her throat and adjusts the instrument in her arms “Ok so in honor of my birthday-girl I’m going to sing one of the songs”. The room has already been completely quiet during the blonde’s speech, but know it seems as if everyone is holding their breath when the first soft guitar sounds fill the air and finally a raspy but soft voice can be heard

_“If you had three wishes_

_Tell me what they'd be_

_A fancy car, a new guitar_

_Or that money grows on trees“_

 

Blue eyes meet green after the first line and the latter immediately fill with tears

 

_“If I had three wishes_

_I tell you what they'd be_

_If I had three wishes_

_You would be all three”_

 

The blonde’s voice shakes a little with she watches the emotions running over her girlfriend’s face, but she goes on

 

_“You know how the rules go_

_You can't wish for world peace_

_Or wish for love from anyone_

_And we're letting old friends be._

_You can't wish for more wishes_

_But that don't bother me_

_Cause if I had three wishes_

_You would be all three”_

The tears are now freely streaming down Lexa’s face, past a beaming smile

 

_“I could say I wanna fly_

_But that would get old after a while_

_A million things that I could do_

_But they'd be nothing without you_

_So I can't think of anything_

_If you had three wishes_

_Do you know what they'd be_

_Would one get saved for a rainy day_

_Or for someone more in need If_

_I had three wishes_

_I tell you what they'd be If_

_I had three wishes_

_You would be all three “_

 

Lexa is absolutely certain that she never felt more loved than in this moment. She wipes her face with the back of her hand before pulling the guitar off of Clarke’s lap with shaky fingers and throwing her arms around the blonde’s neck. She buries her face into soft curls and exhales deeply when she feels arms hugging her back. The brunette lifts her head after a minute and looks into the eyes of an equally emotional Clarke ”Happy Birthday, baby” the blonde chuckles and everyone finally breaks into applause and of cause Raven starts whistling. 

______________________________________________________________

After this emotional round of presents, they spend the next few hours dancing their asses of and playing some games. Lexa is exhausted but happy when the others hug her goodbye at midnight and she is left alone with her amazing girlfriend. The amazing girlfriend that is currently laying in her bed watching her every move with tired eyes while she changes into an oversized shirt to sleep in. She decides to forego pants, leaving her with bare legs and only some lacy underwear. Lexa barely touches the bed when she is already pulled down onto a warm body, fingers tangling into brown curls and soft lips capturing hers.

“Hmmm” she hums and a smiles spreads across her face when Clarke pulls back a little to place a tiny kiss onto the tip of her nose. She crawls further onto the soft surface and snuggles into the blonde’s arms, tangling their naked legs together “I’m like sooo tired right know, I feel like I could sleep for a week!”

Clarke chuckles and starts playing with brown curls “Yeah, that would be awesome, I could totally spend a week in bed with you Miss Woods. But we would miss our flights to Boston on Sunday and I’m kinda exited to take you back home with me”.

 

 _Home_ , Lexa thinks. For years the Academy has been her home. A place where she felt welcomed and happy. A safe haven. But during the last couples of month she found herself a second home. A second one with Clarke. And the green-eyed girl realizes, that home is not a concept of location at all.  “You are my home” she whispers into the dark room before sleep overcomes her and she dreams of blue eyes, blonde curls, and bright smiles.

__________________________________________________________________

**3 Years later**

 

Something tickles her knee. It’s warm and soft and makes her grin into her pillow. The brunette jolts a little when a wet tongue starts travelling up her naked thigh and breaks into a fist of giggles when it reaches the sensitive skin on her hipbone. “Squid!! Stop that” Lexa pushes the covers off her legs and shakes her head, laughing at the dog that is now happily wagging its tail seeing that his owner is finally awake. She ruffles his fuzzy fur and swings her legs out off the bed, slipping into her raccoon slippers “Come on buddy, let’s have some breakfast”.

Squid follows her into the kitchen of the little two bedroom apartment and watches with big brown eyes as Lexa rummages through the fridge, taking out some milk for her cereal and a can of dog food for him.

Once they are both full, she pulls her long curls up into a messy bun, turns the radio on, and starts doing the dishes. Singing along to the radio, the brunette scrubs the big lasagna casserole dish from last night until her fingertips are wrinkled and is just about to grab a dish towel when a pair of hands on her hips make her jump “Jesus!”

She turns around and can barely catch a glimpse of blue before a nose is nuzzled into her neck and arms wrap around her back .“Hungry…sleepy…Lexi…” apparently not capable of forming a coherent sentence, Clarke mumbles quiet words against her pulse point and Lexa can feel the blonde yarn.

“Hey baby”, she chuckles and hugs her girlfriend back “You’ll never get used to these morning classes, will you?” The brunette is pretty sure that she heard something that sounds like “evil” and “satan”, but Clarke’s words are muffled by her hair and the girl seems to fall asleep in her arms right now.

“I really don’t get how all of your classes can be that early. I though most of you art people are chill and like to sleep in. Apparently RISD didn’t get the memo”.  Lexa navigates the tired blonde towards a chair and gently pushes her down on it “Ok sit here. I’ll make you some toast and then you can go back to bed. I’ll go for a quick walk with Squid and then we will join you afterwards”.

She is just about to turn around to get the toast from the cupboard when a small hand holds her back and pulls her down for a quick kiss “Ai hod yu in, Lexie-loo” Clarke smiles, but is soon overcome by another yawn.

“Love you too, Clarkey”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments ! 
> 
> Here is a list of the songs from Clarke's CD for Lex:
> 
> Dave Thomas Junior – Three wishes  
> Jason Derulo – Marry me  
> Hayden Panettiere – Hypnotizing (acoustic version)  
> Sleeping at last – Every little thing she does is magic  
> Mike Doughty – I hear the bells  
> Scouting for girls – She’s so lovely  
> The Archies – sugar sugar  
> Gavin Degraw – In love with a girl  
> Parachute – Kiss me slowly  
> Colony House – You know it  
> Sia – The greatest  
> Jet – Are you gonna be my girl  
> Jason Wade – You belong to me  
> Billy Currington – I got a feeling  
> Marc Cohn – True Companion  
> Jason Mraz – I’m yours  
> The Proclaimers – 500 miles  
> Hayden Panettiere and Jonathan Jackson – Everything I’ll ever need


End file.
